In a recent article published by the South China Morning Post, it was reported that marriage counsellors in China claim that mobile phone addiction is responsible for up to 30% of failed marriages in China. The reasoning, according to the article published by SCMP is that mobile phones occupy so much time and as a result, partners are no longer spending time communicating with each other and involving each other in day to day tasks such as household chores and children’s duties. This ultimately causes conflict among couples.
Whilst we might know what causes conflict in relationships and marriages, what can be said about what results in a healthy happy marriage? Here are some top tips on how to maintain a healthy marriage and a good way to avoid a trip to a divorce lawyer’s office.
1. Act Like You Are Dating: Just because you are married, does not mean dating goes out the window. It is easy to find yourself in the same monotonous routine once you are married, especially given all the new responsibilities you may face as a couple and as parents. However, that does not mean you should neglect each other. Many couples divorce because they do not spend enough time together. Or, couples divorce because their attention is focused on other responsibilities, including children and work. Like seasons, priorities change and spouses may feel neglected. So do not forget that your spouse needs attention and care, and priority should be placed on the relationship. Spend time alone, go out on dates, continue to nurture your friendship with one another and then you are less likely to even consider divorce.
2. Respect and Kindness Through Words and Actions: By the time a couple is ready to divorce, their relationship is so broken, that couples are unable to communicate with one another, much less with any mutual respect and kindness. Respect for one another and kindness through words and actions go a long way when you are in a relationship, whether it is a friendship or a romantic relationship. If you can respect your spouse and express your love through kind words and actions, you are creating a healthy dynamic that will reap rewards throughout your marriage. Moreover, if the relationship is beyond repair, clients who at least recognize the importance of respect and kindness, can maintain a more level-headed approach to divorce. This in-turn allows for a more civil, reasonable (and cheaper) divorce process.
3. Transparency and Communication: There is something to be said about “mystery” and its allure when you are in the beginning stages of a dating relationship. However, when you are married, keeping big secrets from your spouse can be damaging to your marriage. Many marriages fall apart because an individual’s struggles related to finance, and addictions including alcohol, drugs and sex are kept secret. Being transparent and genuine about your struggles is never easy because it forces you to be vulnerable. However, if you value your marriage, you will work on and build upon your communication skills to maintain the relationship.
The underlying thread weaved throughout all the tips shared above is this: place priority upon your spouse’s needs. Marriage is a big commitment and once you take the step towards marriage, it is definitely worthwhile to make efforts to nurture it and hopefully it will also help you avoid a trip down the dreaded divorce highway.