Divorce and Mental Health

Category Archives: Children

Divorce and Mental Health

The team at Hong Kong Divorce believes in the importance of self-care and health practices that nourish the mind, body and soul.  Healthy relationships really stem from a healthy mental state and divorce is a traumatic experience that can impact both your health and the health of your children.

As we have seen in our discussions with mental health professionals, learning how to communicate with one another and engaging in open discussion with your children assists in the healing process of divorce and stepping into a hopeful better future which becomes yours and your children’s “new normal.”

Through our many discussions with mental health professionals across Hong Kong, we have gathered useful tips from these experts from a mental health perspective on what individuals going through a divorce should remember during this difficult time:

Tip #1:  Learn to Communicate from the Heart – While changing behaviours is desirable, ultimate change comes from heart change.  According to Dr. Ida Ng, Licensed Psychologist, “[l]earned behaviour is not what naturally flows from the heart where emotions reside and by not addressing the emotions, the issues are not able to resolve.”

Tip #2:  Accept Change – In a divorce, individuals go through several changes and they are now learning to live a world where they must accept a new reality or a “new normal.”  For many, the change is so drastic that it is difficult to accept.  Learning to accept that changes are occurring and allowing yourself the time and space to adapt to the changes is key to healing.  This includes the changes your children may be experience as well.  Provide an open space and forum for your children the ability to speak freely about the changes they are experiencing and the corresponding emotions related to such change.

Tip #3:  Communicate, Communicate and Communicate More – Communication will be key during your divorce.  Individuals must learn to employ effective communication skills not only with their respective ex-partners whether it be through the process of divorce or during co-parenting challenges, but communication will also play a big role in the healing of your children.  This may be the opportune time for couples to attend couples therapy and for children to also attend therapy to allow them a safe space to communicate their feelings and emotions related to the divorce.  Dr. Ken Fung, clinical psychologist at the Jadis Blurton Family Development Center states that “[c]ouples therapy is a tool/platform to create a safe, comfortable and natural platform for couples to communicate with each other.  It is a way for couples to connect emotionally because many couples have been talking intellectually but that didn’t work out so in my sessions, I help them connect emotionally.”

Tip #4:  Employ Empathy and Compromise – As difficult as it might be in a divorce, it is important for couples to understand where their partner and his/her views are coming from.  By only focusing on your own views in a divorce, it becomes difficult to reach a compromise which is essentially a key element in having a healthier divorce and avoid a divorce that is litigious and stressful.  The ability to empathize and compromise will play an even bigger role if you and your spouse are forced to co-parent.  If your children are able to see that both parents can co-parent in a respectful way, you will see a healthier family dynamic post-divorce and this will allow your children to learn from such behaviour in how to navigate their own relationships going forward.

Finally, a uniform consensus among mental health professionals is to mix therapy along with other self-care alternatives.  You may therefore want to consider focusing on self-care activities such as meditation, acupuncture, reiki or any other healing methods that result in peace of mind and relaxation.  You may also consider focusing on your hobbies which can bring great joy and allows your mind and spirit to relax during one of the more stressful times of your life.

The team at Hong Kong Divorce has been conducting in-depth interviews with several mental professionals around Hong Kong and these Spotlight Profiles can be found as a resource on our website.

Dr. Kristie Craigen, Clinician and Child Advocate of Drs. Cook & Craigen Assessment Services

In this spotlight profile, we are speaking to Dr. Kristie Craigen.  Dr. Craigen is an internationally experienced clinician, psychometric testing and assessment specialist, child inclusive mediation consultant and child advocate.

Dr. Craigen is managing director at her clinic Drs. Cook & Craigen Assessment Services in Hong Kong and she provides a variety of in-person assessment and evaluation services to assist individuals in their healing process.  Dr. Craigen uses psychometric testing as a platform to maximize human potential which in turn yields improvements in functioning and/or removes obstacles to learning.

In addition to the above, Dr. Craigen is a child advocate, particularly with respect to children with learning differences and disabilities.  Dr. Craigen helps identify their unique set of challenges in order to develop needs-specific recommendations and align with children’s best interests, improve their well-being and increase their chances of living their best lives.

Dr. Craigen, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today. 

Can you tell us a little bit about your background and training?

