Steps to Moving On After Divorce

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Steps to Moving On After Divorce

Many individuals describe the divorce experience as being similar to a death in the family.  For some, the divorce process can take years and it is truly an emotionally and physically taxing journey that requires patience and resilience.  At some point however, once the divorce is finalized, it will then be important for you to move on with your life.  This should certainly be an exciting time for you as life is finally moving on and you are embarking on a new adventure.

  1. Get Your Finances In Order: This has been a central theme in all of our articles here at Hong Kong Divorce.  Once you are divorced and have a better idea of the monies coming in and going out, it is important to ensure that your finances are in order.  This may involve retaining a financial planner to assist you in helping you create a plan or a budget which carefully and thoughtfully considers your day-to-day needs and for your future. You will want to review your finances regularly and keep track of your spending and saving patterns so that you can continue to be aware of where you stand financially post-divorce. This will involve good record-keeping and if you are unable to do this yourself, you can always enlist the help of a professional to assist you or download relevant finance apps that could help you keep track of your finances in an organized manner.
  2. Be Thoughtful In Speaking About The Divorce With Your Children: If you have children and are co-parenting post-divorce, it is important to speak appropriately to your children about the divorce and about the other parent. If you want to maintain peaceful and cooperative co-parenting, you will need to play a big role in keeping the peace.  Children should be kept out of adult discussions and should not play a role in having to mediate arguments or disagreements between you and your spouse. If you have any issues, speak directly with your co-parent and do your best not to disrespect your co-parent by bad-mouthing him/her to the children.
  3. Join A Support Group: If you are having a hard time moving on after divorce, this may be the time to consider joining a support group.  A support group or therapist can help you process the feelings you are going through post-divorce and a support group may provide you with new friendships with like-minded individuals going through the same process.  Sometimes, discussing your divorce with family and friends may not be enough and they will only want you to skip ahead to your happy ending. However, moving forward may require you to process the divorce and discuss it at great length.  A therapist or support groups can provide you with this support and is a safe space for you to vent about the emotions you are going through.  Speaking to a therapist or joining a support group will allow you to be in an environment that is judgment-free and will help make you feel less lonely as others are also going through the same circumstances.
  4. Focus On Self-Care & Rediscover What Makes You Happy: This is also a great time for you to focus on your own self-care.  This can include you figuring out what makes you happy and learning who you are as a single adult.  There are many avenues of self-care to consider including exercise, nutrition, hobbies and passions and reconnecting again with family and friends that you may have not had time for previously.  This is also the time to rediscover what makes you happy and what you want out of your life going forward. How do you want your future to look like? What active steps can you put into place in order to reach your goals?

It is important to note that as you move on with your life post-divorce, the time it takes to heal and get settled into your new normal may vary from individual to individual. During this healing process, be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time and space to move forward on your own schedule. No one can tell you how to heal or how long it will take to heal and move on.  As long as you are taking active steps to dust yourself off and move on, even if it is baby steps, you are doing the best you can!

Divorcing Over 50

The unfortunate reality is that divorce can happen at any stage in a marriage.  As relationships continuously evolve, there may come a point where it no longer works and both parties have decided to move on.  For some couples, this can happen later in life and in some cases, after the children have grown and left the nest.

Divorce after 50 does not mean your life is over and it can be an opportune time to reevaluate your life and take advantage of the many opportunities and adventures that lie ahead.  Here are some tips to help the transition.

