Questions to Ask Your Solicitor

Category Archives: Children Arrangements

Questions to Ask Your Solicitor

Many families are back in Hong Kong after a long, extended summer away and the focus is now on settling back into a routine with your family and children.  For some, now that the chaos and fun of summer is over, it is the opportune time to regroup and sit down with your significant other to talk about the hard topics that may have been swept under the rug for the sake of summer fun.  It is during this new season that many couples have considered speaking with a solicitor to get their queries answered about separation, divorce, custody and all the other important topics related to a split.

Before any major decisions are made about a divorce, it is important that individuals educate themselves about the separation and/or divorce process in Hong Kong and education includes spending a good 30 minutes to an hour with a solicitor specializing in divorce to answer all the questions you may have about what a divorce could mean for you and your family.

In this article, we will list out all the questions you should take with you and ask your solicitor in your initial consultation so you have a handy checklist on what information you need to make an informed decision about your divorce.

  1. List of Questions To Ask Your Divorce Solicitor In The Initial Consultation: Here is a list of questions to ask your divorce solicitor in an initial consultation. Please be minded that you may want to add to this list of questions based on your personal circumstances.
  • What is your experience in family law? Can you tell me a little bit about yourself and your experience handling these types of matters?
  • What is the difference between a separation and a divorce in Hong Kong?
  • Who is likely to obtain custody/care of the children? Do the Courts in Hong Kong give preferential treatment to mothers?
  • If I receive primary care of the children, will my partner still have the ability to make joint decisions on issues like religion, schooling and healthcare?
  • I want to move away from Hong Kong with the children, what process do I need to go through in order to obtain this?
  • How will the Courts in Hong Kong determine the division of assets and debts? Is it 50/50?
  • How will the Courts in Hong Kong determine alimony and child support?
  • Instead of going through the Court process, are there other alternative methods to resolve the outstanding issues with my spouse? For example, is mediation or collaborative divorce an option in Hong Kong?
  • If I go through the divorce, can I speak directly to my spouse and negotiate with my partner on my own?
  • How much will you charge me for a divorce? What about extra fees?
  • What do you anticipate/estimate my fees will be to finalize the divorce?
  • Will you be handling my case or do you have a team/associate assisting as well? How much do you charge per hour?
  • If this becomes a litigated case, do I need to also hire a barrister?
  • Can we ask that my spouse pay for or contribute to my legal fees?
  • Based on the information provided, what would be your suggested strategy for my case?
  • How long do you think it will take to resolve my case on the divorce, children and finances?
  1. List of Questions To Ask Your Divorce Solicitor During The Proceedings:  is important that during the divorce process, that you are fully informed of your case and the progress being made.  Questions that you pose to your divorce solicitor will vary depending on your own unique circumstances.  Here is a list of questions you may want to ask throughout the proceedings so that you are on top of your case and fully informed of its progress.
  • Can we review the progress of my case to date and discuss the strategy going forward?
  • How much longer do you think it will take to conclude my case?
  • How much have I paid in costs thus far? Can you provide an estimate of how much it will cost further, to conclude my case?
  • Is there anything you can do to move this case forward faster?
  • I am not happy with the result/progress of my case, is there anything we can do?
  • Do you think it is time to send out a settlement offer?
  • I have moved on and want to remarry, can I do that even though my divorce is not yet concluded?
  • My financial situation has changed since the commencement of my case. How can alimony be adjusted due to the change in circumstances?
  • Now that my children are older, I want to spend more time with them and they want to spend more time with me. Can I adjust custody/timeshare now that they are older?

You are now armed with important and key questions to assist you in the process of your divorce with your solicitor.  Each case is different so you will have your own specific questions unique to your own circumstances. Your solicitor should always be available and willing to answer any and all questions you may have.  If there is a lack of communication between you and your solicitor, this should be considered a concern as you should always be aware of the progress of your case and the direction it is headed.  If there is a breakdown of communication with your solicitor, it may be time to have a difficult conversation with your solicitor or move on with another solicitor to support you on your journey.

Children’s Views in Divorce and Their Mental Health

As part of our series on mental health, we have discussed with several mental health professionals the key to assisting children through divorce and the “new normal” that a child will face in divorce.

