Category Archives: Custody

What Is A Form J And Why Is It Important?

Similar to a Form E, when you file for divorce in Hong Kong and proceed through the court system, there are a number of steps and forms you need to fill out as part of your divorce. One of the key disclosure documents you must fill out is a Form J. A Form J, or a Children’s Form is designed to help you and your spouse and the Court determine the best arrangements for the children. A Form J is therefore an important document that should be filled out with careful consideration and accurate details so that the Court can use this document to determine the best interests of the children. Similar to a Form E, a Form J is sworn and signed by you and should therefore contain truthful and accurate information. As this is a key document in determining custody and access arrangements, it is prudent that you fill out this form with the assistance of your solicitor who can guide you through the process of filling out the form in the most accurate and detailed way. In the event you and your spouse come to an agreement over the children without the need for Court intervention, then a Form J will not be needed. However, if you and your spouse are going through the Court system in order to resolve any custody and access arrangements, the Form J will be mandatory and you will exchange this disclosure document with your ex-spouse.

Let’s go through a Form J for a better understanding of what information and disclosure will be required by you:

Part 1: You and Your Children
In Part 1 of the Form J, you will need to provide general information about you and your children. This general information includes the full name and address of you and your children, their date of birth, age, sex and relationship to you. If there are third-parties involved in the care of your children such as step-parents, grandparents and domestic helpers, you will also need to provide such details including their name and their relationship to the children.

Part 2: Current Living Arrangements
In Part 2 of the Form J, you will need to provide detailed information about the current living arrangements. For example, how much time do the children spend time with you and with the other parent and/or other carers. If you are involved in a new relationship, you will also need to provide details of this new partner. As part of the current living arrangement explanation, you will also need to provide details as to the arrangements for the children when they are with you. For example, where do they sleep, do they share a room, and how long have these living arrangements been in place? During the children’s time with you, do the children communicate with the other parent and if so, how frequently and by what means of communication? How do you and the other parent deal with handovers and what are the logistics of these handovers of the children? Do the children communicate with extended family members when they are with you and if so, how frequently? Other questions that you will need to answer about the children’s arrangements is the type of extra-curricular activities the children are involved in and how often they attend these extra-curricular activities. What kind of support do you or tutors provide to the children regarding their school work? What kind of entertainment activities are your children involved in? Finally, in this section you will also need to detail how the children are cared for when you are working or when you have to attend to work commitments such as after-hours meetings/meals and/or travel abroad.

Part 3: Schooling
In Part 3 of the Form J, you will need to detail the children’s schooling arrangements including the name of the children’s school and their year at the school. You will also need to provide details about how your children travel to/from school, how long it takes to get to/from school and what the after-school care arrangements are for the children when they are with you. If there is special care required for your child due to special needs, this should be detailed in this section. This section is important because this is where you will need to detail your plans about how you have involved and plan to involve the other parent in the decisions related to the children’s schooling. For example, you will need to provide a plan as to how you and your co-parent will make decisions about school, choice of subjects and future career options. Will you and your co-parent agree on attending school functions together such as on parent days and sports days? You will also need to put forth the emergency contact for your children and who would be responsible as the point person should your child fall ill at school or there are emergency issues that need to be dealt with.

Part 4: Health
Part 4 of the Form J is related to your child’s health and medical problems. You will need to detail whether your child suffers from any health and medical problems and if any special care is required for your child. If your child suffers from any physical disability or requires special medication or therapy, this is where you will need to detail the issues and provide transparent information to the Court.

Part 5: Finances
In Part 5 of the Form J, finances become the focus of this section, as finances will be important for the care and future of your child. In Part 5, you will need to detail your income including any bonuses or commissions you may receive as part of your income. If you have received or are receiving government allowances, you will need to identify this source of incoming cash. If you are receiving maintenance from your ex-spouse, you will also need to detail what you have been receiving or are receiving.

Part 6: Future Parenting Arrangements
Part 6 of the Form J is an extremely important section. This is where you should detail what arrangements you would like to see for the children going forward and it is here you should detail what plans you have in place to bring this forward. In this section, you will detail the regular arrangements you propose for the children to spend time and communicate with the other parent including public holidays, school holidays, overnights and overseas trips. If the children are to live with the other parent instead of you, what proposals do you have for yourself in terms of communication and time with the children during public holidays, school holidays, overnights and overseas trips. You will also need to detail what proposals you have to assist the children in spending time and communicating with the other parent and other family members. This is an important section of the Form J because the Court will want to see how cooperative you are and if you are willing to be cooperative in the future. This is the time for you to show that you will do your utmost best to co-parent and be a willing participant in helping your children remain connected to the other parent. As the children’s support group not only includes parents and family members, the Court also wants to know how you will encourage the children to maintain friendships if a move is part of the proposal.

