Category Archives: Resolution

The Fight for the Family Home in Divorce

A major bone of contention among divorcing couples is the division of the family home. This is understandable given that couples invest considerable time, effort and money in creating a dwelling place and for the majority of couples, the family home is a major asset that a couple acquires during the marriage. Having a roof over your head and over the heads of children is of paramount importance to a court when making decisions related to the matrimonial home. It is for this reason that individuals must have a realistic view of what can happen to this asset during a divorce. One potential change may be the loss of the family home. A party to a divorce may be required to “downgrade” to a smaller place or may even be required to rent instead of own a home, which for some is a difficult change of circumstances.

So, with this in mind, what happens to a family home in a divorce and what options are available? Here are a few things to consider when discussing the family home in a divorce:

Sell the Family Home:

One option that divorcing couples opt for is to sell the family home. Proceeds from the sale of the home are then split accordingly between you and your ex-spouse, the split percentage being agreed upon by you and your ex-spouse or by court order. Prior to the agreement or order for the sale of the family home, you and your ex-spouse may be required to hire an expert valuer to value the property in question, especially in circumstances where you and your ex-spouse cannot agree to the listing price or the percentage split of the sales proceeds of the home.

In Hong Kong, the Family Court has the authority to issue what is called a “Mesher order” which basically is an order to sell the family home but at a postponed time until a named event occurs, such as when a minor child graduates from high school or university. The Family Court will look at the facts surrounding the family before making any such orders but the goal in postponing a sale is to consider the accommodation of one spouse and the children.

Another power of the Family Court is to issue what is called a “Martin order.” This is similar to a Mesher Order, except that under a Martin Order, one party is given an entitlement to occupy the family home for life or until remarriage.

In certain situations, if a transfer of property results in one party having a larger share of the matrimonial pool, the individual who receives the greater share may be required to compensate the other party a lump sum of the gain or the receiving party can hold a legal charge over the property until such time he/she can be later compensated.

It is important to bear in mind that if a Family Court makes an order for the sale of the family home, it can only be ordered after you are divorced (Decree Absolute).

Transfer of Property:

Although not common, the Family Court in Hong Kong also has the ability to order a transfer of the family home to the other spouse or a child of the family.

The Family Court in Hong Kong acknowledges that it is generally desirable for the primary caring parent to remain in the family home, on the basis that the children remain in a home they are used to and close to their school, and the Family Court will do what they can to maintain that status quo. This however does not mean the Family Court will not take into account cheaper accommodation if this means capital can be released from the family home and the family can move into similar and satisfactory accommodation.

One thing to keep in mind in a transfer of property situation, is whether there is a mortgage attached to the property as this could affect a transfer of property. What will become a factor is whether the receiving party can maintain the mortgage from either his/her own resources or from maintenance received by the other party.

Buy-Out:

Another option to consider, if you have the ability and the funds, is to buy-out your ex-spouse’s interest in the family home. If you choose this option, talk to your solicitor and discuss what provisions are necessary in an agreement/order to secure your interest in this property.

Stay in the Home Pending Sale/Transfer:

Some divorcing couples may consider staying in the family home and live together pending the finalization of the divorce. While this might make sense for some families, it could also create an environment of stress and tension, not only for the divorcing couple, but also for the children. Before choosing this option, it is important to have a plan and discuss this with your ex-spouse so boundaries are established and communication tools are in place should conflict occur. Having a plan will eliminate any tension that may occur when living in close quarters.

Tenancies:

In a city like Hong Kong, it is not unusual for couples not to own a home, but instead become renters due to the high housing costs. In a divorce, it is not uncommon for one party to remain in the rental unit until such time the lease has expired, subject of course to whether the parties have the ability to pay the rent.

Adjustments must be made at times and this relates to rental units as well. In certain cases, there may be insufficient income to pay for two rents each month. Such adjustments may include a “downgrade” to a smaller, less expensive rental unit or even adjust the standard of living.

Discuss these options with your ex-spouse, along with your solicitor. Your solicitor can provide you with more detail on what options are best suited for you and your unique circumstances. While it may be uncomfortable and upsetting to divide an important asset such as the family home, this may also be an opportunity to start fresh and create a new home for you and your family.

