Category Archives: Children Arrangements

What Is A Form J And Why Is It Important?

Similar to a Form E, when you file for divorce in Hong Kong and proceed through the court system, there are a number of steps and forms you need to fill out as part of your divorce. One of the key disclosure documents you must fill out is a Form J. A Form J, or a Children’s Form is designed to help you and your spouse and the Court determine the best arrangements for the children. A Form J is therefore an important document that should be filled out with careful consideration and accurate details so that the Court can use this document to determine the best interests of the children. Similar to a Form E, a Form J is sworn and signed by you and should therefore contain truthful and accurate information. As this is a key document in determining custody and access arrangements, it is prudent that you fill out this form with the assistance of your solicitor who can guide you through the process of filling out the form in the most accurate and detailed way. In the event you and your spouse come to an agreement over the children without the need for Court intervention, then a Form J will not be needed. However, if you and your spouse are going through the Court system in order to resolve any custody and access arrangements, the Form J will be mandatory and you will exchange this disclosure document with your ex-spouse.

Let’s go through a Form J for a better understanding of what information and disclosure will be required by you:

Part 1: You and Your Children
In Part 1 of the Form J, you will need to provide general information about you and your children. This general information includes the full name and address of you and your children, their date of birth, age, sex and relationship to you. If there are third-parties involved in the care of your children such as step-parents, grandparents and domestic helpers, you will also need to provide such details including their name and their relationship to the children.

Part 2: Current Living Arrangements
In Part 2 of the Form J, you will need to provide detailed information about the current living arrangements. For example, how much time do the children spend time with you and with the other parent and/or other carers. If you are involved in a new relationship, you will also need to provide details of this new partner. As part of the current living arrangement explanation, you will also need to provide details as to the arrangements for the children when they are with you. For example, where do they sleep, do they share a room, and how long have these living arrangements been in place? During the children’s time with you, do the children communicate with the other parent and if so, how frequently and by what means of communication? How do you and the other parent deal with handovers and what are the logistics of these handovers of the children? Do the children communicate with extended family members when they are with you and if so, how frequently? Other questions that you will need to answer about the children’s arrangements is the type of extra-curricular activities the children are involved in and how often they attend these extra-curricular activities. What kind of support do you or tutors provide to the children regarding their school work? What kind of entertainment activities are your children involved in? Finally, in this section you will also need to detail how the children are cared for when you are working or when you have to attend to work commitments such as after-hours meetings/meals and/or travel abroad.

Part 3: Schooling
In Part 3 of the Form J, you will need to detail the children’s schooling arrangements including the name of the children’s school and their year at the school. You will also need to provide details about how your children travel to/from school, how long it takes to get to/from school and what the after-school care arrangements are for the children when they are with you. If there is special care required for your child due to special needs, this should be detailed in this section. This section is important because this is where you will need to detail your plans about how you have involved and plan to involve the other parent in the decisions related to the children’s schooling. For example, you will need to provide a plan as to how you and your co-parent will make decisions about school, choice of subjects and future career options. Will you and your co-parent agree on attending school functions together such as on parent days and sports days? You will also need to put forth the emergency contact for your children and who would be responsible as the point person should your child fall ill at school or there are emergency issues that need to be dealt with.

Part 4: Health
Part 4 of the Form J is related to your child’s health and medical problems. You will need to detail whether your child suffers from any health and medical problems and if any special care is required for your child. If your child suffers from any physical disability or requires special medication or therapy, this is where you will need to detail the issues and provide transparent information to the Court.

Part 5: Finances
In Part 5 of the Form J, finances become the focus of this section, as finances will be important for the care and future of your child. In Part 5, you will need to detail your income including any bonuses or commissions you may receive as part of your income. If you have received or are receiving government allowances, you will need to identify this source of incoming cash. If you are receiving maintenance from your ex-spouse, you will also need to detail what you have been receiving or are receiving.