One of the key factors in helping to ease the pain a child may go through in divorce as expressed by several mental health professionals in Hong Kong is to create an open environment for a child to communicate with their parents without the fear of reprimand or shame.

In a divorce, a child may have a lot of questions about what is to come and the uncertainty can sometimes be more frightening then the reality itself.

Here are some tips on how to ease the burden of divorce upon your child and some of the key questions your child may have throughout the daunting process:

Will A Child Have A Voice In Divorce?:  One of the key questions a child may have in the divorce process is whether his/her wishes and desires will be considered in the decision-making process or whether the child will simply have to follow along with what the parents and the courts decide for his/her life. Whilst it is appropriate for a young child to have the parents make the necessary decisions in their best interests, an older child may be allowed to voice their wishes and desires in the Family Court proceedings. In Hong Kong, the Family Courts will appoint a Social Welfare Officer to assist in the decision-making process of the Judge to determine what is in a child’s best interest. This is done through various in-depth interviews with the child and in some cases, by having psychological reports conducted. Generally speaking, it is always an ideal situation if the parents can agree on the best interests of the child rather than having Court-appointed strangers make the decision for them. Thus, this brings in the importance of having healthy co-parenting relationships in order to make compromised and healthy decisions for the children of the family. Many times, having open communication with your child will assist in the decision-making process of the parents because the child’s wishes are respected and taken into consideration.

Parental Disputes Should Not Be Resolved Through A Child: Many times, children are caught in the middle of parental disputes especially when the parents cannot get along and are fighting a legal battle in the Family Court. The worst thing parents can do is drag the child into the litigation. Many times, this is done by the parents discussing the divorce with the child, asking for emotional support from the child about the divorce and bad-mouthing the other parent so as to alienate the child from the other parent. It is important for a child to understand that the divorce is an adult issue to be discussed and resolved between the two parents. It is not for children to become involved in the divorce or be used as pawns in the negotiation process of the divorce. Children should not be seen or used as messengers and thus, any necessary communication should be between the parents and not through the child. Whilst it may be tempting to use a child as a weapon in a divorce, it is important for parents to do their best to refrain from such behaviour and instead find that support from other adults it be solicitors, barristers, friends or other family members. Children are not designed to handle the burdens of a divorce and such trauma could result in disruptive behaviours, anxiety and other psychological issues.

Healthy Co-Parenting Means Healthy Children: Having a healthy co-parenting relationship provides a child with an example of how broken families can still function in a respectful, friendly and loving way. Healthy co-parenting means respectful language is used when communicating with the other parent, refusing to bad-mouth the other parent when disappointed by the other parent’s actions and keeping adult conversations between the adults. Healthy co-parenting also means respecting the other person’s time and encouraging a relationship between the child and the other parent. In a divorce, one of the key concerns that a child may have is whether they will be able to spend time with the other parent (the non-custodial parent). In Hong Kong, one parent is typically provided with “care and control” and this parent is usually the primary caregiver on a day-to-day basis. The other parent is granted “access” and is considered by the Family Court, the “non-custodial parent.” When the non-custodial parent is granted “access” to the child, the primary parent should facilitate access so that the child can spend time with the other parent as agreed or by the Court order. Making access difficult not only creates tension between the parents but it also places an overwhelming burden on the child who then believes he/she must pick sides between the parents.

Whilst divorce is a difficult process for adults, the children also suffer greatly and they also must process the change. Children need their parents to help them through the process and cannot rely on themselves to get through the ordeal. Thus, if you need assistance through the divorce, speak to friends, family and professionals to help you navigate the challenges. Speaking with your solicitor will also be helpful as your solicitor has seen many families through a divorce and can provide you with useful tips on how to navigate the challenges that you face and the challenges that your children face.

Spotlight Profile – Dr. Ida Ng, Licensed Psychologist

In this spotlight profile, we are speaking to Dr. Ida Ng, licensed psychologist based in Hong Kong and trained in United States of America and who received further accreditation in London and Australia. Dr. Ng has a successful clinical practice in Hong Kong and specializes in providing clients with holistic treatment focusing on mind-body-spirit and thereby mixing clinical psychological therapy along with mindfulness and spirituality for whole-self healing. The aim of Dr. Ng’s practice is to reduce psychological distress and anxiety while at the same time enhancing an individual’s quality of life.