Divorce and Children’s Welfare

Emotions run high in divorce, particularly when children are at stake. When parents are involved in a litigious battle over children, intense emotions of a parent dealing with change and loss may cloud his or her ability to separate emotions from the needs of a child. To deal with this reality, courts look to the welfare of a child when making orders regarding children and their future. The goal of the welfare of the child is the well-being of a child’s mental health, security, happiness and overall emotional development for future success. Often, the welfare of a child is closely intertwined with a close, loving and consistent relationship with both parents.

Ideally, the goal of all parents in divorce should be the best interests of a child. However, this is not always possible and this is when a court will step in to make these important decisions.

How Do Courts Determine The Welfare Of A Child?

In the United States of America, the welfare of a child is similar to the “best interests standard” where the courts will look to several factors when determining what is in the best interests of a child. In Hong Kong, there is no “best interests” standard per se. While there is no formal standard in place, glimpses of the standard are coming through Hong Kong court decisions. And the good news is that the standard is becoming embodied in a “welfare checklist” in a children’s ordinance bill which is currently under discussion and consideration. The “welfare checklist” includes questions the court will consider when making orders such as: the views of a child, the child’s physical, emotional and educational needs, family violence and the capability of a parent to meet the child’s needs. Keith Hotten, a barrister, mediator and matrimonial law professor in Hong Kong says “[The new legislation] brings Hong Kong into the modern world. The point of the new legislation is to bring focus onto parental responsibility, which is essentially joint custody.”

In Hong Kong, the welfare of the child is of paramount consideration when courts make decisions with respect to children. The welfare of the child is fact specific to each and every case. It is a broad standard, which is valuable because the court will look at many factors before making any major decisions regarding a child. Some factors the court may consider include the following: the preservation of the status quo; the ages of the parents and child; the personality, capability and character of the parents; the financial resources of the parents; the physical and mental health of the parents and child; the accommodation available to the child, the child’s own wishes and views if any, and if the child is at an appropriate age and maturity; the benefit of keeping the siblings together with one parent; the religion and culture of the family; and also professional reports such as medical, schooling or the court’s social welfare officer reports. It is important to note that this list is not exhaustive and are only a guideline of some of the factors the courts will take into consideration when considering the welfare of a child. Many times, the court will consider any and all factors it deems valuable in making an informed decision regarding the welfare of the child.

A Parent’s Role And A Child’s Best interests:

In a divorce, it is of utmost importance that parents consider what is in the best interests of their child when making decisions for the family post-divorce. It is also important for parents to be mindful of the fact that their actions will weigh heavily on a child, including behavior during the divorce. When it comes to separation and divorce, it can easily slip into a contest of which parent is acting more in the “best interests” of their child.” To avoid this type of conflict, parents should talk together and/or consider a parenting coach or mediation to assist when communication with each other is becoming difficult. A mediator or parenting coach can assist parents with effective communication and provide individuals with tools on how to communicate, think reasonably and rationally and manage emotions during a very difficult transition. Parents should also ask themselves key questions before making any major decisions such as: “How will this impact our child’s relationship with the other parent? How will this impact our child’s emotional and mental well-being? How will our child feel towards me in the long-term, if I reduce contact with the other parent?”

Overall, parents who work together and make the best decisions for their child are better off than when a court imposes an order on the family. With that goal in mind, look for a parenting expert or coach in Hong Kong. There are also many valuable resources available to you including co-parenting classes and co-parenting books. Finally, don’t forget to talk to a solicitor in Hong Kong for a resource list and tips on how to navigate this process!

Mental Health and Divorce

It is not uncommon for many individuals to equate divorce to a death in the family. A plethora of emotions are not uncommon and can range from feelings of freedom, happiness, remorse, sadness and guilt along with a dash of bitterness, resentment and frustration. A divorce becomes exceptionally difficult when individuals are engaged in long, drawn-out court battles on key issues such as children, assets and ancillary relief.

In this article, we focus on the importance of enlisting the help of mental health professionals when you are going through a divorce. It is a key way to help you heal and move forward in your life. Mental health professionals can help you process the range of emotions you may experience during the divorce process and provide you with helpful tools to resolve issues you may be dealing with in this divorce journey.

In a time when mental health awareness is being highlighted in media and self-care is becoming a priority, there should be no shame in seeking help when it is needed to get you to a better place emotionally and spiritually.