Part 6: Future Parenting Arrangements
Part 6 of the Form J is an extremely important section. This is where you should detail what arrangements you would like to see for the children going forward and it is here you should detail what plans you have in place to bring this forward. In this section, you will detail the regular arrangements you propose for the children to spend time and communicate with the other parent including public holidays, school holidays, overnights and overseas trips. If the children are to live with the other parent instead of you, what proposals do you have for yourself in terms of communication and time with the children during public holidays, school holidays, overnights and overseas trips. You will also need to detail what proposals you have to assist the children in spending time and communicating with the other parent and other family members. This is an important section of the Form J because the Court will want to see how cooperative you are and if you are willing to be cooperative in the future. This is the time for you to show that you will do your utmost best to co-parent and be a willing participant in helping your children remain connected to the other parent. As the children’s support group not only includes parents and family members, the Court also wants to know how you will encourage the children to maintain friendships if a move is part of the proposal.

Part 7: Other Circumstances
Finally in Part 7 of the Form J, you will have the opportunity to detail any other circumstances which you believe are relevant to the arrangements of the children, including but not limited to mental/physical disability, mental/physical health and mental/physical abuse or violence. You can also detail any other relevant matters such as issues with a new partner or moving home. Your solicitor should assist you in detailing what is relevant and what necessary details should be provided or not.

Filling out a Form J can be overwhelming as you want to provide as much detail as possible, but you also do not want to overload the Court with too much unnecessary and historical information. It is therefore important that you speak with your solicitor to go through all the details of your case and consider what should or should not be included. Similar to a Form E, it is important to be reminded that you will need to sign this form under oath, thus your document must be truthful and should provide full and frank disclosure.

Spotlight Profile – Shanna Quinn, Barrister-at-Law, Mediator, Forensic Social Scientist and Parenting Co-Ordinator

In this spotlight profile, we are speaking to Shanna Quinn. Shanna is based in Brisbane, Australia but works cross-border in Hong Kong as a Barrister-at-Law, Mediator, Forensic Social Scientist and Parenting Co-Ordinator in Family Law.

Shanna’s experience in Family Law is extensive as she helps individuals resolve disputes and is a representative in court proceedings. Shanna has been involved in highly complex and sensitive cases in family law, ranging from relationships, child protection and domestic violence orders. Shanna also works closely with family law practitioners in Hong Kong, providing her insight and practical training.

Shanna, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today. Shanna, we spoke with you a few years ago when you wrote an article for Hong Kong Divorce as a special contributor regarding mediation. That was very helpful so we want to thank you so much for your contribution.

First off, can you tell us a little bit about your background and training?

I worked for many years as a forensic social scientist, preparing over 1,000 family law reports in contested parenting proceedings and child protection litigation. I think I have given expert opinion evidence in perhaps 100 trials. I was in my forties when I transitioned to law and now practice as a barrister, representing parties in financial and parenting trials as well as child protection and domestic violence proceedings. I have had a mediation practice since 1990 and established a mediation practice in Hong Kong in 1999, having initially come to Hong Kong to train lawyers to mediate when the Family Court introduced its Pilot Family Mediation Scheme. In about 2017 I trained as a parenting coordinator and provide that service both in Hong Kong and Australia. Currently I am in the process of kick-starting family report preparation in Hong Kong.

In addition to being a mediator, you are also a trained parenting co-ordinator. Can you tell us more about this role that you have as a parenting co-ordinator?

It’s very interesting and equally difficult. Sometimes I feel like a battering ramp. Parents who come to parenting co-ordinators (“PC”) are typically highly conflicted. Often they have not spoken for a very long time and have been gripped in the rigours of litigation. But when you start to see some real improvement in how the parents start to communicate with each other, start seeing them actually become respectful of each other and start developing some real insight into the needs of their children, it all seems to be worth the effort.

The short version is that PC is essentially about helping parents implement Court orders. After what can be years of litigation, the court pronounces judgement and parents are expected to go off and implement the orders. It is an extraordinarily difficult, and generally unrealistic, to expect that two highly conflicted people can all of a sudden get on with the business of co- parenting, in some way shape or form.

So, the PC’s role typically evolves around the roles of educator, problem-solver, coach and advisor.

I have noticed some differences in how PC is practiced in Hong Kong compared to how it is practiced in Australia. Some of these differences include issues to do with confidentiality and reportability, which includes the possibility of the PC’s giving evidence; the frequency of sessions; the contract period; access to third parties and access to material such as reports that were prepared during litigation, and school and medical reports and whether the PC should speak to the child. However, I think what is most important is that the PC and the parents are very clear about the role and functions of the process and together establish goals and boundaries.

It is relatively early days in the development of PC in Hong Kong and Australia. We need to keep vigilant as the process evolves to ensure that we keep relevant and responsive to our clients need.