Dr. Ng, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today.

Can you tell us a little bit about your background and training and how it has evolved into your current practice today?

I have had different experiences throughout my career in the psychology field and have trained in various countries. I received my psychology degree from Ohio University in the United States of America and have received certifications from various professional bodies recognized in the USA, Australia and the United Kingdom. My interest is now in China and the well-established systems there.

Your practice focuses on holistic healing thus bringing together psychological therapy together with mindfulness and spirituality. Can you explain this further and how this type of therapy can bring about healing of the whole self?

In my first 5 years of practice, most of the focus of my practice was on the problem and corresponding treatment. This type of treatment helps clients understand cognitive behavior and treatment for that behavior which results in learned behavior. Changing behavior however, only results in robot-like learned patterns because you practice the learned behavior and it thereafter becomes habit. However, what’s missing in this is what’s from the heart. Learned behavior is not what naturally flows from the heart where emotions reside and by not addressing the emotions, the issues are not able to resolve.

With that information on hand, I have focused my therapy on heart healing by allowing clients to look at things from a different perspective. Accompanying therapy, I also include meditation, spirituality, modality and reiki. By understanding these different modalities, I am able to attempt to understand my clients and where they are coming from. For example, when I spent my time training in the United Kingdom, I spent approximately 5 to 7 years focusing on chakra healing so now when I meet with clients, I speak to them about their chakras and activation of the chakras to assist in the healing process.

By looking at a client’s aura and chakra, I can see if there is anything blocking their healing and whether they are aligned or not. By doing this, we can see where the problems arise from. I notice this so I can help the client with their problems and identify the root issue. Most of the time, clients are willing to talk about the problem when they are in realization of what that is. This process focuses on helping individuals connect inside and that in itself takes time and patience.

In your practice, divorce and family issues can be at the forefront of psychological distress and anxiety. Tell us more about the issues you are seeing with those individuals going through relationship issues and/or divorce.

The issue that I see in many relationships is that there is a lot of expectation, not only from within but from society. The problem with expectations is that it shadows how an individual may feel about themselves. But the problem here is that it clouds a person’s ability to understand what they truly want in life and with each other in the relationship.

In my therapy sessions, I always like to clarify with individuals what they truly desire. I try to help them understand what they want and their purpose and I ask if they can learn something from this relationship. I like to get to the core of what an individual wants from the relationship, whether the focus is truly on what they want from their partner or if they only want a picture-perfect version of their relationship that is acceptable to those looking from the outside.

It’s important to focus on the root of the issue because curiosity is important in order to understand how to heal. This requires work in communication not only with yourself but with one another as well.

Has the recent Covid-19 pandemic played a part in the psychological distress you are seeing in clients and if so what kind of issues are consistently coming up?

I think even without this Covid-19 pandemic people lives are busy and they don’t want to deal with problems. When they have free time, individuals prefer to travel and go on holidays rather than talk about their problems.

When the Covid-19 pandemic happened, people were forced to work from home and time kind of stopped. A lot of business trips were cancelled and many people could not attend to their overseas lovers and maintain those relationships. We can see during this Covid-19 pandemic that people have had to really sit down and face problem and this requires facing your partner every morning and night and it’s not something you can hide from.

Can you give us an example of the type of healing work you would recommend to those individuals going through an exceptionally difficult divorce and are dealing with the vast array of emotions that may come up in a divorce such as relief, anger, grief and even loneliness?

In my practice, I work with couples through couples therapy workbooks that helps couples revisit the relationship. It’s not about remembering the first date, but talking about spending time to ask questions and show empathy and demonstrating to each other that you want to communicate with one another.

In relationships, there’s a lot of anger, assumption, fear and frustration. This places a large barrier in the relationship. My job is to help couples understand that their relationship can and will change over the years and how each person views the world may be different. Now with the passage of time, it’s okay to revisit the change in each individual and help couples communicate the changes they are seeing and how they can heal the pain of the past. It can even come down to a simple question of: do you still like your partner?

