Category Archives: Matrimonial Home

Tips for a Healthy Marriage

In a recent article published by the South China Morning Post, it was reported that marriage counsellors in China claim that mobile phone addiction is responsible for up to 30% of failed marriages in China. The reasoning, according to the article published by SCMP is that mobile phones occupy so much time and as a result, partners are no longer spending time communicating with each other and involving each other in day to day tasks such as household chores and children’s duties. This ultimately causes conflict among couples.

Whilst we might know what causes conflict in relationships and marriages, what can be said about what results in a healthy happy marriage? Here are some top tips on how to maintain a healthy marriage and a good way to avoid a trip to a divorce lawyer’s office.

1. Act Like You Are Dating: Just because you are married, does not mean dating goes out the window. It is easy to find yourself in the same monotonous routine once you are married, especially given all the new responsibilities you may face as a couple and as parents. However, that does not mean you should neglect each other. Many couples divorce because they do not spend enough time together. Or, couples divorce because their attention is focused on other responsibilities, including children and work. Like seasons, priorities change and spouses may feel neglected. So do not forget that your spouse needs attention and care, and priority should be placed on the relationship. Spend time alone, go out on dates, continue to nurture your friendship with one another and then you are less likely to even consider divorce.

2. Respect and Kindness Through Words and Actions: By the time a couple is ready to divorce, their relationship is so broken, that couples are unable to communicate with one another, much less with any mutual respect and kindness. Respect for one another and kindness through words and actions go a long way when you are in a relationship, whether it is a friendship or a romantic relationship. If you can respect your spouse and express your love through kind words and actions, you are creating a healthy dynamic that will reap rewards throughout your marriage. Moreover, if the relationship is beyond repair, clients who at least recognize the importance of respect and kindness, can maintain a more level-headed approach to divorce. This in-turn allows for a more civil, reasonable (and cheaper) divorce process.

3. Transparency and Communication: There is something to be said about “mystery” and its allure when you are in the beginning stages of a dating relationship. However, when you are married, keeping big secrets from your spouse can be damaging to your marriage. Many marriages fall apart because an individual’s struggles related to finance, and addictions including alcohol, drugs and sex are kept secret. Being transparent and genuine about your struggles is never easy because it forces you to be vulnerable. However, if you value your marriage, you will work on and build upon your communication skills to maintain the relationship.

The underlying thread weaved throughout all the tips shared above is this: place priority upon your spouse’s needs. Marriage is a big commitment and once you take the step towards marriage, it is definitely worthwhile to make efforts to nurture it and hopefully it will also help you avoid a trip down the dreaded divorce highway.

Spotlight Profile – Sanam Ramchandani, LCA Solutions

In this spotlight profile, we are speaking to Sanam Ramchandani, Deputy CEO and Founder of LCA Solutions. LCA Solutions is an award-winning multi-family office based in Hong Kong that services its clients overall needs as a “One Stop Solution center”. Originally focused primarily on financial issues they also provide a forum to discuss and source answers to the numerous non-financial issues clients may face including topics such as succession, generational transfer, matrimonial structuring and family governance.

Sanam, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today.

Can you tell us a little bit about your background and why you decided to create your own Multi Family Office?

For the last 30 years, I have been in the financial industry and actively participated in growing the Asian Private Banking space that we see today. Before founding LCA Solutions in 2010, I had been in senior management roles within international banks directly servicing the needs of High-Net-Worth clients but also answering the requirements of the bank itself.

Following the financial crisis, I felt that a boutique approach was more conducive to offering the style of services I felt was needed for clients and hence started LCA Solutions, which combines the quality of the process driven models of leading international banks with the attention and tailor-made approach that only a boutique can afford to provide by servicing a limited client base. Quality and Passion is not easily scalable.

Can you expand on the link between your service offering and the need for succession and family planning advice?

We believe too much focus is put on investment related topics by Asian families while communication and succession issues are not appropriately dealt with, thus increasing the risk of future destabilisation within the family.

As human beings going through life, we all face issues and sometimes are overwhelmed by them thus procrastinating on our reply.

By facilitating discussions, we provide a forum to source answers recognising that starting the process is not always easy without external help.

In your line of work, you need to take into account various family issues, one of which being marriage and potential divorce; How do you approach these situations with your clients?