I’ve held management positions since my early 20s, therefore I now have more than two decades of leadership experience in both clinical and corporate contexts. Having completed a Bachelors of Science with Psychology and Management majors, as a young woman I didn’t really know which profession to pursue. Yet looking back it seems that I gravitated to roles in which I could assist people develop and/or reach their potential. In the Human Resources, Marketing, and Leisure Industry Executive roles I have held, I was dedicated to supporting the personal and professional growth of every employee via the development of needs-specific training and development programs, coaching, and creating a “Growth Mindset” culture. Subsequently, it was the need to determine the efficacy of training and development programs, by measuring change in employee performance, that led me to discover the predictive utility and increased certainty of data-driven methods. Basically, I fell in love with psychometric testing.

I have always had a passion for lifelong learning and the desire to deepen my knowledge about the use of psychometric testing as a platform to maximize human potential led me to complete post graduate degrees in the field of clinical psychology. I now have both a Masters’ and a PsyD in Clinical Psychology. I also now know that data-driven methods can be used, not only to maximize potential, but to solve problems and change lives.

You are a child advocate. What does that role entail and what impact do/can you have on a child’s life as an “advocate”?

Most people, both young and old, with mental health difficulties and/or disabilities are in a vulnerable position either in society or in specific situations (e.g., school). Being a child advocate means actively promoting and defending the rights and best interests of children, who are too young to make informed decisions for themselves, may be at risk of harm, aren’t having their needs met, or are in a situation where their rights are being denied.

Being an advocate involves understanding their specific issues on a case-by-case basis, thinking about their needs with particular reference to their developmental stage, and presenting solutions to parents, caregivers, guardians, teachers, and sometimes even the authorities.  Part of this role entails ensuring children’s voices are heard but it runs much deeper than that. Dr. Cook and I gain a lot of personal meaning and satisfaction from helping adults, with the responsibility and power to make decisions that will impact a child’s future, develop and implement a course of action that is in the child’s long term best interest. Being mothers ourselves we obviously adore children and there is no better feeling than watching a child who was struggling begin to blossom and thrive.

Children go through their own struggles when their parents are in the midst of a divorce.  One of the things you advocate for is “child inclusive mediation.”  What do you mean by that and how is that beneficial to children going through the difficulties of divorce?

Child inclusive mediation is a dynamic and powerful evidence-based approach aimed at building co-parenting quality and forming responsive parenting arrangements. This method places the child(ren)’s needs at the center of the divorce arrangements rather than parental conflict. Guided exploration and careful consideration of “what’s best for my child” is more likely to encourage disputing parents to refocus on and plan more cooperatively for the needs of their children post-separation.

The United Kingdom is now seeing the implementation of “no fault divorce.”  How does child-inclusive mediation fit in with this idea of “no fault divorce” and avoiding high conflict litigation?

The words “no fault divorce” are like music to my ears! Anyone who’s been through a divorce can tell you that it’s often a devastating process. The breakdown of a marriage is difficult in itself often conjuring feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, failure, grief, and even anxiety about the future. Going through litigation and court proceeding takes the stress and negativity to another level.

No fault divorce gives divorcing couples the opportunity to divorce ‘well” by reducing hostility and avoiding unnecessary character assassinations while also encouraging parents to participate in alternative dispute resolution and mediation channels.

One of the key issues seen in a divorce is parental alienation.  First and foremost, can you explain the effects parental alienation can have on a child including the “father effect”?

First of all, it’s important to note that parental alienation isn’t listed in the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, so we need to be mindful about the way in which we use this term. Dr, Cook and myself acknowledge parental alienation to be a symptom (of many) associated with pathogenic parenting.

Parenting attitudes and behaviours can be thought of as lying somewhere on a continuum from very facilitative to very restrictive gatekeeping. Very facilitative parenting behaviours manifest as both parents being:

  • Proactive towards the other parent,
  • Inclusive of the other parent
  • Integral to boosting the image of the other parent,
  • Continuously committed to communicating with the other parent,
  • Flexible with time-sharing,
  • Supportive and facilitative with respect to the child building a relationship with the other parent.

Parental alienation is a very restrictive gatekeeping behaviour. It is a form of child abuse and is often part of a wider set of pathogenic parenting practices. Pathogenic parenting creates significant psychopathology in the child through aberrant and distorted modes of parenting such as derogating the other parent in front of the child, marginalizing the other parent, refusing to communicate with other parent, and being extremely time restrictive with respect to the time the child spends with the other parent.

Research demonstrates that children of divorce show the best long-term adjustment when they have a relationship with both parents. While there has been countless studies on the positive effects of maternal involvement on children’s psycho-social development, the benefits of an engaged paternal presence are only just beginning to be understood. For example, there is a reliable correlation between a lack of aggression and children with a father figure. In general, children raised with a father tend to get better paying jobs and the presence of a participating father also reduces female delinquency.

