How To Prepare For Mediation

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How To Prepare For Mediation

One of the most cost-effective ways to resolve your divorce is through mediation. In order for mediation to succeed, both parties need to be willing to come to the table willing to discuss all issues and with a compromising spirit.

In an earlier article published on www.hongkongdivorce.com, our special contributor Shanna Quinn, a professionally trained mediator, outlined family mediation and what it entails in Hong Kong.

In this article, we will discuss three (3) key ways to succeed in divorce mediation and how you can come out of mediation with a sense of gratitude and accomplishment.

1. Keep Your Emotions Out: It is not uncommon for spouses to use mediation as a vehicle to lay out emotions about all the wrongdoings that had occurred during the marriage. Whilst it is important to express your opinion and communicate your feelings during this complicated season of your life, the purpose of mediation is to resolve issues and move forward, not to rehash the past. By keeping your emotions out of the mediation, you are recognizing that a divorce is simply a business transaction, whereby you and your spouse are outlining the legal terms to dissolve your marriage. Thus, do your best to keep your emotions out of the transaction and the path towards resolving your divorce will be a lot more seamless.

2. Be Willing To Compromise: In order to move forward in resolving your divorce, each spouse has to be willing to compromise. In a divorce, there are no real “winners” or “losers” because at some point each of you will walk away without getting everything that you had wished for. There has to be a certain amount of compromise in order to resolve your divorce. To successfully compromise, you will need to be willing to hear the other side and the reasons behind their position. Be willing to listen and empathize with your spouse and you may soon realize that your spouse may also extend the same courtesy to you as well. A settlement meeting will provide you and your spouse with a platform to negotiate and figure out a plan that you both are willing to accept.

3. Ask Questions, Take A Break, Ask For Time: Mediation will provide you with an opportunity to hash out details of your divorce without the pressure of the Family Court issuing orders and making decisions for your family. If you are in mediation and you do not understand the legal jargon or terms being stated, be sure to speak up and ask questions. If you are represented by a solicitor or barrister, do not be afraid to stop the meeting and ask your solicitor or barrister to explain everything to you. No question is irrelevant as your understanding of what is being discussed will affect your future and your family’s future. If you need a break and need time to process what is being negotiated or offered, ask for this time and each person in the meeting should respect your request for a break. You are entitled to be involved throughout the entire process and you can only be involved if you understand what is being discussed and negotiated.

While in some cases one mediation is sufficient to resolve all of your issues, some divorces require multiple mediation meetings to finalize outstanding issues. If your matter requires several mediation meetings, it is important to note that any prior meetings are not without benefit since they are ALL stepping stones to resolution.

Mediating Divorce In Hong Kong

When you marry, the hope is that it will be a forever partnership.  Unfortunately, divorce is all too common these days and it is a reality for many individuals in Hong Kong and around the world. While the effects of divorce cannot be completely avoided, it can somewhat be alleviated depending on how you choose to approach your divorce.

One way to alleviate the difficulties associated with divorce is mediation. In Hong Kong, there are many qualified mediators who can assist you and your spouse in working through the complex issues associated with divorce and allow both you and your spouse the opportunity to discuss issues and hopefully come to an agreement and plan that works best for you and your family.

Here are a few things to consider in determining whether mediation is an optimal alternative for you and your spouse:

  1. Do You And Your Spouse Communicate? If you and your spouse are on speaking terms and can communicate without anger, frustration and criticism, this is a good sign that the two you will be able to sit together in mediation and work on resolving issues in your divorce
  2. Do You Want To Minimize Fees And Costs? The bottom line is that mediation saves money.  When you litigate your divorce there can be exorbitant costs incurred to pay solicitors, barristers, joint experts and so forth.  Mediation minimizes costs and if you and your spouse are tight on funds and wish to minimize fees and costs, mediation is a wonderful alternative.
  3. What Are Your Future Plans? It is true that when you litigate a divorce in Hong Kong you may be delayed due to the time constraints/busyness of the Family Court and being heard before judge. If you are in a hurry to get a divorce and want to resolve issues as soon as possible, mediation is a good option which will mean that your divorce proceedings are not drawn out for years to come.

In Hong Kong, a litigated divorce is costly.  Not only do you have to consider Family Court costs, but you also have to consider costs that are incurred as a result of employing a solicitor and potentially a barrister depending on the complexity of your case.  If you are able to communicate effectively with your spouse and believe the two of you can come to reasoned decisions and agreements related to issues such as asset division, spousal and child maintenance and child custody issues, then mediation may be a viable option for you.

