Preparing for the Summer Holidays with your Co-Parent

Home

Category Archives: Children Arrangements

Preparing for the Summer Holidays with your Co-Parent

It is never too early to begin your preparation for the summer holidays.  This is especially true if you and your co-parent have difficulties agreeing on the logistics of the summer holidays. If you and your spouse are/were involved in a high conflict custody case or have a history of difficulties when making decisions about the children, preparedness is key ahead of the summer holidays.

Here are some tips on how to prepare and make seamless transition into your sunny summer holidays with ease and peace!:

  1. Review Your Agreement/Orders: Before you buy your tickets and make plans for the summer holidays, it is always a good idea to review your agreement with your ex-spouse and any orders that the Family Court may have issued with respect to child custody arrangements and the holidays. It is important to review your agreement/orders so that you are in compliance with the custody arrangements for the summer holidays.  As a safeguard, it may also be a good idea to speak to your co-parent about your plans so that you are on the same page about the children’s holiday schedule and there is no room for miscommunication or misunderstandings.  Another way to safeguard any issues with your co-parent is to also plan in advance and accordingly so that if there are issues with cancellation or delayed flights, then you have sufficient time to bring the children back home in time for your co-parent’s holiday plans with the children and/or the start of school.
  2. Communicate with your Co-Parent: As mentioned above, communication with your co-parent is key to avoid any miscommunication or misunderstanding when it comes to the children’s holiday schedule.  If you are or were involved in a litigious divorce and it is difficult to communicate with your co-parent, then speak to your solicitor about communicating your travel plans with your co-parent well in advance of your travel plans.  The last thing you or your co-parent want to deal with ahead of the holidays is disagreement and argument over the children’s holiday plans and/or during the holidays as this will only ruin your time with the children and your children will sense the tension.  You can avoid such disagreements and arguments by speaking directly with your co-parent about your plans with the children and ensure your co-parent is fully aware of the plans before any tickets are purchased.
  3. Provide Adequate Details About The Children’s Holidays: If you and your co-parent are on good terms, this will not be a difficult task.  However, if you and your co-parent are having difficulties in communication and/or do not speak on a regular basis, it may be a difficult ask to provide transparency with respect to the children’s holidays.  Many times, litigious co-parents do not want the other parent to know about the details of their holidays and do not feel the other parent is privy to these details.  Whilst this is understandable in certain situations, it is important to remember that this is not about you.  This is about the children.  It is important for your co-parent to be made aware of the details of the children’s travel plans.  This includes a detailed itinerary of travel such as the date of travel to/from their home and if there are additional travel plans within the trip.  Other details you should provide to your co-parent is the contact details of the children during the trip and any other relevant details that may be important.  For example, if your child is traveling with you and has additional travel plans within your trip to travel with family friends, this is something that should be disclosed to the other parent.  The other parent is entitled to know where the children are during the holidays and how to reach them.  It is also important to allow your children to be able to communicate with your co-parent even during the holidays.  If your agreement/orders allow for your co-parent to have telephone/FaceTime with your children, you should ensure that the agreement/orders are followed even during the holidays.
  4. Ensure Finances Are In Order For The Holidays: It is also important that before you embark on your journey, that your finances are well in order with respect to the children.  For example, if your co-parent is required to provide extra monies for the children’s holidays, be sure to communicate this with your co-parent so that you are both on the same page about the activities and adventures the children will be participating in on the holiday.  It is important to ensure that the shared costs for the holidays are shared indeed.   Any disagreement about costs related to the children’s holiday plans can easily be resolved with direct communication with your co-parent.

If there are disagreements about the children’s holidays and there is no way to handle the disagreement, this is the time when you will need to speak to a solicitor.  If you and your spouse are in disagreement over the agreement/orders regarding the children’s holidays, you may require court intervention. If court intervention is required, it is important to recognize that it will take a considerable amount of time before you can be heard before a judge and before a decision is made. It is for this reason that you should prepare well in advance of the children’s holidays to ensure that you and your co-parent are in agreement with the children’s plans. If there is no agreement, then at least there will be sufficient time to mediate or seek court intervention before the holidays approach.

 

Spotlight Profile – Man B.W. CHUNG, Marriage Counselor, Parenting Coordinator and Accredited Family Mediation Supervisor

In this spotlight profile, we are speaking to Man B.W. Chung, a marriage counselor, parenting coordinator and accredited family mediation supervisor in a NGO in Hong Kong.  In her capacity of playing the role, Ms. Chung handles over 40 mediation cases and 20 child-intervention cases in a year.