What advice do you provide parents who may have a tendency to engage in parental alienation?  And what coping/healing mechanisms do you suggest for children who may be experiencing parental alienation?

Unfortunately, most individuals engaging in pathogenic parenting practices lack insight. All too often they feel their campaign of denigration towards the other parent is justified or they may be unable to separate their marital conflict from the parent-child relationship and continue to focus on their own pain and hurt rather than the child(ren)’s needs. All divorcing couples should make the effort to stay acutely aware of the messages they send their children about the other parent and constantly question their motives should they find themselves highlighting the faults and minimizing the positives of their ex-spouse to their child(ren).

Children are vulnerable and their sense of security and trust are shattered when they become pawns in their parent’s conflict. They need to be sheltered, as best as possible, from their parent’s acrimony, allowed to continue to develop their own separate relationships with each parent, and reminded at all possible opportunities that they aren’t required to “take sides”. Seeking the assistance of an appropriately qualified mental health professional is greatly encouraged.

When families are involved in high conflict divorce, is there a way to backtrack and bring it back to a place of peace? How can parents bring their divorce from high conflict to more peaceful negotiation and resolution?

Divorcing “well” takes a lot of emotional maturity. It is also a joint effort. Too often we see ex-spouses “slinging mud” at each other yet they rarely stop to consider their own behaviour and how that contributes to the dynamic.

Emotionally mature individuals are flexible, solution-focused, aware of their own limitations, look for opportunities for self-development, and take responsibility. If you find yourself embroiled in a high conflict divorce, first take a step back and determine if there is anything you can change about your own actions and/or reactions that might facilitate even the tiniest bit of positive change. If you can go the next step and get professional help (i.e., family therapist or a parenting coordinator) then even better and your children are likely to benefit the most.

In addition to your work as a clinician, you also provide psychological assessments/evaluations to the Courts related to children and their development.  What is at the forefront of your mind when you are in the midst of preparing these assessments/evaluations?  What is the overall goal when providing the Courts with these assessments/evaluations?

We produce comprehensive data-driven reports that strive to understand and explain:

  • The quality of each parent’s relationship to each child
  • The relationship between the parents and their ability or willingness to support their children’s ongoing relationships with the other parent
  • The parenting skills and capacity of each parent
  • Each parent’s psychological health and any drug or alcohol abuse
  • The children’s psychological health
  • Any evidence of abuse or violence

By getting a clear picture of functioning and possible risk we can then make informed recommendations to the Court in the child’s best interest. Our general guideline is to distinguish between marital problems and parenting issues, and focus on the latter.

About Cook & Craigen Assessment Services

With more than thirty years assessment-specific experience between them Drs. Cook & Craigen have provided a variety of in-person assessment and evaluation services, of the highest quality, for over a decade to individuals based in Hong Kong. Recently, in response to travel restrictions imposed during the Covid-19 pandemic, Cook & Craigen Assessment Services have expanded their offering to include online psychoeducational testing to students attending geographically remote or underserviced English-medium international schools across Asia.

About Dr. Kristie Craigen

Dr. Craigen is an internationally experienced clinician, psychometric testing and assessment specialist, child inclusive mediation consultant and child advocate.

Dr. Craigen is based in Hong Kong and is the managing director at her clinic Drs. Cook & Craigen in Hong Kong and she provides a variety of in-person assessment and evaluation services to assist individuals in their healing process.  Dr. Craigen uses psychometric testing as a platform to maximize human potential which in turn yields improvement in functioning and to remove obstacles to learning.  In addition to her work as a clinician, Dr. Craigen is a child advocate and has assisted the Courts in providing psychological evaluations and assessments.

About Dr. Alison Cook

Dr. Alison Cook received her medical degree from London University. She then specialised in Family Medicine, and worked as a GP and schools’ doctor in the UK, gathering a deep understanding of the cognitive, physical, and emotional milestones that children achieve throughout their development. She augmented her knowledge and training with the British Psychological Society and has worked for more than a decade in Hong Kong to provide clients comprehensive psychological assessments. Her expertise encompasses Psychoeducational Assessments, as well as Custody Assessments for families undergoing divorce proceedings in the Family Court. She has a strong interest in supporting children to achieve their full potential and to be best supported during a parental separation or divorce.

In addition, Dr. Cook served for 11 years on the Executive Committee of the Psychotherapy Society of Hong Kong and she is a past Vice-President.