Here are some helpful tips that may assist in a successful mediation:

  1. Do Not Involve The Children In Adult Discussions/Decisions If you want to mediate your divorce and want to come to a reasoned decision that is in the best interests of you and your family, it is highly beneficial to lay the groundwork of a co-parenting relationship with your spouse.  To do so means that you do not involve the children in any adult discussions with respect to the divorce.  This also means there should not be any badmouthing of the other spouse with the children.  Remember that children need both parents and it should be your priority to facilitate your children having a healthy relationship with the other parent.
  2. Compromise: To be successful at mediation requires you to compromise with your spouse.  If you are not willing to compromise, it will be very difficult to come to an agreement in mediation as there needs to be both give and take between you and your spouse.  You may be surprised that when you take a few steps towards compromise, your spouse may be willing to meet you halfway and be more willing to compromise him/herself.
  3. Be Willing To Reach Out And Communicate: You may want to consider reaching out to your spouse to smooth out any misunderstandings before mediation so that you and your spouse can come to the mediation table without any built-up resentment or anger.  While you may not have the same relationship as when you were married, it is important to recognize that you and your spouse may still need to remain in each other’s lives. For example, when you are co-parents of the children of the family.  Reaching out and putting pride aside will go a long way in building a new relationship post-divorce.
  4. Try To Understand Your Spouse’s Point Of View: It is important to always consider your spouse’s point of view.  While it may be hard to do so given long-standing resentments and issues in the relationship, this is an important step in resolving issues amicably.  Perhaps your spouse may be proposing something reasonable.  Take the time to consider their point of view before forming your own decision.  You may be surprised that there is a compromise in the midst of two differing ideas/opinions.

If you are interested in mediating your divorce, speak with a professional solicitor experienced in matrimonial law.  He/she will be able to put you in touch with an experienced mediator who can assist you and your spouse in resolving issues.  Once you and your spouse agree on a mediator, the mediator will walk you through the steps and preparation needed before you attend the first session.  It is important to note that depending on the complexity of your case, you and your spouse may need to attend multiple mediation sessions.  The key however is that you and your spouse are both willing to cooperate and participate in the mediation process.  That in itself will go a long way in helping you and your spouse achieve the goals you want in your divorce.

Moving Forward: Making Mutual Decisions After A Marriage Or Relationship Breakdown

By Special Contributor:  Shanna Quinn

One of life’s most stressful events is separation from a spouse or partner. Although some conflict over parenting and financial issues after the breakdown of a relationship is to be expected, it is not inevitable for disputes to be resolved in a Court of Law.

What Is Family Mediation?

Family mediation is where a professional, trained, impartial mediator helps couples, following a separation, explore options and negotiate a settlement acceptable to both parties.

What Issues Can Mediation Assist With?

 Issues that can be assisted by mediation include, but are not limited to:

CHILDREN

  • Living and care arrangements for children
  • Education
  • Relocation

FINANCES

  • Division of assets including real property, investments, savings, pensions, debts, inheritance, probate matters and house contents
  • Child maintenance
  • Spousal maintenance

DIVORCE

  • Deciding on the divorce process

Benefits Of Mediation

  • Decisions are made by the parties themselves – not by lawyers or by a court
  • It is a faster and cheaper process, avoiding lengthy court proceedings
  • The mediator is neutral and impartial
  • The process provides an informal, confidential and more personalised space to discuss and resolve issues
  • What is said in a mediation is said on a ‘without prejudice’ basis, i.e. whatever is said cannot be used as evidence in a Court. Parties can speak candidly, make and consider concessions and compromises without being worried that they will be used against them later in Court
  • Terms of a mediated agreement may be made into a binding consent order, enforceable at law
  • It can be voluntary or court ordered
  • The process is flexible in terms of whether the parties remain together in the one room or are in separate rooms
  • Legal representation is optional
  • Mutual decision-making encourages ongoing cooperation and helps lower hostility

Who Are The Mediators?

Mediators generally have legal or social science qualifications and substantial professional  experience and have undertaken specialised training. In Hong Kong there is the choice of English, Cantonese or Mandarin speaking mediators. Most mediators have been accredited by the Hong Kong Mediation Council. In Hong Kong parties have the benefit of being able to choose  a mediator, having regard to professional background and experience, cultural and ethnic background, gender and language.

Do I Need A Lawyer?

Legal representation is optional but mediators will encourage parties to seek legal advice prior to signing the Agreement. While the mediator can provide legal information to the parties and reality test parties’ options and their likely consequences, the mediator will not give the parties legal advice.

If lawyers are present it is usual that they adopt a less adversarial and more conciliatory approach in the mediation. If the lawyers do not attend the mediation, parties are free to speak with their lawyer at any time.

How Long Does It Take?

Generally a mediation can be organized within two to three weeks, if not sooner. Factors that impact on the length of time it takes to reach settlement include:

  • Whether the parties have made full and frank disclosure, particularly with respect to financial matters
  • The level of hostility between the parties
  • The number of issues to be resolved
  • The complexity of the issues to be discussed
  • Timeliness of legal advice

 What Is The Process?