Ms. Chung, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today. 

Thank you for inviting me.

Can you tell us a little bit about your background and training?

I am a social worker and I have been working with youngsters since I was graduated.  I have furthered my study in the area of Family Mediation and Family Therapy and have worked in the area of divorce in recent years.  I am practicing the Therapeutic Family Mediation Approach and making use of Child-inclusive Mediation Model in conducting family works in restoring family functioning whilst they are in turmoil of the marriage.

Let’s first dive into your work as a marriage counselor.  What are some of the central themes/issues that you are seeing in couples after three (3) very difficult years of living with the Covid-19 pandemic?

I could respond with the word “challenging” to describe the post-pandemic era.  We all know that the lockdown situation posed high pressure to people in Hong Kong, which then aroused conflict within family members.  Along with the waves of emigration after these social incidents, some couples have had trouble possessing similar points of view or expectation towards their future.  As a result, I have come across divorce cases where there is fierce conflict or talks about “leave or stay” as well as the relocation of children.  We can foresee that the divorce rate could break the record high this year.

What practical advice do you see yourself giving to couples who are going through marriage difficulties right now? What can they do re-ignite the love and passion in their marriage and get through difficulties?

It is understandable that couples facing difficulties would tend to quit as they are usually on the verge of emotional outburst or being disconnected in their relationship.  In my daily practice, couples usually see marriage with a myth that divorce could end every problematic situation.  I could respond to them that, divorce brings another set of problems for us to face.  The accountable solutions may be resolving the problem or enhancing problem solving skills instead.

Couples have their own past history that they cherish and their yearning of attachment to each other.  In other words, they have their own positive communication channel inside.  Our responsibility is to remove the communication blockages between them by encouraging them listen to each other, try to feel others’ emotion inside and allow them to share their own vulnerability.  Sometimes, they only need others’ understanding and acknowledgment.

I always suggest couples seek professional assistance as early as they can, before the relationship becomes frozen or there is too much hatred aroused.

What is the difference between your work as a marriage counselor and as a family mediator?

A marriage counselor would aim at reconciliation in a couples’ relationship and a family mediator would aim at resolving disputes while the couple decided to divorce.   It seems that the two services are working towards two directions but our service delivery is at the cross-section of the two domains.  We could see, firstly, that the divorce decision is a dynamic that could potentially be reversed upon intervention with mediation or counseling.  Secondly, the practice of Therapeutic Family Mediation is also an aim at rebuilding couples’ relationship to a reasonable level that facilitates a communicable co-parenting environment for the growth of children.   Therefore, a family mediator bearing two sets of techniques may benefit families in overcoming their difficulties with different direction.

When is family mediation necessary? What role does family mediation play?

The family mediation plays a role of dispute resolution within the divorce procedure.  Couples may need to seek assistance  from the start of their communication of plans to separate.  I would also suggest couples to approach counselors or family therapists as soon as the idea of divorce arises.

In divorce, a parenting coordinator can be helpful and sometimes extremely necessary.  Can you please explain the role you play as a parenting coordinator?

Parenting coordination is challenging as there are usually a lot of hurts and conflicts between spouses in their divorce.  Most of the time, their conflicts involve parenting.  Hurts also trigger hatreds that affect their decision making.  In my opinion, a minimal intervention to relationship recovery for the divorced couple may help while their relationship could return to a co-operative level that facilitates rational co-parenting, as I’ve stated above.  Frankly speaking, if parents could communicate, we have no need to do too much in terms of parenting coordination.  While we are playing the role as a parenting coordinator, we sit in between spouses and take a neutral stance with passionate understanding to each party’s needs.

What are the pros and cons of having a parenting coordinator during and post-divorce?

Of course, if co-parenting does not function in some families, immediate intervention is significant for maintaining the daily lives of children.  It is the ultimate goal of all our practitioners, to try to lower the negative effect divorce may have on the growth and daily lives of children.  Furthermore, to set up a workable co-parenting plan that fit to family needs may sometimes alter weak points or blind spots that the current working plan would overlook.  Therefore, the role of parenting coordinators must be done by psychologically trained practitioners.  We can especially focus on the specific psychological needs of children in parental divorce and can be more caring to children who have a variety of special needs.

What advice do you have for parents who are trying to co-parent amidst a divorce?  What do you recommend for parents so that they can successfully navigate healthy parenting post-divorce?