  1. Educate Yourself with your Divorce and your Finances: The divorce process is overwhelming at any age and regardless of what stage you are at in your life, it is important for you to become educated about your divorce and your rights.  Make sure to speak with a solicitor so that you understand what the divorce process looks like, the timing of how things will progress, the details of your financial health in a divorce and most importantly, what the divorce will mean for your children if they are still under the age of 18 years.  If your spouse was the main breadwinner and/or individual in charge of the finances in your marriage, now is the time to become acquainted with your finances and understand what your future finances will look like.  This might also be an opportune time to hire a financial planner so that you know how much you can spend and how much you will need to save for the future.  Will a divorce require you to find a job and earn income of your own? What additional income do you need to pay your day-to-day expenses? How much money can you save and will need to save post-divorce?  These are some of the questions you will need to ask your financial planner so you are aware of your financial health.  The goal is to become financially independent which will ultimately result in greater life satisfaction for you.
  2. Start New Hobbies and Make New Friends: A divorce does not mean your life is over. Yes, it will mean that you will need to adapt to a new normal but that new normal can be exciting and full of adventure.  If you still have minor children and they are not with you 100% of the time, the extra time that you have when your children are living with your spouse will give you the opportunity to spend time with friends, explore new hobbies and make new friends. Even if you are in your older years, it does not mean your life is over but rather it is just getting started and you now have a second chance opportunity to explore all the things you wish you could have done in your younger years. Starting new hobbies that may include physical fitness is a form of self-care which is so important if you are to find fulfilment and satisfaction in your life.
  3. Start Dating: Your golden years is also an opportune time to start dating again. This is especially true if your children have grown up and moved away. Explore the dating world, get to know others and yourself in the process.  Social connections are good for humans and building upon new relationships is what you might just need to move on and let go of the past.

Regardless of where you are at in the divorce process, it is important to see it as a new opportunity and new adventure to move forward in your life despite the difficulties of the journey.  Be sure to surround yourself with supportive family and friends.  It is also important to partner up with a solicitor that is supportive of you and provides you sound, reasonable advice so that he/she can make carry many of the legal burdens for you and support you along the way.

 

Timeline For Divorce In Hong Kong

One of the more common questions we receive is how long does it take to obtain a divorce in Hong Kong? There is not a simple straight-forward answer as there are many considerations involved in such a timeline.  The timeline of a divorce could be impacted by your personal circumstances but also circumstances out of your control. For example, earlier this year, the courts in Hong Kong were subject to a “GAP” (a general adjournment period) due to the Covid-19 outbreak in Hong Kong.  As a result, the courts in Hong Kong were closed for an extended period of time and this caused significant delay for many individuals going through a divorce in Hong Kong.

With that being said, the Family Court in Hong Kong do have general guidelines on how long it should, practically speaking, take for cases to be concluded in Hong Kong. This is outlined in Practice Direction SL10.4 with the Family Court’s Target Time Tabling schedule.  According to this Practice Direction, after a Case Management Hearing (“CMH”) hearing is listed before the allocated judge, and in cases that involve both children and finance proceedings, the target time table is as follows:

  1. Short cases within 23 months from the Case Management Hearing;
  2. Medium cases within 27 months from the Case Management Hearing;
  3. Long cases within 32 months from the Case Management Hearing.

The time tabling estimates of course may vary if you are only dealing with finance issues.  According to the Practice Direction SL10.4, cases involving finances only, the target time table is as follows:

  1. Short cases within 13 months from the Case Management Hearing;
  2. Medium cases within 17 months from the Case Management Hearing;
  3. Long cases within 22 months from the Case Management Hearing.

It is important to note that on the issue of divorce only, if you and your spouse are not involved in a dispute on the issue of divorce and it is an undefended divorce, the timeframe from the filing of the Petition to the Decree Absolute is generally anywhere between 6 to 9 months.

It is important to speak with your solicitor about any questions you may have about the timetable for your divorce as he/she will be able to give you a better idea of how the courts are handling matters at the time of filing.  The complexity of your case will also determine the timeline as to how long it will take the courts to set down key dates/hearings.  Your solicitor should prepare you in that a divorce in Hong Kong is never quick.  It will take time to divorce in Hong Kong and it will be an involved process that requires a great deal of patience.

No-Fault Divorce in the UK_Is This What’s In Store For Hong Kong?