While all mediators have their own personal style the process is uniform and involves:

Pre-Mediation

  • The mediator receives the referral
  • Relevant information is given to the mediator
  • The mediator has a confidential, separate preliminary meeting with each party to obtain relevant history, identify the issues and determine the best process, i.e. whether the mediation will involve joint and/or separate meetings with the mediator

The Mediation

Mediators adopt different models, i.e. some mediators prefer to have the preliminary meetings and first session on the same day. Other meditators prefer to separate the processes. Some mediators prefer half day or full day sessions while others operate on an hourly basis.

The Mediation

  • The mediator and parties together identify parties’ respective concerns and issues for discussion
  • An agenda is created to ensure all issues are addressed and prioritized
  • Relevant information is shared
  • Proposals are discussed and options are explored and reality tested
  • Parties reach a mutual agreement

Post Mediation

  • If the Agreement reached in mediation has not already been reduced to writing and signed, the mediator will prepare the written Agreement
  • Parties are encouraged to seek legal advice prior to signing the Agreement
  • Typically, the Agreement is made into a Consent Order, which is prepared by the lawyers and filed in Court.

About Shanna:  Shanna Quinn has built her career on helping individuals and families navigate disputes and conflict in a fair, equitable and conciliatory manner. Her practical approach to your situation, combined with her extensive experience as a Barrister, Mediator and Forensic Social Worker can add significant value to your case.

Shanna has been involved in highly complex and sensitive cases involving family breakdowns, relationship disputes, child protection and domestic violence orders. Shanna is able to quickly comprehend her clients’ needs, is adaptive and can deliver valuable, practical and prompt legal advice, mediation and training.

 

Q&A With Madeleine Booth, Barrister-At-Law (Family Law)

Join us in this insightful discussion with Barrister-At-Law, Madeleine Booth of Bernacchi Chambers in Hong Kong.

Can you tell us a little bit about your background and how you came to be a barrister in Hong Kong?: 

I was born and raised in Hong Kong. I travelled to the UK for my university studies, and then to Beijing for work afterwards for two years. Hong Kong has always been my home, and wherever I went I always intended to bring myself back here with my work, with a hope to contribute through meaningful employment. After Beijing I decided to pursue a career in law. I completed both the Juris Doctor programme and the PCLL at the Chinese University of Hong Kong, after which I was offered a training contract with a law firm.

I had always been on the fence about whether I should become a solicitor or barrister. I explored both options while I was studying, doing both internships with various firms and mini-pupillages at different sets of chambers, every summer and winter holiday.  My time and experience at the firm solidified that I was more suited to the role and work of a barrister than a solicitor. So I decided to join the Bar.

Having two parents who are both lawyers, and having spent some time at a firm, I understand the practical realities of how solicitors operate, and how to be of practical benefit in working together with my instructing solicitors to handle cases in the best possible way, doing the best possible work for our clients.

What is the difference between a solicitor and a barrister in Hong Kong?

Solicitors and barristers are both professional lawyers, but the nature of their work differs. A legal practitioner in Hong Kong cannot be both a solicitor and a barrister at the same time.

Solicitors take on both contentious (i.e. cases that go to court) and non-contentious work (i.e. transactional work such as advising sales and purchases, preparing wills, preparing contracts, forming trusts, etc.). Solicitors have direct contact with clients and play the major role of client care, including providing legal opinions, taking instructions from clients, communicating with the opposing parties and/or their solicitors, case preparation leading up to trial etc.

Barristers previously tended to specialise in contentious litigation work and courtroom advocacy, making submissions in courts on behalf of the client, although their role in modern times has expanded. While advocacy and court-based work remains a fundamental tenet of a barristers’ workload, counsel may also often provide written advice if requested by solicitors, which give an evaluation of a case’s merit or the issues involved. They may also be asked to provide advice on non-contentious questions of law where that particular barrister may have specialist knowledge and understanding.

Barristers are instructed by solicitors to undertake work, whether it’s appearing in court, or providing advice, as may be required.  Barristers may not accept instructions from a client directly without having the solicitor as their first point of contact. The system operates not too dissimilarly to how a general doctor may recommend a client to see a specialist doctor for their particular needs.

Barristers receive payment for their work from the solicitors; they cannot be paid directly by the client. Barristers’ fees are treated as disbursements in the solicitors’ fees, which are charged to the client.

In Hong Kong, barristers have unlimited rights of audience to appear before every court. Although solicitors have rights of audience in (amongst others) the Magistrate Courts and the District Courts, they have no right of audience in the Court of Final Appeal, and only limited rights in the High Court. This is unless a solicitor is granted Higher Rights of Audience by the Higher Rights Assessment Board. This is rare, and indicative of a solicitor’s expertise in his or her field, and calibre as an advocate.