Types of Mental Health Professionals: Before we dive into the benefits of enlisting the assistance of mental health professionals in divorce, let’s look at the types of mental health experts available to you in divorce. One mental health expert may be a therapist/psychologist. A therapist/psychologist can assist you in managing the stresses of divorce, including your expectations of the outcome. A therapist/psychologist can also help you develop new interpersonal skills that are valuable in creating healthier relationships whether it be with your spouse or your children during and after the divorce process. The interpersonal skills and tools you may learn through therapy is especially helpful if you have children and there is a need to co-parent with your ex-spouse. If you do not have the means to hire a therapist/psychologist, there are many mental health services available such as St. John’s Cathedral Counselling Service or The Samaritans in Hong Kong which can provide emotional support and counseling services for those in distress free of charge. Another mental health professional you may consider is a mediator who can assist you and your spouse negotiate a mutual agreement with respect to custody and access. This is an ideal option if you and your spouse are on amicable terms and you both believe a compromise is feasible through open dialogue and communication. To enlist a mediator to assist in custody and access issues is beneficial especially if you and your spouse agree that you do not wish to involve the court in resolving your custody and access issues. Another option is a parenting coordinator, who can assist you and your spouse resolve minor issues such as holiday pickup arrangements and communication disputes.
Benefits Of Hiring A Mental Health Professional In Divorce: What are the benefits in hiring a mental health professional? Calming emotions, clarifying expectations and helping discuss difficult issues are just some of the essential benefits obtained through the assistance of a mental health professional. Before deciding on a mental health professional, do your due diligence and conduct your own research before you entrust the personal details of your life to a professional. Your solicitor can be a helpful resource in providing you with a list of reputable and highly trained experts in the very area in which you seek assistance. There are many healthcare professionals in Hong Kong who have dealt with divorcing couples and can provide you and your family with helpful tools on how to navigate these difficult waters.
When Should A Mental Health Professional Be Employed In Your Divorce? Deciding on whether to enlist the help of a mental health professional is a personal decision. Consider therapy if you believe it can offer support and assistance in your own personal growth journey. Consider therapy if you are struggling with mental illness, which may be triggered or exacerbated by the circumstances surrounding your divorce. Talk to your solicitor to determine if a mediator is needed to resolve disputed children’s issues in your divorce. Your solicitor may have insight as to whether these third-party experts will be helpful to your case. You and your spouse may even consider enlisting the help of these trained mental health professionals for your children, especially if they are struggling with the “new normal” of the family dynamics. However, when doing so, make sure that the children are amenable to the idea as it truly is up to a child on whether he or she wants to attend therapy. Respect your child’s privacy if he or she chooses to attend therapy to resolve issues related to the divorce and remember not to use it as a weapon against the other spouse in your divorce.
Consider Other Forms Of Mental Health Support: Finally, mental health support does not need to be limited to therapy. Consider mediation, yoga or other forms of physical exercise to boost your mood, mind, confidence and self-esteem. A healthy lifestyle, hobbies, journal practice and gratitude and appreciation lists are also helpful ways to boost your mood and confidence. Change is difficult to adapt to, but be hopeful in that change is good and there are better things ahead.

Your solicitor is available to support you through the divorce process and can provide you not only with legal assistance but emotional support as well. Do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it. There is no shame in asking for help to bring your mental state to a better place.

Divorce and Reconciliation

The decision to divorce is not an easy one. After careful thought, many couples come to the difficult decision to part ways. The divorce process can be excruciatingly painful as families become divided and individuals must navigate the law in obtaining an official divorce. In some cases, there are couples who realize halfway through the divorce process that a breakup of the family is not what they ultimately desire and the path towards reconciliation is forged.
What does reconciliation look like from a legal perspective in Hong Kong? Here are some things to consider when it comes to reconciliation:

1. Legal Ramifications of Reconciliation: If you and your spouse are considering reconciliation during the divorce process, it is important to speak with your solicitor. For example, if you and your spouse are working on your relationship and cohabitate after a separation, this will be important in your divorce as it will be taken into consideration with respect to the separation period. Note that if you and your spouse cohabitate for a period of less than 6 months, then the starting date for the period of separation will remain the same, although the time spent together to work on the marriage will not counted as part of the separation period. Also, when you file a Petition for divorce, you and your solicitor will discuss the issue of reconciliation and you will need to file a Certificate of Reconciliation. If there is a good chance that you and your spouse will reconcile, the Family Court may adjourn your case to allow for the possibility of reconciliation as the Family Court in Hong Kong wants to provide every opportunity for reconciliation. If you and your spouse wish to reconcile during divorce proceedings, you may wish to withdraw the Petition for Divorce. However, speak to your solicitor because if you wish to reconcile after you have obtained a Decree Nisi (tentative court order for divorce), then you must seek leave from the Family Court to rescind the Petition for Divorce which requires specific paperwork that your solicitor can prepare on your behalf and walk you through the process. Remember that if you and your spouse obtain a Decree Absolute, thus legally divorced in Hong Kong, you will now be free to re-marry, even if that means to re-marry one another once again.