As a parenting co-ordinator, what are the main issues and conflicts that you are seeing between co-parents?

I think one universal problem, in the first instance at least, is that the parents, having most often just emerged from the trenches of litigation, are always distrustful of each other, generally angry, bitter and hurt.

I used to make the mistake of embarking on an immediate path of educating the parents how to effectively communicate and problem solve. Not any more. While the PC is not there to provide therapy, I have found that it is crucial that in the early phases of the process, parents are given the opportunity to decompress. This can be tricky because if the PC does not hold the reigns firmly, parents can remain locked in the past and incapable of looking to the future. But I think to ignore their emotionality will be at a great cost.

To say that the parents need help communicating sounds quite trite. However that is exactly the help they need. I think the PC needs to be creative here. Monitoring all forms of communication, giving very specific instruction about what they can and cannot say to each other and even getting them to role play a conversation with me are common techniques I employ.

Another issue is helping them come to terms with the fact that they cannot operate unilaterally in terms of making decisions about the children. Some parents find this more challenging than others. There are reasons for this of course, but when an order is made that says parents have to now mutually agree, the prospect of all of a sudden having to confer with a parent, whom was historically an absent parent, becomes a real struggle.

I think associated with that issue, is helping a parent, who might now have the opportunity for greater involvement in their children’s lives, to be child focused. It is not about what the parent wants but what the child needs. This insight does not come easily and may require considerable work.

I suppose another common issue I find is parents undermining the children’s relationship with the other parent. While a common issue it is a complex dynamic and needs multi layered intervention.

What advice do you have for parents who are trying to co-parent amidst a divorce? What do you recommend for parents so that they can successfully navigate healthy parenting post-divorce?

Stay out of court. Be patient. Get support.

As a parental co-ordinator, do you ever interact with the children? If so, how do you help counsel children who are going through the difficulties of their parents’ divorce?

Some PCs would never speak to the children. Others would. Certainly a PC should never speak to a child unless they have experience in conducting clinical interviews with the children.

I will speak to the children, but it is a bit like mediation. Keep the children away from the process, wherever possible. If they are to be spoken to, then the reason must be clear and purposeful. Most importantly, the PC must have some measure of confidence that the children will not be at risk of their parents’ retribution for saying things that conflict with their parents’ views or wishes.

Speaking to a child would never be for the purpose of providing counselling. It would be for the purpose of assessment.

Is there anything else you would like to address before we say goodbye?

While PC is typically introduced post final orders and occasionally as part of an interim order, I think lawyers should also consider PC for their clients before legal proceedings are instituted, or, very early in the legal process. It is a hard road for parents to learn the art of co-parenting once they become embroiled in the quagmire of an adversarial process.

About Shanna Quinn, Barrister, Mediator and Parental Co-Ordinator

Shanna Quinn has built her career on helping individuals and families navigate disputes and conflict in a fair, equitable and conciliatory manner. Her practical approach to your situation, combined with her extensive experience as a Barrister, Mediator and Forensic Social Worker can add significant value to your case.

Shanna has been involved in highly complex and sensitive cases involving family breakdowns, relationship disputes, child protection and domestic violence orders. Shanna is able to quickly comprehend her clients’ needs, is adaptive and can deliver valuable, practical and prompt legal advice, mediation and training.

Co-Parenting After Summer Holidays and Returning to the New School Term

After an enjoyable summer holiday and returning to the new school term, now may be an opportune time to review your child custody arrangement and ensure that everything is in order ahead of the new school term.

Here are a few things to consider as you and your co-parent begin to navigate the children’s new school term.