Many patriarchs and matriarchs are extremely worried about their sons or daughters getting married to individuals that may be less wealthy than themselves. From our experience, they most commonly ask about trusts, prenuptial agreements or postnuptial agreements to protect their children from potential “gold-diggers”; but also protect the overall family assets from future issues arising through the actions of a specific family member (like Divorce).

This might sound really “unromantic” but parents, especially wealthy ones, will always have a legitimate concern about the intentions of their children’s future spouses.

Our advice is hence to always start these types of discussions early with all family members and not when they bring someone home for whom they have serious feelings or are in the process of divorcing. You need to discuss concepts without a specific person, or event, in mind in order to avoid being perceived as targeting that specific individual or issue.

We advise the family that to succeed, such discussions must rely on the buy-in of all those concerned and must be perceived as transparent and fair (or at least with adequate explanations on the reasoning behind the potential contentious decision) in order to have the highest chance of long-lasting success and avoid future destabilizing issues within a family.

Specifically speaking, I know you focus on assisting women with their respective financial issues. Can you explain more about what you’re seeing especially in Hong Kong and how you’re trying to empower your women clientele to take charge of their lives and give them financial freedom?

During my career, I noticed that many women in general leave financial matters to their spouse as they feel that it is a world that is too complex for them. Many times, women feel that their time is better spent in either raising a family or advancing their career and really burrowing down doing so. That is why women do very well in general.

Although I do not focus on women as such, I have come across various situations and have noticed a common thread of anxiety that women seem to have when they have to deal with financial issues.

It is with this is mind, that I feel that being a woman myself who has been in the financial arena for over 30 years, my experience may be valuable to other women. As a wealth manager, I see my job as someone who can definitely minimize the anxiety as a result of the “unknown”.

Financial freedom stems from the fact that you know you will be able to continue a certain lifestyle that is comparable to what you were used to.

Why do you think it’s especially important to educate women about financial freedom especially in Hong Kong?

Whether it is in Hong Kong or elsewhere, women should feel comfortable when discussing financial issues. To achieve that, it is important that they have the opportunity to understand the various concepts at hand in the financial markets and not be taken aback by the “jargon” used that makes it look more difficult than it is.

As mentioned before, most believe that financial freedom is obtained when your financial income provides enough to cover the needs of your lifestyle.

Since you should not spend what you do not have, it is important to be honest and realistic about financial expectations and hence the most important element is to have the client understand when the capital amount at their disposal is not enough to generate their required cashflow.

Hong Kong is one of the most expensive cities in the world so when talking about the financial impact of divorce, the hardest talks are often the most important ones to have. Discussions such as moving to a less expensive city or, in the case of a housewife, re-entering the workforce in one way or another should always be discussed as a potential solution; even if not the preferred choice for some.

But it is important to have an honest and realistic discussion; only then can someone feel they can make the right decision for them and regain control.

What tips can you provide women who are going through a divorce and how to uncouple in a way that brings financial freedom and independence?

When heading towards a divorce, you sadly need to prepare for the worst and hope for the best; thus, I advise clients to map their assets, so they know what they could expect from the proceedings.

Too often we see that the wife has limited knowledge of the intricate details of the couples’ financial situation. Hence it is important for them to obtain that information, or at least gather as much as possible of the available information.

Emotions, by definition, are always going to be high and as financial advisors, it is important for us to try to defuse the situation as much as possible so the client can focus on the financial facts.

Staying calm and objective, is easier said than done, I know. Once the decision is made then it is imperative to look at the situation objectively and “keep calm and carry on”.

The emotional toll of going through a divorce is bad enough without having to worry about how to manage your finances. But it is important to always remain realistic about financial issues.

Our goal is to ease part of that burden by answering four action points for our clients: understand what level of financial freedom they can expect from their divorce settlement, open new private bank accounts for them to start afresh, formulate the investment strategy that will be required to achieve their financial objectives and finally implement it while reporting back to them in full transparency so they can have peace of mind to focus on other issues.

Independence is also a frame of mind which can only be achieved if one feels at ease and in control. To know exactly how much you have, and how much you can spend, is definitely a big part of that control.