Have you worked with children who are going through a particularly difficult time when it comes to divorce? What kind of healing work would you recommend for children who are going through the breakup of their parents and the family?

There was a case where I worked with a couple who were struggling on deciding whether to stay in Hong Kong or move back to the United Kingdom. The couple struggled with infidelity and they had children to attend to as well. Both parents struggled as they wanted to keep the family together for the sake of the children. Children are like glue in a family. It’s important to remember that even if parents don’t share too much about their problems with the children, children are very smart and they can sense/feel that something is not right. Parents on the other hand always assume children are just too young to understand, but this is not the case.

Children are very intuitive so when I work with them, I try to help them understand their energy and the energy flow within the family. When speaking with parents dealing with struggling children, I always also try and remind them that it is not a child’s job to glue the family together and the focus should be more on helping the children learn about their emotions in dealing with these struggles rather than carrying the burden of keeping the family together.

There seems to be a real push on focusing on mental health and working towards inner healing. Why do you think it’s especially important for individuals to focus on mental health?

When an individuals’ mental health is not strong, they are easily shifted by circumstances. If you understand what you want and are well connected to your feelings, you are better positioned to both your heart’s desires and rationality to make better decisions in life during times of adversity.

That is why I always ask my clients: what is your mind thinking and what is your heart telling you? This then helps individuals to know how to connect the two so that it results in better decisions. You are essentially sewing together rationality with the soul.

What do you think business/companies can do to support their employees in this push for mental health awareness and healing?

From my perspective, more companies are starting to focus on awareness of mental health in the workplace. I have consulted with many companies on what procedures and exercises can be in place to help employees during tough times. Companies should be focusing a lot of energy on bringing together colleagues so they can be a support system to each other and during Covid-19 times, that may include online gatherings to de-stress and enjoy each other’s company and to keep each other accountable.

It’s important for employers to understand that individuals struggling with mental health issues can be easily overwhelmed by stress and it’s difficult for them to function under stress. When stress is too much, it no longer motivates an individual and they cannot be a participating member when they are de-motivated. And it is this sadness that affects the whole team and company. That is why it’s important for colleagues to support one another.

About Dr. Ida Ng, Licensed Psychologist:

Ida is based in Hong Kong and has over 20 years of clinical experiences in psychological and life enhancement cases and has worked with clients come from all over the world. Ida has practiced in the USA, UK, Singapore, Japan, Macao and Hong Kong. The scopes of services covered by her range from psychological assessment, therapeutic treatment and mindfulness and into life purpose understanding, connection to higher self and spirituality counselling.

Ida has well integrated science and art into her works, teaching and clinical practice.

Ida obtained her psychology degree from Ohio University in the USA and has received further accreditation in psychological counselling from professional bodies in Australia and the United Kingdom.

Ida’s psychology practice is located in Central and Causeway Bay in Hong Kong.

4 Questions To Ask Your Divorce Solicitor

In a divorce, there are a million concerns that are swirling around in your head as you embark on this daunting and overwhelming process. One of the ways to ease your concerns is to be educated about the divorce process, and this requires you to ask the right questions before you begin this journey.

In your divorce journey, there are benefits to consulting with a solicitor to obtain the answers you need for your divorce. So what kinds of questions should you ask a solicitor before you get started?

1. What Costs Can I Anticipate? A divorce is a costly process. Even if you are a multi-millionaire with endless resources of cash, the costs associated with divorce should still be a concern. Your goal is to save your money and use it for you and your family going forward, and not necessarily on legal fees and unnecessary litigation. Each and every law firm will have its own legal fees and costs structure so you need to ask how that fee structure works so that you are aware of how your money will be spent and you can then plan to put aside necessary funds for the divorce process.

2. What Exposure Do I Have Related to Maintenance? One of the main issues you will want to discuss in an initial consultation is your exposure for maintenance for your spouse and/or your children. Whether you are the payor or payee spouse, you will want the solicitor to explain how maintenance is determined by the Family Court in Hong Kong and if possible, give you a general idea of what your exposure is based on the information you provide to the solicitor. It will be important to bring as much financial documentation/information with you to your initial consultation so the solicitor can review your family’s overall financial picture.