Review Your Agreement/Orders: After your holidays and before the new school term, you and your co-parent should sit down and review the custody arrangement for the upcoming year and ensure that you are both on the same page. This is an opportune time to check your calendars and make sure that things are aligned with the school term calendar and that there is no misunderstanding about the holidays/breaks and any other special occasions that will require child sharing between you and your co-parent. By doing this, you avoid any potential future arguments you and your co-parent may have before a big holiday and/or before a special event. This initial step ensures that you and your co-parent are in communication and things are running smoothly throughout the entire co-parenting journey.
Communicate with your Co-Parent: We like to always repeat this step because it is the foundation of any good co-parenting relationship. This is the time when your emotions should be put aside and the focus should remain on the children and their best interests. Thus, the key is to communicate effectively and with as much respect as possible. Respectful communication does not include controlling, manipulative, aggressive behaviour displayed through verbal communication, text messages and/or email communication. Careful consideration should be given to your tone and how you speak to one another as well. The goal for both co-parents is to raise a happy, healthy child and this should be the main focus when communicating with each other.
Respect Each Other’s Parenting Style and Rules: Whilst you and your co-parent may not always agree on parenting style or house rules, it is important that you respect each other’s differences. It is during these moments of key differences that you and your co-parent need to sit down and discuss how you want to raise your children and how you can both reconcile the differences you may have in your parenting styles and in the rules that you both may have at each of your homes. You cannot expect your co-parent to enforce the rules you keep at your home but you can sit down and speak with each other about what you can and can’t come to an agreement on when it comes to more important and key issues. For example, you and your co-parent may not agree on screen-time that is allowed in the home. Whilst you cannot force your co-parent to enforce your own rules, you can try to come to an agreement that is agreeable to both. However, there will be many times where you simply have to let go of your own rules and respect that your co-parent may have his/her own rules that you do not agree with. In some circumstances such as the example above, you may simply have to respect the difference, let go and move on.
Get Organized: On a more practical level, you and your co-parent may consider scheduling regular “parenting dates” with each other to discuss anything and everything related to the children. This will encourage ongoing communication with one another and allow both parents to remain on the same page when it comes to the children. With that being said, it is important that both parents are organized so that both households run smoothly for the children and one tool that may be useful is a shared online calendar. This can keep track of everything related to the children including important dates, after-school activities, medical appointments, homework projects and more. This can also help minimize face-to-face or telephone discussions with a co-parent in those co-parenting situations where verbal communication is limited or difficult.

It is important to know that regardless of where you are in your divorce process, the transition is a difficult one and co-parenting is one aspect of a divorce which is a learning process. It is a skill that you and your co-parent can work on and learn about as time goes on and through shared experiences. If you have serious difficulties with your co-parenting arrangement, speak to your solicitor or a qualified health professional who can assist in the process either by providing their expertise or providing you with the resources you need.

Parental Alienation and Narcissistic Abuse in Divorce

In litigious divorce cases, one of the issues co-parents may have to deal with is parental alienation. Parental alienation occurs when one parent manipulates a child such that the child refuses to have a relationship with the other parent and as a result, hostilities abound. Many times, parental alienation is tied to narcissistic behaviour. An individual with narcissistic traits will thrive on the use of control and manipulation in order to retain what he/she deems as the “perfect image.” Parental alienation, whilst may be satisfying to the alienating parent, will have devastating effects on a child and the alienated/loving parent and is never in the best interests of the child.

Here are a few things to consider and look out for if you are involved in a divorce with a narcissist and dealing with parental alienation:

Look for Potential Warning Signs of Parental Alienation:
Each and every situation look different and your warning signs will be specific to you. However, here are a few of the more common signs to look out for: the alienating parent will vilify the loving parent; vilification of the loving parent may then extend to his/her extended family and friends; the alienating parent will employ guilt trips upon the child in order to obtain a desired result; the alienating parent’s projected feelings about the loving parent may be highlighted in the child’s own opinion. These warning signs can be displayed in certain behaviour such as the following examples: The alienating parent will refuse to respect the loving parent’s time with the child; the alienating parent will tell the child about adult issues including that the loving parent does not love or care about the child; the alienating parent will guilt trip the child by acting hurt if the child is nice to the other parent; the alienating parent rewards the child for talking badly about the other parent. Ultimately, at the core of parental alienation is that the child is left in the middle feeling as if he/she has to choose between one parent over the other. A healthy message that should normally be relayed to a child is that he/she does not have to choose between either parent and that both parents, despite being divorced, love the child and want what is best for him/her. This idea of healthy parenting is not a concept that a narcissistic abusive co-parent can understand.
Be Aware of the Risks:
The main risk of parental alienation is that it will cause destruction in the relationship between the child and the loving parent, despite the fact that it is the alienating parent who is causing the divide between what once was a healthy relationship. Many times, a relationship between a child and loving parent is irreparably destroyed due to parental alienation caused by the narcissistic parent. What results is either a toxic/resentful relationship between the child and loving parent, or in the worst-case scenario, no relationship will be in existence between the loving parent and the child. This ultimately is the goal of a narcissistic parent who aims to destroy the relationship between the loving parent and the child. This then allows the narcissistic parent to have full control of the child and full control over the loving parent. It is therefore important to be aware of the warning signs of narcissistic parental alienation before it gets to the point where no relationship exists between the loving parent and the child.
Do Not Compete:
If you are up against a narcissistic parent who is indulging in a parental alienation campaign, it is important that you do not try and compete with this individual and his/her behaviour. Instead, it is important to focus on your own parenting styleyou’re your own relationship with the child that is focused on healthy values. Whilst a narcissistic parent may try and bribe a child with gifts and excess, it is important to instead focus on parenting your child with love, empathy, stability, truth, presence and a peaceful environment. Long-term, this will prevail once a child is old enough to comprehend the full picture of what has been occurring.
Ask for Help:
Dealing with a narcissistic abusive co-parent is not an easy task and should not be handled alone. You should be asking for help from third-parties such as family and friends who can maybe intervene and assist in the peaceful communication between you and your co-parent. You may also need to speak with a therapist to learn how to deal with a narcissistic abusive co-parent and develop your skills on how to communicate with him/her and with your child. In very difficult cases, you may also need to seek solicitor advice as your solicitor may be able to assist in finding a solution for your situation.
Take Care Of Yourself:
Finally, it is important that you take care of yourself when dealing with a narcissist in your co-parenting journey. It is a difficult task to deal with someone who may be manipulating and attempting to control you and your child. It is important that you take time for yourself, whether it is talking it out with a therapist or spending time with family and friends, enjoying the hobbies that make you happy and strengthening yourself so that you are able to create boundaries with your co-parent and learn to be mentally strong despite the circumstances.

If your co-parent escalates his/her narcissistic behavour to physical abuse, this is when you will need to seek professional assistance and report any abuse to the authorities. Speak to someone who can support you in safely reporting any abuse to authorities and ensure that you and your child are not in danger. This is also the time to speak with your solicitor so he/she can assist with legal action in protecting you and your child against an abusive spouse.

Co-Parenting Checklist for the Summer Holiday

In our last article, we discussed the importance of peaceful co-parenting and being prepared when planning your summer holidays with the children. In this article, we will continue on with our discussion by providing you with a short key checklist of things to keep in mind ahead of the children’s summer holidays:

Co-Parenting Summer Holiday Checklist:
1. Review co-parenting agreement/order(s) prior to planning your summer holiday with the children.
2. Plan a meeting/telephone call with your co-parent to discuss holiday plans and ensure both of you are on the same page about the upcoming summer holidays.
3. Plan your holidays with the children accordingly and obtain necessary paperwork/documents including but not limited to passports, birth certificates (if necessary) and Deed of Parenting (if necessary), Covid vaccination and vaccination records.
4. Provide a detailed summary of travel plans to your co-parent after tickets and plans are purchased and solidified.
5. Provide to your co-parent the emergency contact details for the children when traveling for the summer holidays.
6. Discuss any financial considerations with your co-parent about the children’s holiday travel plans and activities.
7. Enjoy your holidays with the children!
Questions to Ask Your Solicitor Prior to the Holidays:
1. After reviewing the children’s holiday agreement/orders and there is any confusion, ask for clarification from your solicitor so you are not misinterpreting or misreading the agreement/orders.
2. If there are disagreements about the summer holidays, ask your solicitor what can be done to assist in the process.
3. If an application must be made to the court, ask your solicitor detailed questions about the application including how long it will take to obtain a court order and if there is anything that can be done to expedite the process and what the costs are.
4. Ask your solicitor if you need to bring additional documents with you when traveling with the children other than a passport such as a birth certificate and/or Deed of Parenting.
5. If you have a history of issues with your co-parent, ask your solicitor if there are any safeguards or steps you can take in advance to avoid issues/conflict during the holidays with the children.

The above is a handy checklist of the things you should review and prepare in advance of the summer holidays. It is always better to be overprepared when it comes to the children’s holidays. The last thing you want is to have any issues or conflict during your holidays with the children or even worse, not being able to travel with the children for the holidays because of a disagreement with your co-parent over the summer holidays. Speak to your solicitor when in doubt!

What Is A Form J And Why Is It Important?

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Subscribe to Our Newsletter