About Sanam Ramchandani:

Born in Hong Kong, Sanam has over 30 years of experience in the International Financial Industry. She co-founded LCA Solutions, an award-winning Hong Kong multi-family office, whose primary focus is providing wealth management services to individual clients, families and their family businesses. As an SFC regulated multi-family office, LCA Solutions provides a complete range of investment services but also a forum to discuss non-financial issues such as family governance, succession planning, matrimonial structuring etc. Through her own experience and network, Sanam can answer all your financial needs as well as help source answers to issues such as prenuptial or postnuptial agreements, divorce proceedings or family matrimonial structuring.

For more information about Sanam Ramchandani and her company, LCA Solutions, you can visit their website: https://www.lcasolutions.asia/

Silver Linings in Divorce

It is a new year and we can never predict what lies ahead, but there are definitely many adventures to be had. If you are going through a divorce, there may be many challenges ahead, but regardless of the challenges, there is always a silver lining in every difficult circumstance.

With that being said, I have listed some of the common challenges you may face dealing with divorce this year, but alongside that I have also listed some of the wonderful accomplishments and adventures you may gain along the way:

1. Heartbreak Over A Failed Relationship. When divorce happens, there is heartbreak, especially if you are the spouse that wanted the relationship to work. Understandably, heartbreak is emotionally and physically taxing and can be magnified in divorce. You and your spouse have invested considerable time into each other and there are many dreams you both had for your family. While it is normal for individuals to go through a grieving process, this is also a wonderful time for you to focus on what is ahead. Set new personal and professional goals, think about some of the hobbies you have always wanted to master and the places you have always wanted to see, especially if Covid-19 restrictions are on its way to being eased in Hong Kong and around the world! For many of you, this could also mean a new start in building new relationships and getting back into the dating scene. Divorce is not the end and there are many wonderful experiences and memories you will encounter over your lifetime.

2. Finance Woes. Divorce can wreak havoc on your finances. For example, a court may order you to pay monthly maintenance for your spouse and for the children, which will cut into your monthly income. In a divorce settlement, you may be required to pay out a significant sum to your ex-spouse to equalize the division of assets and debts. The nest egg you saved in your retirement accounts may also be cut in half as part of a divorce settlement. While the financial pressures associated with divorce can cause great stress, this is also your chance to become empowered to take charge of your finances and create a roadmap for your future financial success. It is during this time that it would be beneficial for you to meet with a financial expert to plan a budget and manage finances following divorce. If you are the receiving party to maintenance, it is not wise to squander your monthly support cheques or your lump-sum divorce settlement with no thought to your financial future. This may also be a good time to think about entering back into the job market and should be discussed with your solicitor about how this will play into your divorce.

3. Co-parenting Rocky Road. In divorce, you and your ex-spouse will begin to co-parent. For some parents, co-parenting is easy with no issue. However, other parents find co-parenting a nightmare and have difficulty communicating with each other. Co-parenting may be difficult for parents, but this “new normal” is also very difficult for children and pets. Remember that this is difficult for everyone involved, especially when you and your ex-spouse are sparring over co-parenting issues. While co-parenting can be rocky, it is a great opportunity for you and your ex-spouse to work on communication skills with one another and with your children. Talk to your children about what the divorce means for them and how it will affect their relationship with you. Ask your children how they feel and what you can do to make the transition easier. Using this difficult situation as an opportunity to build communication bridges with your children will be rewarding in the long-run. Remember that it is important not to use your children as a weapon against your spouse during divorce proceedings. Avoid talking to your children about adult issues related to the divorce. Finally, now that a new family dynamic is being created, this is also a great opportunity to create new traditions and new routines for your family.

With the start of the new year, consult with your attorney about how you would like to proceed in your divorce and the goals you would like to see by the end of the year. Setting goals for your divorce will help you overcome every challenge you face during divorce. Once you get past the challenges, you can then look back and be proud of your accomplishments.

Potential Risks When Litigating Relocation in Divorce

For our last installment in this three-part relocation series, we are going to explore the potential risks that you may face when you decide to litigate a relocation application in the Family Court in Hong Kong. Generally speaking, it is always a better option to come to agreements with your ex-spouse rather than litigate matters in the Family Court. However, it is sometimes an impossibility you’re your ex-spouse is not reasonable and/or not willing to resolve matters outside of Court, whether it be agreements made directly with one another or through mediation. Relocation is a heated discussion between divorcing couples if there is no agreement. Thus, let’s look at some of the potential risks you should consider before you proceed and make your case before a judge. Bear in mind that these are only “potential” risks and each outcome will depend on the circumstances of your case and the judge deciding the outcome.