Round-Up of Divorce News

Here is a round-up of Divorce news circulating the news across the world wide web!

Mobile Phone Addiction

In an article published by The South China Morning Post, some marriage counsellors in China are claiming that mobile phone addiction is responsible for up to 30% of failed marriages in China. The reason behind these claims is that couples are spending more time on their mobile devices which should instead be used to communicate with their partners, perform household duties or educate children. This causes conflict in marriages and which ultimately leads to divorce. The neglect a partner may feel due to the other partner’s attention to their mobile phone made some partners in China feel as if their partner did not care for them, their home or their children.

Couple - Mobile Phone Addiction

The Zodiac Sign Most Likely To Divorce

According to an article released by BestLife, the top three (3) astrological signs to split with their partners are as follows:
1. Aquarius: Due to its free-spirited nature, an Aquarius hates to be tied down and is the least likely to get hitched in the first place.
2. Sagittarius: Sagittarians love to view life as one big adventure and are in a constant state of wanderlust making it hard for them to stay settled in one spot.
3. Pisces: The most romantic, Pisces can become bitter and distant when they feel their partner is not providing them with unconditional love and support.

Couple Relationship - Divorce

Kim Kardashian Is Legally Divorced

Kim Kardashian is now officially single after being granted a divorce from Kanye West. As part of her divorce, the celebrity also dropped “West” from her last name.
Kim Kardashian’s divorce is “bifurcated” meaning that whilst her marital status and legal name have been resolved, the other issues related to divorce, namely custody and finances have yet to be resolved between herself and her former spouse.

Kim Kardashian is legally divorced

Newlywed Divorces After Being Blocked on WhatsApp

A Saudi national filed for divorce in Jeddah and in his Petition for Divorce stated that he wanted to part ways with his wife after she blocked him on WhatsApp. The Court issued a verdict in favour of the newlywed husband and the woman was ordered to return the dowry and gold given to her at the time of marriage.

Whatsapp - block contact

Divorcing Couples Fight Over Crypto

The New York Times reported that divorcing couples are fighting over children, the house and now Crytpo. According to those in legal circles in the USA, marital disputes over Bitcoin is becoming increasingly common and it is now a major source of contention with estranged couples trading accusations of deception and financial mismanagement.

According to divorce lawyers, spouses underreport their holdings or try to hide funds in online wallets and this can be difficult to get to. As a result, forensic investigators are called in to assist but they can charge tens of thousands of dollars to track the movement of cryptocurrencies.

Couple fight

Spotlight Profile – Dr. Ken Fung, Clinical Psychologist

In this spotlight profile, we are speaking to Dr. Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist and a relationship therapist from the Jadis Blurton Family Development Center in Hong Kong. Dr. Fung was formally trained in California, USA and earned accreditation in Hong Kong, Australia and New Zealand.

As a Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Fung focuses on assisting individuals, couples and families with relational and emotional issues. Dr. Fung uses the Gottman Method, Psychodynamic, CBT and Systemic approaches in his practice which we will dive in more deeply with Dr. Fung below.

Dr. Fung, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today.

Can you tell us a little bit about your background and training?

I am a Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Therapist. My work is focused on relationships and treating or working with couples who are going through relational and/or emotional problems.

In terms of my background training and education, I earned a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology in New Zealand and a Master of Social Sciences in Criminology in Hong Kong at The University of Hong Kong and also earned a Doctor of Psychology in Clinical Psychology at the California School of Professional Psychology in USA.

Your practice focuses on the Gottman Method, Psychodynamic, CBT and Systemic approaches. What is this, can you explain what this means and how this is incorporated into your clinical practice?

So, the Gottman Method is the main method of therapy of which I focus on. This method was developed by a pair of renowned psychologists and therapists based in Seattle. This method is based on more than 40 years of research experience as to why couples work and why they don’t work. The Gottman Method focuses heavily on emotions and how people connect. This is how I frame my clinical approach – many times couples in Hong Kong do not know how to express their emotion and rather they talk cognitively and intellectually with each other with very little emotion expressed. The Gottman Method embraces a lot of emotion and that aspect of a relationship. It’s a very comprehensive model and I embrace a lot of the techniques used in the Gottman Method.

The Psychodynamic Method is one that has a very long history. This approach focuses heavily on previous life experience and on the understanding of the intra-psychic conflict and hence defenses and different attachment and relations which we have with our parents and other significant others. This method emphasizes the unconscious processes and it is a complicated and complex approach.