On 6th April 2022, England and Wales adopted a “No-Fault Divorce Law” pursuant to the Divorce Dissolution and Separation Act, which allows couples to legally separate without either party having to admit any wrongdoing.   As Editor-in-Chief at Hong Kong Divorce and as a qualified attorney with the State Bar of California and a member of the United States District Court, Southern District of California and United States District Court, Central District of California since 2007, I wanted to discuss No-Fault Divorce and how the new law in the United Kingdom compares to No-Fault Divorce in California.

Under this new No-Fault Divorce law in the United Kingdom, parties filing for Divorce can file a joint application for divorce without the need to cite terms such as Adultery or “Unreasonable Behaviour” and thus pointing to the conduct of the other party.  This is a change from the previous law in the United Kingdom where parties filed for Divorce citing fault either by way of adultery or unreasonable behaviour or desertion.  Whilst couples in the United Kingdom can opt for divorce based on 2 years’ separation, this basis for divorce requires consent from the other party and if no consent is received, parties must be separated for an additional 5 years before a Petition for Divorce can be filed.

No-Fault Divorce has long been something followed in California.  In fact, California was the first state in the USA to enact a No-Fault Divorce law.  This law was signed by Governor Ronald Reagan, a divorced and remarried movie star at the time and came into effect in 1970.  Many states in the USA now follow the No-Fault Divorce law including New York, Florida, Washington and Hawaii, among others.

For those in favour of the No-Fault Divorce law, the benefit of the move towards this new law is that the litigious heat that many couples face in divorce will be taken out of the divorce process as the courts will no longer look to fault and the reasons behind the breakdown of the marriage.  Instead, the view and hope are that the parties will instead focus on a more collaborative way forward in resolving issues related to children and financial division.  In the United Kingdom, industry leaders are embracing the move towards the No-Fault divorce law as “fault” creates unnecessary conflict and in fact, many believe that “fault” has no bearing on the outcome of financial proceedings.

It is true that in California, there are at times litigious divorces even though it is a No-Fault state.  Many parties can bring in “fault” through declarations and testimonies filed with the Court in support of their motions for relief.  It is not a perfect system.  And it is likely that in the United Kingdom, while the hope may be to create a more harmonious environment for divorcing parties, there still will be loopholes where parties’ attempts to bring in information to prove fault and blame will remain to play a pivotal role in the divorce.  However, similar to what California has seen in their No-Fault divorce system, the United Kingdom judges will no longer focus on what caused the breakdown of the marriage and instead focus on simply moving the divorce forward and focusing on the wishes of the parties to end the marriage.

With the new law in effect as of 6th April 2022, the parties can now file for divorce and cite “irreconcilable differences” which is how divorcing parties file for divorce in California and other No-Fault states. In addition to the citation of “irreconcilable differences” the parties will then file for a condition order (similar to a Decree Nisi in Hong Kong, which is a first step towards a divorce or Decree Absolute) and then once that is granted, the parties can then apply for a final order (Decree Absolute).

The big question many are now asking is whether the process in the United Kingdom with No-Fault divorce will result in a quicker divorce process.  According to experts in the United Kingdom, there will be a minimum period of 20 weeks from the commencement of the proceedings to the conditional order.  In California, the courts provide parties an opportunity to ponder upon the divorce and provides opportunity for reconciliation during the “waiting period.”  In California under Section 2339(a) of the California Family Code, the waiting period is six (6) months and begins once the Summons and Petition for Divorce is filed or the date of appearance of the Respondent, whichever occurs first.  This minimum 6-month period to obtain a divorce is to allow the parties sufficient time for parties to change their mind about the divorce and to reconcile.

The England and Wales No-Fault Divorce law follows the likes of many other international countries who have also adopted this No-Fault divorce including Australia (Family Law Act 1975), Canada (The Divorce Act 1968) and Sweden.  Whether the No-Fault divorce law will incite more divorces in the United Kingdom is yet to be seen.  Proponents against No-Fault divorce argue that this will only increase the filing of divorce petitions, in addition to the fact that without allowing fault to be introduced into the discussion, judges will make important decisions without consideration of the facts, behaviour and circumstances that led to the breakdown of the marriage.