3. How Is Child Custody and Care and Access Determined? If you are concerned about child sharing, ask the solicitor what the Family Court will consider when making a determination related to child custody and care and access. It is also a good idea to be transparent with the solicitor on how childcare is currently shared between you and your spouse and what you envision or wish it to look like upon a divorce. Your solicitor can then set out a plan with you on how to achieve your goals with respect to child custody, care and access.

4. What Information Is Needed From Me? When you are consulting with a solicitor, you should be provided with helpful resources on how to get started, in addition to a list of information that you will need to gather to prepare for the process ahead. Initially you will be required to provide a lot of information regarding the children and financial disclosures in order to submit to the Family Court. These documents are mandatory in order to prepare for the process necessary to divorce.

What they say is true, “knowledge is power” and by asking the right questions, you will be educated and armed with information that is beneficial in helping you meet your goals and moving your case towards resolution.

Silver Linings in Divorce

It is a new year and we can never predict what lies ahead, but there are definitely many adventures to be had. If you are going through a divorce, there may be many challenges ahead, but regardless of the challenges, there is always a silver lining in every difficult circumstance.

With that being said, I have listed some of the common challenges you may face dealing with divorce this year, but alongside that I have also listed some of the wonderful accomplishments and adventures you may gain along the way:

1. Heartbreak Over A Failed Relationship. When divorce happens, there is heartbreak, especially if you are the spouse that wanted the relationship to work. Understandably, heartbreak is emotionally and physically taxing and can be magnified in divorce. You and your spouse have invested considerable time into each other and there are many dreams you both had for your family. While it is normal for individuals to go through a grieving process, this is also a wonderful time for you to focus on what is ahead. Set new personal and professional goals, think about some of the hobbies you have always wanted to master and the places you have always wanted to see, especially if Covid-19 restrictions are on its way to being eased in Hong Kong and around the world! For many of you, this could also mean a new start in building new relationships and getting back into the dating scene. Divorce is not the end and there are many wonderful experiences and memories you will encounter over your lifetime.

2. Finance Woes. Divorce can wreak havoc on your finances. For example, a court may order you to pay monthly maintenance for your spouse and for the children, which will cut into your monthly income. In a divorce settlement, you may be required to pay out a significant sum to your ex-spouse to equalize the division of assets and debts. The nest egg you saved in your retirement accounts may also be cut in half as part of a divorce settlement. While the financial pressures associated with divorce can cause great stress, this is also your chance to become empowered to take charge of your finances and create a roadmap for your future financial success. It is during this time that it would be beneficial for you to meet with a financial expert to plan a budget and manage finances following divorce. If you are the receiving party to maintenance, it is not wise to squander your monthly support cheques or your lump-sum divorce settlement with no thought to your financial future. This may also be a good time to think about entering back into the job market and should be discussed with your solicitor about how this will play into your divorce.

3. Co-parenting Rocky Road. In divorce, you and your ex-spouse will begin to co-parent. For some parents, co-parenting is easy with no issue. However, other parents find co-parenting a nightmare and have difficulty communicating with each other. Co-parenting may be difficult for parents, but this “new normal” is also very difficult for children and pets. Remember that this is difficult for everyone involved, especially when you and your ex-spouse are sparring over co-parenting issues. While co-parenting can be rocky, it is a great opportunity for you and your ex-spouse to work on communication skills with one another and with your children. Talk to your children about what the divorce means for them and how it will affect their relationship with you. Ask your children how they feel and what you can do to make the transition easier. Using this difficult situation as an opportunity to build communication bridges with your children will be rewarding in the long-run. Remember that it is important not to use your children as a weapon against your spouse during divorce proceedings. Avoid talking to your children about adult issues related to the divorce. Finally, now that a new family dynamic is being created, this is also a great opportunity to create new traditions and new routines for your family.

With the start of the new year, consult with your attorney about how you would like to proceed in your divorce and the goals you would like to see by the end of the year. Setting goals for your divorce will help you overcome every challenge you face during divorce. Once you get past the challenges, you can then look back and be proud of your accomplishments.