CBT is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and is one of the most commonly used approaches in modern psychotherapy. It is vastly symptom-oriented and the aim is to help clients alleviate their presenting symptoms and identify the factors maintaining the problems. The focus tagline of CBT is that if we change how we think, we can change how we feel.

Many individuals who are going through divorce are challenged with the emotions associated with divorce. What are some of the central themes you are experiencing in your clinical practice with those going through a divorce?

Many individuals seek counseling and psychotherapy as a last resort. It is a last resort after trying everything else. In a divorce process, there are a lot of emotions including, but not limited to anger, frustration and depression. My approach is to try to help them understand where they are in the relationship. A lot of couples think that my role is to help them get back together. However, couples’ therapy is more than that. Yes, getting back together may be one of the goals, but a key goal is to try to help individuals see what they really want in the relationship and so they could be more informed in deciding their future. Couples therapy is a tool/platform to create a safe, comfortable and natural platform for them to communicate with each other. It is a way for couples to connect emotionally because many couples have been talking intellectually but that didn’t work out so in my sessions, I help them connect emotionally.

What practical exercises can individuals do to emotionally connect and get through times of distress (eg. divorce and the Covid-19 pandemic)?

One of the key exercises I suggest to couples is to engage in “stress reducing conversation” – This requires couples to take turns to be the speaker and the listener and the key is to talk about their feelings about anything other than the relationship and relationship issues. This exercise allows the listener to emotionally engage with the speaker and vice versa. This exercise helps couples connect emotionally rather than get caught in the loop of discussion where the focus is only on the relationship and relationship issues. By talking about other things, the couple can start to rebuild healthy conversation. I also suggest that couples use “I” statements when talking about things rather than “you.” Couples should practice this every day for 15 to 20 minutes and try to make some peaceful conversation so the brain can learn that they are each capable of creating non-stressful conversation. This creates the basis for the couple to talk about something more serious.

What advice do you have for parents who are trying to co-parent amidst a divorce? What do you recommend for parents so that they can successfully navigate healthy parenting post-divorce?

First and foremost, it is important for parents to talk to each other first to try to understand each other and then to compromise. Healthy parenting post-divorce requires compromise but a lot of people misunderstand what compromise really means. Individuals think that compromise means that you have to sacrifice and give something up to please the other person but that is not compromise. Compromise can be seen as you and your partner each being a part of your own planet but you both have to come out of yours and meet halfway. In our sessions, I assist couples to identify the areas where they are flexible and where they are inflexible. Compromise can only be accomplished in the common areas identified as “flexible.” However, it’s important to recognize that before entering into successful compromise, each person needs to hear why the other person is inflexible in certain areas. A lot of inflexibility stems from a person’s upbringing and it is deeply rooted in childhood experiences so when a partner tries to move something that was so deeply rooted it’s difficult to change and that’s why it’s so important to understand where the inflexibility is coming from. Change comes after understanding.

You also work with children and the complex emotions they may feel during a divorce and the loss of “family” that they may be feeling amidst a divorce. What can parents do to bring healing and help their children communicate the complexity of emotions they may be feeling?

According to research, children as young as 6 months old can sense a parent’s emotions. A child at this young age may not know the reasons behind it but they can feel a parent’s emotions so parents need to be aware of this. What helps a child is when parents are aware of their own emotions. A parent’s emotion can be very intense even if they decide to use silence as a coping mechanism. Silence sometimes hurts more than when parents fight because silence creates a deep sense of confusion in children. My first suggestion is to not assume that the child(ren) do not know what is going on and instead try to be genuine in terms of your emotions. Emotions are powerful and parents can decide the depth of details they wish to share with a child with respect to the problems they are having and wisdom should be used by a parent when it comes to sharing such details. However, when it comes to emotions, a parent should be genuine with the child. If you’re not happy, you can tell your child you are unhappy but not necessarily have to disclose what exactly happened in terms of details.

You created an online platform called “Your Relationship Clinic” on social media. Can you tell us more about this platform and how you are helping individuals through this online platform?

The “Your Relationship Clinic” was a platform I created in 2013 on Facebook. As time went on, I wanted to reach out more to the younger generation in Hong Kong and I switched the platform to run on Instagram. This is a platform where I share a lot of information and thoughts as a psychologist and a relationship therapist on issues related to relationships. Rather than focusing on academic research, I value sentimental and emotional perspective to allow me to interact more closely with my followers. Each day I run a Q & A and am there to listen to those going through difficulties and my role is to help them understand that there are people out there willing to listen. My platform is run in Chinese but English speakers can also reach out to me should they have any questions or concerns or wish to have a listening ear. My Instagram can be found at @yrrelationshipclinic.