A big question among practitioners and clients in Hong Kong is whether the Hong Kong courts will follow the United Kingdom by introducing No-Fault Divorce.  This is yet to be seen but it is likely that if Hong Kong courts decide to move towards No-Fault Divorce, it will take much time and consideration before any decisions are made.  History has demonstrated that Hong Kong courts are slow to follow the United Kingdom and thus, only time will tell if Hong Kong decides to move towards No-Fault Divorce.

Postnuptial Agreements vs. Deed of Separation – Which One Do You Need?

In this article, we are going to touch upon two important types of agreements that you and your spouse can enter into:  Postnuptial Agreements and a Deed of Separation.  What is the difference between the two agreements and which one should you opt for, if at all.  Let’s take a look!

Postnuptial Agreements:  A Postnuptial Agreement is a marital contract and entered into after the marriage.  In comparison, a Prenuptial Agreement is a marital contract entered into prior to the date of marriage.  Similar to a Prenuptial Agreement, a Postnuptial Agreement can be entered into between a husband and wife (because it is after the marriage) in order to set out terms for resolution of key issues in a divorce such as finances and children.  For many couples, a Postnuptial Agreement is a key document to set out terms in anticipation of divorce, thus making the divorce process a lot smoother so that there is no ambiguity over what could be high conflict issues.  Sometimes, couples enter into Postnuptial Agreements because they are considering a divorce but then they decide to reconcile.  Then as a safeguard, they have in place a Postnuptial Agreement in place in the event the reconciliation does not work.  In Hong Kong, Postnuptial Agreements are recognized and considered when dealing with divorce settlements by the Hong Kong Courts.

Deed of Separation:  A Deed of Separation on the other hand, is a separate agreement made between a husband and wife after a decision has been made to legally separate.  Many times, couples enter into a Deed of Separation to outline the terms of their divorce on key issues such as finances and children.  The Deed of Separation is then attached to the Divorce Petition to demonstrate to the Hong Kong Court that an agreement has been reached between the parties and thus, the divorce should therefore move forward without delay.  This extra step in entering into a Deed of Separation may be worthwhile for couples because an agreement can be reached early on in the separation process.  It essentially releases the heat which may arise in a divorce process when disagreements take place between separating couples.

Is A Deed of Separation Similar to a Judicial Separation?:  A Deed of Separation is simply a contract/agreement entered into between you and your spouse outlining the terms agreed to with respect to a separation/divorce.  A Judicial Separation however, is an actual application made to the Hong Kong Court whereby you and your partner are stating that you want to be legally separated but for some reason not legally divorced.  Many times, individuals choose a Judicial Separation for personal reasons such a religion.  Whatever the reason, it is important to remember that if you apply and obtain a Judicial Separation, you are legally separated but it does not mean you are divorced.  Later, if you decide you wish to become legally divorced from your spouse, you will need to commence separate divorce proceedings.  This is something to consider from a cost basis because you will need to spend money both on a Judicial Separation proceeding AND a divorce proceeding if you later wish to become legally divorced.  Another key consideration when applying for a Judicial Separation is that if you obtain a Judicial Separation and are not legally divorced and only legally separated, you are not free to marry under the law.  If you obtain a Decree Absolute in your divorce proceeding however, you are free to remarry upon the pronouncement of a Decree Absolute.

How Do You Choose Between These Options?:  Before you move forward with a Postnuptial Agreement, Deed of Separation and/or a Judicial Separation or Divorce, it is important that you speak directly with a solicitor and explain your special circumstances.  Depending on your circumstances, one agreement may be a better option than another.  Your solicitor will then be able to guide you in the right direction as to what agreement/contract you should have in place and whether a separation or divorce is the better option for you when applying to the Court.  Your solicitor will help ensure you take the right steps for yourself and your family.

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