Part 7: Other Circumstances
Finally in Part 7 of the Form J, you will have the opportunity to detail any other circumstances which you believe are relevant to the arrangements of the children, including but not limited to mental/physical disability, mental/physical health and mental/physical abuse or violence. You can also detail any other relevant matters such as issues with a new partner or moving home. Your solicitor should assist you in detailing what is relevant and what necessary details should be provided or not.

Filling out a Form J can be overwhelming as you want to provide as much detail as possible, but you also do not want to overload the Court with too much unnecessary and historical information. It is therefore important that you speak with your solicitor to go through all the details of your case and consider what should or should not be included. Similar to a Form E, it is important to be reminded that you will need to sign this form under oath, thus your document must be truthful and should provide full and frank disclosure.

Parental Alienation and Narcissistic Abuse in Divorce

In litigious divorce cases, one of the issues co-parents may have to deal with is parental alienation. Parental alienation occurs when one parent manipulates a child such that the child refuses to have a relationship with the other parent and as a result, hostilities abound. Many times, parental alienation is tied to narcissistic behaviour. An individual with narcissistic traits will thrive on the use of control and manipulation in order to retain what he/she deems as the “perfect image.” Parental alienation, whilst may be satisfying to the alienating parent, will have devastating effects on a child and the alienated/loving parent and is never in the best interests of the child.

Here are a few things to consider and look out for if you are involved in a divorce with a narcissist and dealing with parental alienation:

Look for Potential Warning Signs of Parental Alienation:
Each and every situation look different and your warning signs will be specific to you. However, here are a few of the more common signs to look out for: the alienating parent will vilify the loving parent; vilification of the loving parent may then extend to his/her extended family and friends; the alienating parent will employ guilt trips upon the child in order to obtain a desired result; the alienating parent’s projected feelings about the loving parent may be highlighted in the child’s own opinion. These warning signs can be displayed in certain behaviour such as the following examples: The alienating parent will refuse to respect the loving parent’s time with the child; the alienating parent will tell the child about adult issues including that the loving parent does not love or care about the child; the alienating parent will guilt trip the child by acting hurt if the child is nice to the other parent; the alienating parent rewards the child for talking badly about the other parent. Ultimately, at the core of parental alienation is that the child is left in the middle feeling as if he/she has to choose between one parent over the other. A healthy message that should normally be relayed to a child is that he/she does not have to choose between either parent and that both parents, despite being divorced, love the child and want what is best for him/her. This idea of healthy parenting is not a concept that a narcissistic abusive co-parent can understand.
Be Aware of the Risks:
The main risk of parental alienation is that it will cause destruction in the relationship between the child and the loving parent, despite the fact that it is the alienating parent who is causing the divide between what once was a healthy relationship. Many times, a relationship between a child and loving parent is irreparably destroyed due to parental alienation caused by the narcissistic parent. What results is either a toxic/resentful relationship between the child and loving parent, or in the worst-case scenario, no relationship will be in existence between the loving parent and the child. This ultimately is the goal of a narcissistic parent who aims to destroy the relationship between the loving parent and the child. This then allows the narcissistic parent to have full control of the child and full control over the loving parent. It is therefore important to be aware of the warning signs of narcissistic parental alienation before it gets to the point where no relationship exists between the loving parent and the child.
Do Not Compete:
If you are up against a narcissistic parent who is indulging in a parental alienation campaign, it is important that you do not try and compete with this individual and his/her behaviour. Instead, it is important to focus on your own parenting styleyou’re your own relationship with the child that is focused on healthy values. Whilst a narcissistic parent may try and bribe a child with gifts and excess, it is important to instead focus on parenting your child with love, empathy, stability, truth, presence and a peaceful environment. Long-term, this will prevail once a child is old enough to comprehend the full picture of what has been occurring.
Ask for Help:
Dealing with a narcissistic abusive co-parent is not an easy task and should not be handled alone. You should be asking for help from third-parties such as family and friends who can maybe intervene and assist in the peaceful communication between you and your co-parent. You may also need to speak with a therapist to learn how to deal with a narcissistic abusive co-parent and develop your skills on how to communicate with him/her and with your child. In very difficult cases, you may also need to seek solicitor advice as your solicitor may be able to assist in finding a solution for your situation.
Take Care Of Yourself:
Finally, it is important that you take care of yourself when dealing with a narcissist in your co-parenting journey. It is a difficult task to deal with someone who may be manipulating and attempting to control you and your child. It is important that you take time for yourself, whether it is talking it out with a therapist or spending time with family and friends, enjoying the hobbies that make you happy and strengthening yourself so that you are able to create boundaries with your co-parent and learn to be mentally strong despite the circumstances.