Solicitors are regulated by the Law Society of Hong Kong whereas barristers are regulated by the Hong Kong Bar Association.

What role do you play in a matrimonial suit? What do you, as a barrister, bring to the table?

Barristers are often instructed for important hearings in the course of a matrimonial suit, such as Child Dispute Resolution Hearings, Financial Dispute Resolution Hearings, or trials. This is often because the direction a case takes, and therefore its ultimate outcome, can be significantly impacted by the oral submissions made to the court in such hearings. This is where a barrister’s expertise, knowledge and ability to make submissions to the judge in a compelling and persuasive manner have the capacity to turn the tide of a case.

As a barrister, my role generally is to supplement and contribute to the handling of a case in any way possible to achieve the best possible outcome for the client. This includes not only courtroom work and preparation, settling pleadings and written submissions, but also conferences together with the client and instructing solicitor to make decisions on how the case should properly be carried forward.  A case, and the client, can often greatly benefit from the input and advice contributed by counsel, even from its initial stages.

Generally speaking, solicitors will handle multiple facets of multiple ongoing cases at a time. As a barrister, my sole focus is to give my undivided attention to the preparation and presentation of a case for court, crafting legal arguments and oral submissions to present the case as strongly as possible. Barristers and solicitors work in partnership to handle the case efficiently and effectively to secure the best possible outcome for their client.

Do you think it is important for individuals to employ barristers to assist in their divorce?

Each case will be different and require handling in a different manner, but generally speaking, it certainly never hurts to have another experienced professional assisting a client, who can significantly supplement and add to the support and advice being provided by a client’s solicitors.

As mentioned above, a solicitor’s role is invaluable, but a barrister’s specialisation in courtroom advocacy can be crucial for a case, and has the capacity to hugely affect its outcome in a pivotal manner. A barrister’s experience and knowledge may provide invaluable input as to how the case may best be managed, particularly if it requires specialist knowledge or expertise in a particular field in matrimonial law.

What is the best advice you can give to those individuals who are struggling through a divorce and how to get through it?

Divorces are highly emotional and deeply personal. They are difficult and not at all easy to navigate. No two situations are alike, as no two people are alike, and there is an uncapped spectrum of familial and financial elements that will affect the people involved.

My principle advice is for the parties to attempt to settle if possible. If everything cannot be agreed or settled entirely, then attempt to find a partial agreement with regard to some matters, for instance children, if this is possible. This has the positive benefit of resolving important matters between the parties from the outset rather than having to go through the court process, which can be extremely lengthy and time consuming.  If the issues resolved through the courts are reduced, expenses will also be kept lower for the parties.

It is unfortunate that parties may be forced to enter into litigation against one another if things cannot be resolved amicably, compounding the difficulty of the situation. Parties should strive to remember the bigger picture, and try to not get bogged down in aggressive litigation that is of no benefit to anyone involved. Remember that agreements and settlements can be made at any time in the process, and ideally the parties and their solicitors should be striving to achieve this, if possible, at all times.

My last recommendation is for parties to consider counselling or therapy, for both themselves and any children of the family, as may be appropriate. It is hugely beneficial to have regular conversations and discussions with a qualified professional who may be able to alleviate emotional distress, and provide a healthy outlet for any frustration caused by the divorce process. Therapy can also greatly assist people in taking the steps to rebuild their lives and transition to life after divorce. Studies have also shown that children positively benefit from being able to fully and honestly express their emotions to a person who is not a parent or family member. Allowing a child of the family to meet with a qualified professional could also help family dynamics in the long run, and help protect the child from any negative impact that a divorce may have upon them and their relationships in the future.

About Madeleine: 

Madeleine’s practice encompasses both civil and criminal law, with a particular specialisation in matrimonial work.

In the Family Court, Madeleine has experience in contested financial and child related matters, and family related company and trust cases.

Having represented clients at Financial Dispute Resolution hearings, Children’s Dispute Resolution hearings, as well as at trial for preliminary issues (third party interests/property/companies), financial issues (MPS applications, ancillary relief trials) and child related matters (such as custody disputes, and applications under the Guardianship of Minors Ordinance), Madeleine’s experience is broad.

Madeleine is often called upon to make applications under s.17 of the MPPO, setting aside dispositions or applying for injunctions, on an urgent basis.

Madeleine also has experience in a number of other areas of legal practice, including civil litigation and criminal law. She has assisted senior counsel, and acted as sole legal counsel, in multiple hearings and trials at each level of court in Hong Kong, from its magistracies to the Court of Final Appeal. Madeleine appears in the High Court of Hong Kong regularly with respect to civil litigation matters, including trust related cases, injunctions, summary judgment applications, garnishee orders, as well as bankruptcy proceedings.

Madeleine’s experience extends beyond advocacy to include providing written opinions and legal advice, as well as participating in mediation and arbitration.