First of all, I would suggest that each individual have a brave face in the midst of divorce, whilst at the same time seeking the necessary assistance from professionals.  As I have mentioned, divorce brings your family another set of difficulties to be solved.  The most crucial but difficult one should be the long-term arrangement to facilitate the healthy growth of the children.   Secondly, seek help as early as you can, not only in the midst of a divorce but also within your marriage before you make any decision on it.   Lastly, I would like to tell all the parents in representing our children, that their needs must be nurtured for their future.  Do not give up communication with your ex-spouse to make a desirable co-parenting plan and to co-create their future.

What advice do you give children who are struggling with the divorce of their parents?  What practical exercises can they do to alleviate the anxiety and worry they may feel given such difficult circumstances?

In my past experiences in assisting elder children or teenagers, it is heartbreaking that divorce truly poses a negative effect on children despite their parents’ attempts at avoiding it.  To reduce the effects, I would suggest to children that first of all, try to avoid being involved in important decision making.  It protects the children from the anxieties induced by biased information and the loyalty split between each parent.  Try to suggest to  their parents to communicate directly and tell them the same decision they have made.  Another reminder for children is that they should not immerse themselves too much in the emotions of one or both of the parents.  Children cannot become their counselor and children should be free to tell their parents that they instead find a professional to assist.   We can suggest they concentrate on achieving their developmental tasks, such as learning, making friends, searching for their own identity and enhancing self-esteem, as well as developing their own future that do not let parental divorce become their developmental load.

 

About Man B.W. Chung

Ms. Man Chung is a registered social worker and a Family Therapist.  She is especially interested in integrating micro-counselling skills in the mediation process to promote client’s co-parenting abilities while practicing the Therapeutic Mediation Approach.  Being trained to be a Child-inclusive Mediator, Man also put her efforts in helping families with teenage children by using CIM’s child assessment techniques on reflecting children’s needs and emotions for facilitating parent’s agreement accomplishment.

Ms. Chung graduated with a Masters of Arts in Family-centered Practice and Family Therapy at the Hong Kong Polytechnic University and also has a Master of Social Science in Social Work in Family from The University of Hong Kong.   She attained her accreditation as a Clinical Fellow in American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist and she is an accredited Family Mediation Supervisor in Hong Kong Mediation Accreditation Association Limited.

Contact of Man B.W. Chung

manbwchung@gmail.com

 

5 Important Things to Do Before You File for Divorce

When a couple decides to divorce, it is usually never a spontaneous decision but rather a long evolving process that has culminated to this point over a period of time. It is important that during this process, you are prepared should you and your spouse decide to file for divorce.  There are many things you can do to prepare for divorce and in this article, we will provide you with some useful tips on what to consider ahead of a divorce:

  1. Thoughtfully Consider Whether Divorce Is Right For You: Before you jump into a decision to divorce, it is important that you thoughtfully consider whether divorce is the right option for you. Many couples for example, choose separation over divorce especially if there are health insurance or religious reasons to consider.  Divorce is a life-changing decision and it should not be made spontaneously but considered over a period of time after you have had an opportunity to consider what divorce would mean for you and your children.  During this time, you may want to speak to a therapist or even try couples counseling in an attempt to either solidify your decision to divorce or reconsider divorce.
  2. Have Thorough Discussions With Your Spouse (and Children) and Your Solicitor: Before you divorce, you may want to have a series of discussions with your spouse about whether divorce is the right decision for you as a couple and for the family.  In your discussions, you may want to discuss whether divorce is the right option for you as a couple and if you do divorce, how would that look.  For example, in your discussions with your spouse, you could talk about how you want to divide finances or how to split care and control of the children.  Generally speaking, if you have mature and reasoned discussions with your spouse prior to the filing of a divorce Petition, there is more possibility that your divorce will not be litigious since you and your spouse have discussed the divorce beforehand. If you surprise your spouse with divorce papers, there may be shock and feelings of betrayal involved which may not bode well going forward in the divorce. Additionally, you may want to schedule an initial meeting with a solicitor to discuss divorce and what it would mean for you to file for divorce and discuss your legal rights and any concerns/questions you may have related to a divorce.  The solicitor will be able to guide you as to the timing of your divorce petition and the things to consider when filing for your divorce petition. This initial information-gathering meeting is important so that you are prepared for what’s to come.
  3. Gather All Necessary Information/Documents For Your Divorce: If you have decided to divorce, you will want to start organizing your life.  For example, this is now the time to gather all the necessary information/documentation related to your finances so that you are aware of your financial health.  You will need to disclose this information to your solicitor who will then prepare all the necessary financial disclosure documents for the Court.  If you do not have this information, it will be harder for your solicitor to prepare the financial disclosure documents that are necessary in your divorce.  It is also not beneficial for you to be in the dark about your finances as you will need to prepare your life post-divorce and this includes being financially independent.  In the event that you are filing a non-molestation order against your spouse, this is also the time to gather all the necessary documents and photos to support your allegations against your spouse.  If you have children, it will be important to collect all the information/documentation related to their daily schedule and any other pertinent information you believe is necessary related to care and control.
  4. Consider Your Wishes For The Divorce Regarding Finances and Children: After you have spoken to your spouse and had the initial information-gathering meeting with your solicitor, this may now be the time for you to consider what you want from the divorce.  How do you want to move forward with the divorce? Do you want to attempt mediation first? Do you and your spouse already have an agreement in place prior to a divorce? Have you reviewed your finances to consider how much maintenance (if you are entitled to it) you will need to pay for your day-to-day needs and the needs of the children? How much time do you want with the children and/or how much time will you agree to your spouse having with the children? These are a few of the important questions to ponder upon and discuss with your solicitor.
  5. Make Necessary Plans For Your Life Post-Divorce: Another aspect you should thoughtfully consider is how you want your life to look post-divorce.  Do you plan to remain living in Hong Kong or do you want to relocate to another city/country? Will you propose to take the children with you? How much money will you need to sustain your lifestyle each month? Will you need to work or switch jobs? This is your time to brainstorm how you want to plan your life once you are divorced and to start making all the necessary plans to reach those goals.  Your solicitor can assist you with this process and provide you with guidance on how you can reach your goals. You may also consider retaining a financial planner to help you with your finances and budget accordingly.

With all the tips above, the key component is open communication with both your spouse and solicitor and also knowing what you want both in a divorce and thereafter.  Whilst it may be difficult, divorce should be viewed almost like a business transaction as you and your spouse are each now negotiating the best deal for oneself.  It may be easy for emotions to get involved, but the less emotion involved, the easier the process will be.  Speak to your solicitor who can help you through this challenging journey.

Impact Of Divorce On Your Children

Children are resilient and it is true that in divorce, your child will adjust to the new normal that is established between you and your co-parent.  It is important however, to remember that even if your child is adjusting well to a divorce, there are things you can do as a parent to help them adjust to the changes in a more seamless and healthy way.  Here are some tips to consider to help ease the adjustment for your children in a divorce:

  1. Do Not Involve The Children In The Divorce Process: One way to help your children adjust to the divorce is not to involve them in the divorce process.  Many times, parents involve their children in a divorce by divulging details about the legal proceedings and the emotional difficulties the parent is facing in the divorce.  It is important not to involve your children in the divorce because when you do involve them, it will cloud the way they see the other parent and this is not healthy for their relationship with the other parent.  This could also be used as ammunition against you in legal proceedings and be classified as parental alienation.  Rather than focus on the litigation fight, focus instead on the bigger picture.  You and your ex-spouse will have to co-parent with one another for the rest of your lives.  You will both want to be at your child’s wedding and will want to have an ongoing relationship with them forever.  It is better to be at peace with your ex-spouse in the co-parenting journey rather than fight with one another and be embroiled in drama that is unnecessary and unhealthy for all individuals involved.   Importantly, children are too young to understand the legal complexities of divorce. It is already difficult for adults to understand the legal issues in a divorce so imagine how hard it must be for children to understand it.  If you want emotional support, rather than turn to the children, reach out instead to other family members or trusted friends to provide the support you need.
  2. Promote and Facilitate Open Communication: As a co-parent it is imperative that you facilitate and encourage open communication. This includes open communication between the co-parent and the children,  but it is also helpful if as co-parents, you are able to openly communicate with each other in cordial and friendly way.  The way in which you communicate with one another will have a great impact on the way your children will view you and how they deal with their own relationships in the future.  If you are involved in a litigious divorce and open communication is difficult, you do not have to apologize for the fact that communication is impossible with the co-parent. However, you can still encourage open communication and relationship between the co-parent and the children.  Regardless of what you are feeling and the intense emotions you may have for the other parent, it should not impact the love and relationship you encourage between the children and the other parent.  You want your child to have a good relationship with the other parent as it will impact their development.  Having a strained or non-existent relationship with a parent will only have dire effects on a child and their future relationships going forward.
  3. Consider Spending Time Together As A Family: This is a controversial tip however a good one to consider. It may be difficult, and almost impossible in some broken families to continue to spend time together as a family unit after a divorce, but it can be done.  When it is done in a healthy way, the outcome can be beautiful and wonderful healthy relationships can be forged on the basis that even though “mommy and daddy” have divorced, there is still friendship.  By establishing a friendship post-divorce with your ex-spouse, you are demonstrating to the children that the family is available to support him/her and that the family love is not lost.  It may take time to achieve a healthy and peaceful dynamic but it is worth considering reaching for this post-divorce family goal!