About Dr. Ken Fung, Clinical Psychologist:

Dr. Fung is a Clinical Psychologist and focuses on helping individuals, couples and families with relational and emotional issues using the Gottman Method, Psychodynamic, CBT and Systemic approaches.

Dr. Fung graduated with a Doctor of Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology, USA and he also received a Master of Social Science from The University of Hong Kong and Bachelor of Sciences from The University of Auckland, New Zealand.

Apart from his role as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Fung is the creator of the platform “Your Relationship Clinic”, an interactive channel allowing open discussion and emotional support to traditional Chinese-speaking individuals with relationship issues they may have with partners, family members, friends, colleagues and pets.

Dr. Fung’s practice emphasizes the importance of communication as a tool to meet expectations but also a vehicle to express genuine emotions through the establishment of a “safe space.”

Dr. Fung is based in Hong Kong and his clinic is located at the Jadis Blurton Family Development Center.

Considerations Before Relocating Your Children

Hong Kong is a cosmopolitan city, attracting many individuals from various countries to live, work and raise children. In the heat of a divorce, many expatriates may decide they no longer want to remain in Hong Kong and many times, individuals decide to relocate back to their home country. Unfortunately, this may be a complicated situation if you and your spouse are from different countries and the neutral destination to raise your children may continue to be Hong Kong. With that being said, if you are set on relocating with the children in the midst of a divorce, there are important things to consider before you make a final decision to move away with your children.

First of all, if your spouse does not agree to you and your children’s relocation, your plan for a fresh start may not be as easy as you think. Relocation applications can be extremely expensive and can result in a long drawn-out litigated process through the Family Court system. While the Family Court will consider your request to move the children out of Hong Kong, it is usually not a quick decision but rather a well thought-out order by the Family Court. Thus, it could be months or even years before you are given the green light to move with your children to another country.

Before you make a decision to remove your children from Hong Kong, here are some helpful tips to consider before you make this life-altering decision:

1. Think About the Best Interests of Your Children
Is this move beneficial for your children? When you relocate your children, you are moving them away from the other parent. That may be appealing to you in a messy divorce, but to your children, this may be a devastating reality. Think about what is in the best interests of your children first and foremost. If your ex-spouse has an equal timeshare with the children, it may not be that easy to move the children away from their current home country. You will also want to consider the fact that you may be moving your children away from the support system (both family and friends) that they are used to. When this becomes a litigated matter, your desire to move away may not happen immediately, so you also need to consider what the best timing is for your children’s transition in this relocation. If your children are old enough to understand your decision to move, you may want to have open dialogue with them as to their wishes on whether they want to move at all.

2. Have a Plan
Have you thought out the relocation plan all the way through? What school will your children attend and is this school up to par with the current school that your children are attending? Who is going to help care for the children when you are unable to be there for them? Do you have family and/or friends who are in the vicinity to help with childcare and be a support system to you and your children? Do you have a job lined up and is this really a better opportunity than the current employment situation that you are facing in Hong Kong? These are just a few questions to ask yourself prior to the relocation of your family. These are also some questions the Court will want you to explain prior to making its decision so it is important to have a plan and not make a decision based on a whim.

3. Communicate With the Other Parent
Communicate with the other parent about your desire to move. You may be surprised that he or she may be willing to work with you in allowing the relocation. This will also help you avoid costs associated with a litigated motion to move. Communicating with the other parent will also help you and your ex-spouse figure out an appropriate parenting plan and visitation schedule, which may include online “virtual visitation” through Skype, Facetime or ZOOM. It is also important to discuss travel expenses for visitation now that the two of you are no longer living in the same city/country. Open communication may reduce conflict between you and your ex-spouse and reassures the other parent that you are not trying to cut him or her out of the children’s lives. It shows the other parent that you want them to be involved despite the distance.

These are some important questions to ponder upon before you make an ultimate decision to move forward with a relocation application. It is important to remember that Hong Kong is a member of The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction and any individual who unilaterally and wrongfully removes a child from the jurisdiction will be subject to the Convention. Thus, it is important that you speak to a solicitor in this process so that he/she will be able to help you navigate the legal system in this life-changing decision. Ultimately, this should not be an impulsive decision but one that is well thought out and planned appropriately.