1. Less Time With Your Children: In our previous article, we explained that if you file an application in bad faith (eg. To alienate the other parent from the children) and this is revealed to the judge, you may expose yourself to a change in your custody and visitation orders. Thus, it is extremely important that the focus of your relocation application is the welfare of your child. A relocation application should never be filed to cause a rift or disrupt the bond between your ex-spouse and your child.

2. Money and Time Spent: A relocation application is not a quick and easy process. You may find yourself waiting for months before you are heard before the Family Court and once the process begins to move through the Court process, it could take significant time before an order is made by the judge. Moreover, solicitor and barrister fees and costs will also pile up rather quickly and you should anticipate having to pay significant fees to litigate your matter.

3. Psychological Damage: There is no definitive evidence to suggest that a relocation will have any psychological impact on your children, but there is some research out there that suggests it could have a long-term impact on a child’s psychology. This is definitely something to consider and watch out for. Look for signs of stress and anxiety in your child. Think about what kind of effect this might have long-term knowing your child’s unique personality and bond with the other parent. If anything, a relocation could potentially cause more distress than the usual divorce due to your child being uprooted.

4. Hague Convention Risks: In the event that you make a unilateral decision and you move your child to another country without consent or a court order, you will be subject to The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. It is considered child abduction if you wrongfully remove a child from their home state. Fleeing Hong Kong without written consent by the other parent or court order is risky business and you should seriously reconsider your decision and you should consult with a solicitor who can inform you of all the risk.

Being prepared will help you overcome any obstacles you may face in a relocation application before the Hong Kong court and should be taken seriously to avoid any significant adverse repercussions upon yourself or the children.

Managing Emotions During The Divorce Process

Anger, sadness, guilt, anxiety, grief and loss are just some of the various emotions that you may be experiencing as a result of your divorce. Due to this vortex of emotions, it is not uncommon for you to act in an uncharacteristic manner.

Acknowledging and being aware of your feelings during the divorce process is the first step in managing your emotions. It is the management of your emotions that will help you overcome some of the more difficult aspects of your divorce, in addition to building a foundation of peace and harmony with your former spouse as many of you will need to co-parent throughout your lifetime.

While many challenging issues must be addressed with the assistance of solicitors and the Family Law courts, many issues couples face can be resolved without the assistance of professionals and should be considered before calling professionals for help. It should be noted that calling your solicitor every time you experience a stressful event is extremely costly and does not lay a foundation for problem solving once the divorce is complete. That is why it is important for individuals to think creatively and with an open mind about how to resolve issues on their own so that your well-earned money can be used for a useful purpose rather than towards solicitor fees and costs.

Here are some practical applications on how to manage emotions during the divorce process in hopes that it will ease the long and difficult divorce process.

Flexible Thinking: Flexible thinking means that you do not automatically reject what your former spouse may say when new ideas are discussed or decisions need to be made. This includes having the ability to think outside of the box and coming up with alternative proposals for problem solving rather than just fighting for your first and only idea.
Check Yourself: It is always important to check yourself and your reactions to your spouse. Are you saying no because you are angry and upset over what your spouse did to you in the relationship? Are you saying no to spite your spouse? Or are you making decisions based on the situation at hand and what is best for you and your family going forward? Ask these questions before you respond to your spouse. When you make decisions that are born out of a rational and calm thought-process, you may find that you are making better decisions.
Focus on the Big Picture: Look at the big picture and write your goals down on paper so that you can keep track of what you are hoping to accomplish at the end of your divorce and beyond. For example, if your goal is to be cost conscious, you may be inclined to take steps to reduce solicitor fees such as mediation versus litigation. Mediation will require you to be more willing to compromise rather than leave all decisions up to the Family Court. If your goal is to make the divorce a peaceful and as seamless as possible transition for your children, you may think differently about how you react and respond to your spouse in front of your children.

With all of this being said, divorce is a difficult and long process, similar to a marathon. It is important to allow yourself to indulge in the emotions you are feeling during the process. Be sure to contact trusted family and friends and seek professional assistance from psychological experts if you need a safe place to process through your emotions. Do your best however to keep your emotions out of the divorce process because divorce is essentially a legal business transaction.

Tips for a Healthy Marriage

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