Do not be shy about speaking with your solicitor on his/her tips on how to forge a healthy family dynamic post-divorce. Your divorce solicitor is not only there to provide you with legal advice but he/she can also provide you with tips on how to have a healthy divorce rather than a litigious divorce. If your divorce solicitor only encourages litigation and division among the family, you may want to consider another divorce solicitor, one who is more focused on helping you achieve a healthy dynamic post-divorce.

Considerations for Child Arrangements Ahead Of The Holidays

The holidays are fast approaching and for many, holiday plans have already been organized and tickets purchased to travel outside of Hong Kong.  Hong Kong quarantine restrictions have loosened to the point that many individuals have taken this opportunity to fly out of Hong Kong after almost 3 years of heavy travel restrictions and hotel quarantine.

In addition to booking tickets and accommodation for the upcoming holidays, it is important that you also consider children’s arrangements if you are involved in a divorce and have to share custody/visitation of the children.

In preparation for the upcoming holiday season, here are some things to consider and discuss with your solicitor before you take the flight out of Hong Kong:

  1. Clarify and Confirm Children’s Arrangements Ahead Of The Holidays: To avoid conflict with your spouse over the holidays, make sure that you are aware of the dates you are entitled to have the children during the holidays.  Respect that your spouse is also entitled to have time with the children and ensure that any holiday bookings are within the timeframes allocated to you and does not encroach upon your spouse’s time with the children.  To avoid conflict, it is a good idea to revisit your holiday custody plan and ensure that you and your spouse have discussed the holiday plans so that you are both on the same page and have both booked your holidays that respect each other’s time with your children. If there is conflict over timeshare during the holidays, it is best to resolve it before you fly out of Hong Kong rather than having to deal with a custody/visitation dispute whilst traveling and having it ruin you and more importantly your children’s holiday plans.
  2. Provide Emergency Contact Details: Ahead of any holiday, it is imperative that you keep your spouse up-to-date on the children’s holiday plans.  This includes providing emergency contact information and also a detailed itinerary of the children’s whereabouts during their travel, namely flight and other travel details.  Your spouse is entitled to this information because as a parent he/she should always have access to the children and should be made aware of where the children will be staying and with whom.  It is important that you do not make it difficult for your spouse by refusing to provide such important information about the children and their well-being during their travels. With that being said, it is important that when you are on holidays with the children, you allow the children to maintain contact with the other parent.  Being on holidays is not a free pass for you not to stick with a “virtual” visitation schedule and you should do everything you can to facilitate communication between the children and the other parent even on holidays.
  3. Ensure You Have Important Documents On Hand Before Travel: Before you travel with the children, it is important that you have all the necessary travel documentation to make your journey seamless.  This includes up-to-date vaccination records especially with the ongoing Covid-19 virus and the related changing rules amongst various countries.  You also might want to also take the time to speak directly with your solicitor as to whether you will need a Deed of Parenting ahead of travel.  For example, if you and your children have a different last name and the parent with the same last name as the children is not traveling with you, immigration officials at various checkpoints might ask tough questions to ensure that the children are in fact your children.  A Deed of Parenting will assist in avoiding such questions at border control and can easily be drafted by your solicitor prior to you leaving Hong Kong with the children.

If you have any concerns about taking the children on holiday and have concerns about potential issues with your spouse whilst on holiday, it is best to speak with your solicitor and iron out the details and any conflict before you leave Hong Kong.  It will be more difficult to iron out details about the holidays when you’re already on holidays with the children.  It is more trouble to have to deal with conflict with your spouse and having to communicate back and forth with your solicitors in Hong Kong when you should be having fun with the children and enjoying your time away from home.

Copyright © 2026 Hong Kong Divorce