If your co-parent escalates his/her narcissistic behavour to physical abuse, this is when you will need to seek professional assistance and report any abuse to the authorities. Speak to someone who can support you in safely reporting any abuse to authorities and ensure that you and your child are not in danger. This is also the time to speak with your solicitor so he/she can assist with legal action in protecting you and your child against an abusive spouse.

Co-Parenting Checklist for the Summer Holiday

In our last article, we discussed the importance of peaceful co-parenting and being prepared when planning your summer holidays with the children. In this article, we will continue on with our discussion by providing you with a short key checklist of things to keep in mind ahead of the children’s summer holidays:

Co-Parenting Summer Holiday Checklist:
1. Review co-parenting agreement/order(s) prior to planning your summer holiday with the children.
2. Plan a meeting/telephone call with your co-parent to discuss holiday plans and ensure both of you are on the same page about the upcoming summer holidays.
3. Plan your holidays with the children accordingly and obtain necessary paperwork/documents including but not limited to passports, birth certificates (if necessary) and Deed of Parenting (if necessary), Covid vaccination and vaccination records.
4. Provide a detailed summary of travel plans to your co-parent after tickets and plans are purchased and solidified.
5. Provide to your co-parent the emergency contact details for the children when traveling for the summer holidays.
6. Discuss any financial considerations with your co-parent about the children’s holiday travel plans and activities.
7. Enjoy your holidays with the children!
Questions to Ask Your Solicitor Prior to the Holidays:
1. After reviewing the children’s holiday agreement/orders and there is any confusion, ask for clarification from your solicitor so you are not misinterpreting or misreading the agreement/orders.
2. If there are disagreements about the summer holidays, ask your solicitor what can be done to assist in the process.
3. If an application must be made to the court, ask your solicitor detailed questions about the application including how long it will take to obtain a court order and if there is anything that can be done to expedite the process and what the costs are.
4. Ask your solicitor if you need to bring additional documents with you when traveling with the children other than a passport such as a birth certificate and/or Deed of Parenting.
5. If you have a history of issues with your co-parent, ask your solicitor if there are any safeguards or steps you can take in advance to avoid issues/conflict during the holidays with the children.

The above is a handy checklist of the things you should review and prepare in advance of the summer holidays. It is always better to be overprepared when it comes to the children’s holidays. The last thing you want is to have any issues or conflict during your holidays with the children or even worse, not being able to travel with the children for the holidays because of a disagreement with your co-parent over the summer holidays. Speak to your solicitor when in doubt!

Preparing for the Summer Holidays with your Co-Parent

It is never too early to begin your preparation for the summer holidays. This is especially true if you and your co-parent have difficulties agreeing on the logistics of the summer holidays. If you and your spouse are/were involved in a high conflict custody case or have a history of difficulties when making decisions about the children, preparedness is key ahead of the summer holidays.

Here are some tips on how to prepare and make seamless transition into your sunny summer holidays with ease and peace!:

Review Your Agreement/Orders: Before you buy your tickets and make plans for the summer holidays, it is always a good idea to review your agreement with your ex-spouse and any orders that the Family Court may have issued with respect to child custody arrangements and the holidays. It is important to review your agreement/orders so that you are in compliance with the custody arrangements for the summer holidays. As a safeguard, it may also be a good idea to speak to your co-parent about your plans so that you are on the same page about the children’s holiday schedule and there is no room for miscommunication or misunderstandings. Another way to safeguard any issues with your co-parent is to also plan in advance and accordingly so that if there are issues with cancellation or delayed flights, then you have sufficient time to bring the children back home in time for your co-parent’s holiday plans with the children and/or the start of school.
Communicate with your Co-Parent: As mentioned above, communication with your co-parent is key to avoid any miscommunication or misunderstanding when it comes to the children’s holiday schedule. If you are or were involved in a litigious divorce and it is difficult to communicate with your co-parent, then speak to your solicitor about communicating your travel plans with your co-parent well in advance of your travel plans. The last thing you or your co-parent want to deal with ahead of the holidays is disagreement and argument over the children’s holiday plans and/or during the holidays as this will only ruin your time with the children and your children will sense the tension. You can avoid such disagreements and arguments by speaking directly with your co-parent about your plans with the children and ensure your co-parent is fully aware of the plans before any tickets are purchased.
Provide Adequate Details About The Children’s Holidays: If you and your co-parent are on good terms, this will not be a difficult task. However, if you and your co-parent are having difficulties in communication and/or do not speak on a regular basis, it may be a difficult ask to provide transparency with respect to the children’s holidays. Many times, litigious co-parents do not want the other parent to know about the details of their holidays and do not feel the other parent is privy to these details. Whilst this is understandable in certain situations, it is important to remember that this is not about you. This is about the children. It is important for your co-parent to be made aware of the details of the children’s travel plans. This includes a detailed itinerary of travel such as the date of travel to/from their home and if there are additional travel plans within the trip. Other details you should provide to your co-parent is the contact details of the children during the trip and any other relevant details that may be important. For example, if your child is traveling with you and has additional travel plans within your trip to travel with family friends, this is something that should be disclosed to the other parent. The other parent is entitled to know where the children are during the holidays and how to reach them. It is also important to allow your children to be able to communicate with your co-parent even during the holidays. If your agreement/orders allow for your co-parent to have telephone/FaceTime with your children, you should ensure that the agreement/orders are followed even during the holidays.
Ensure Finances Are In Order For The Holidays: It is also important that before you embark on your journey, that your finances are well in order with respect to the children. For example, if your co-parent is required to provide extra monies for the children’s holidays, be sure to communicate this with your co-parent so that you are both on the same page about the activities and adventures the children will be participating in on the holiday. It is important to ensure that the shared costs for the holidays are shared indeed. Any disagreement about costs related to the children’s holiday plans can easily be resolved with direct communication with your co-parent.

If there are disagreements about the children’s holidays and there is no way to handle the disagreement, this is the time when you will need to speak to a solicitor. If you and your spouse are in disagreement over the agreement/orders regarding the children’s holidays, you may require court intervention. If court intervention is required, it is important to recognize that it will take a considerable amount of time before you can be heard before a judge and before a decision is made. It is for this reason that you should prepare well in advance of the children’s holidays to ensure that you and your co-parent are in agreement with the children’s plans. If there is no agreement, then at least there will be sufficient time to mediate or seek court intervention before the holidays approach.

Yearly Recap of Some of The Most Interesting Divorce Stories in 2022

The year of 2022 was not short of interesting and sometimes shocking divorce stories from around the world. To wrap up the year, we have put together a list of some of the more interesting stories that have been circulating the web over the last year:

Celebrity Breakup: One of the top celebrity breakups was surprise divorce between uber famous Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen. It was reported that Gisele gave Tom an ultimatum to choose their family or his NFL career after his short retirement. Both Tom and Gisele released joint statements after filing for divorce on October 29, 2022 and they are expected to amicably raise their children despite the divorce.
Pet Custody In China: A couple in China decided to divorce and whilst they had no children, they did have a pet Corgi. The Corgi was at the center of their divorce, with both pet parents wanting full custody of the dog. The wife argued that she deserved ownership of the dog because she purchased the dog but also raised the Corgi. The husband acknowledged that he did not feed the dog or clean up after it as much as his wife, but that he walked the dog regularly and considered the Corgi as his child. The Court in China accepted that the dog was a joint asset of the marriage but it could not be divided as a normal asset would. Eventually the couple reached an agreement and the Corgi lived with the wife. The husband had regular visitation and he agreed to pay monthly alimony for the dog’s monthly expenses.
Highest Divorce Rate: Maldives, Kazakhstan and Russia have been listed as the top places in the world with the highest divorce rate. Also on the list for 2022 was Belgium, Belarus Moldova, China, Cuba, Ukraine and Denmark.
Top Reasons for Divorce: In another report, lack of commitment, communication issues and infidelity topped the list on the main reasons for divorce.
No Fault Divorce in England and Wales: On 6^th April 2022, England and Wales adopted a “No-Fault Divorce Law” pursuant to the Divorce Dissolution and Separation Act, which allows couples to legally separate without either party having to admit any wrongdoing. This is a change from the previous law in the United Kingdom where parties filed for Divorce citing fault either by way of adultery or unreasonable behaviour or desertion. Whilst couples in the United Kingdom can opt for divorce based on 2 years’ separation, this basis for divorce requires consent from the other party and if no consent is received, parties must be separated for an additional 5 years before a Petition for Divorce can be filed.

That wraps up the year of 2022! We at Hong Kong Divorce are here to provide you with as much useful information as possible to make your divorce journey as smooth as possible. If you are thinking about divorce or wish to file, be sure to speak with a solicitor who can assist you along the way. We at Hong Kong Divorce wish you a very Happy Holidays and an even better New Year of 2023!

What Is A Form J And Why Is It Important?

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Subscribe to Our Newsletter