2. To Reconcile or Not? Reconciliation is not for everyone. It is certainly a personal decision between you and your spouse. To be effective, both parties must genuinely want to reconcile. Reconciliation also requires effort by both parties to nurture this new relationship. On the flip side, reconciliation may be out of the question if emotional damage by the divorce is so severe and difficult to overcome. If there is a history of domestic violence or emotional abuse or manipulation, reconciliation should be carefully considered with the assistance of psychologists and others trained in the area of domestic violence and emotional abuse. This is particularly important when children are involved.

3. Keep The Lines Of Communication Open: If you hope to reconcile with your ex-spouse, maintain open lines of communication. Try to maintain a sense of civility, if not only for the sake of your children and their best interests. Consider counseling, and do not be afraid to ask your spouse if he/she is willing to attend counseling with you. A counselor can help guide you in the decision to reconcile and help you and your spouse avoid past mistakes in your marriage. You may also learn new skills on how to resolve the issues which led to the divorce in the first place.

Reconciliation should not be taken lightly. It takes significant effort and time. But if successful, it can be a wonderful thing for you and your family.

How To Prepare For Mediation

One of the most cost-effective ways to resolve your divorce is through mediation. In order for mediation to succeed, both parties need to be willing to come to the table willing to discuss all issues and with a compromising spirit.

In an earlier article published on www.hongkongdivorce.com, our special contributor Shanna Quinn, a professionally trained mediator, outlined family mediation and what it entails in Hong Kong.

In this article, we will discuss three (3) key ways to succeed in divorce mediation and how you can come out of mediation with a sense of gratitude and accomplishment.

1. Keep Your Emotions Out: It is not uncommon for spouses to use mediation as a vehicle to lay out emotions about all the wrongdoings that had occurred during the marriage. Whilst it is important to express your opinion and communicate your feelings during this complicated season of your life, the purpose of mediation is to resolve issues and move forward, not to rehash the past. By keeping your emotions out of the mediation, you are recognizing that a divorce is simply a business transaction, whereby you and your spouse are outlining the legal terms to dissolve your marriage. Thus, do your best to keep your emotions out of the transaction and the path towards resolving your divorce will be a lot more seamless.

2. Be Willing To Compromise: In order to move forward in resolving your divorce, each spouse has to be willing to compromise. In a divorce, there are no real “winners” or “losers” because at some point each of you will walk away without getting everything that you had wished for. There has to be a certain amount of compromise in order to resolve your divorce. To successfully compromise, you will need to be willing to hear the other side and the reasons behind their position. Be willing to listen and empathize with your spouse and you may soon realize that your spouse may also extend the same courtesy to you as well. A settlement meeting will provide you and your spouse with a platform to negotiate and figure out a plan that you both are willing to accept.

3. Ask Questions, Take A Break, Ask For Time: Mediation will provide you with an opportunity to hash out details of your divorce without the pressure of the Family Court issuing orders and making decisions for your family. If you are in mediation and you do not understand the legal jargon or terms being stated, be sure to speak up and ask questions. If you are represented by a solicitor or barrister, do not be afraid to stop the meeting and ask your solicitor or barrister to explain everything to you. No question is irrelevant as your understanding of what is being discussed will affect your future and your family’s future. If you need a break and need time to process what is being negotiated or offered, ask for this time and each person in the meeting should respect your request for a break. You are entitled to be involved throughout the entire process and you can only be involved if you understand what is being discussed and negotiated.

While in some cases one mediation is sufficient to resolve all of your issues, some divorces require multiple mediation meetings to finalize outstanding issues. If your matter requires several mediation meetings, it is important to note that any prior meetings are not without benefit since they are ALL stepping stones to resolution.

The Fight for the Family Home in Divorce

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