Spotlight Profile – Dr. Cheung Ching Ping, Dennis, Psychiatrist

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Spotlight Profile – Dr. Cheung Ching Ping, Dennis, Psychiatrist

In this spotlight profile, we are speaking to Dr. Dennis Cheung, a specialist in psychiatry and medical director at HealthyMind Centre, based in Hong Kong.  Dr. Cheung is also the founding director of Healthykiddo, a charitable organization, aiming at helping kids with special needs. Apart from that, Dr. Cheung is also a clinical honorary assistant professor at Department of Psychiatry, HKU.

Dr. Cheung, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today. 

Can you tell us a little bit about your background and training?

I was born and raised in a grassroots family. My parents had devoted their entire life to improve the living conditions of the family. Their hardwork provided a positive role model for myself and the family.. With plenty of effort, I managed to get admitted to the medical school of Hong Kong University in 2003, in the year of SARS. After graduation, I chose to continue with specialist training in psychiatry. When comparing to other specialties, I realized that psychiatrists spend much more time understanding the patient as a whole, rather than focusing on a specific pathogen or specific part of the body.

During my service in the public sector, I obtained broad exposure to various psychiatric services, including general adult, child and adolescent, substance abuse, psychogeriatric and psychiatric rehabilitation services. I am now a Fellow of The Hong Kong College of Psychiatrists and a Fellow of the Hong Kong Academy of Medicine in the specialty of Psychiatry.  I am also a specialist in psychiatry with The Medical Council of Hong Kong.

I started private practice in 2017 with the clinic name “HealthyMind Centre”, hoping to help more people achieve a “healthier mind”. I believe psychiatric treatment is not only about medication, but should be more comprehensive. I thus invited some other professionals like clinical psychologists, family therapists, TMS specialists and counsellors  to join me and I formed a team to help with those in need.

We are seeing a lot more individuals willing to speak about self-care and the need to take care of their mental health especially with all the challenges individuals face on a day-to-day basis.  Can you tell us about some of the key struggles/issues you are witnessing with your clients in Hong Kong? 

Absolutely. It’s great to see a growing awareness of the importance of mental health and self-care.

In Hong Kong, one of the biggest challenges I have seen among clients is the high stress levels that come with the fast-paced and competitive nature of the city. Many people struggle to find a balance between work, family and personal life, which can lead to burnout, sleep problems, anxiety and depression. Many clients are experiencing significant amounts of stress from different aspects, such as work, study, relationship or family issues and they do not have enough capacity or resources to handle it. It is important for individuals to prioritize their mental health and seek out support whenever necessary.

What advice do you provide for those struggling through mental health issues?

In Hong Kong, according to the latest survey, 1 in 7 people in Hong Kong are having a mental health issue. Mental health problem are not uncommon. Dealing with mental health issues can be challenging, but it is important to remember that help is always available. Here are a few things to consider:

  1. Seek professional help: If you are struggling with mental health issues, it is essential to seek professional help. Delay in seeking support might make the condition even worse. Consider seeing a therapist, a counselor, or a family doctor if you are not sure how severe your condition is or who to approach.
  2. Self-care: Self-care can assist in managing many mental health issues. Ensure that you are getting enough rest, exercising regularly and making time for activities that you enjoy.
  3. Connect with others: Isolation can worsen the symptoms of many mental illnesses. Connect with close friends or family, join a support group or even try some volunteer works might help ease some of the sufferings or symptoms.

Are there are a lot of resources available for individuals who are struggling mentally and emotionally? Where can these individuals reach out for help?

There are many resources available for individuals who are struggling mentally and emotionally. One good place to start is by contacting a social worker or your family doctor. They can help guide you to the appropriate resources and support in your community. Additionally, many non-profit organizations and support groups exist to help individuals who are struggling with mental health issues. It’s important to remember that seeking help can be difficult, but it is a brave and important step towards better mental health.

Do you work with clients/patients who are struggling with divorce and the breakdown of the family unit?

I do work with clients who are struggling with divorce matters or breakdown of the family unit. They are mostly presented with different mood problems or sleeping issues. Sometimes, it is the children who are having  adjustment issues. Divorce and the breakdown of the family unit can be incredibly challenging experiences, often resulting in significant emotional distress for those involved. It is important for individuals going through a divorce or experiencing family conflict to find appropriate support. It is also important to remember that, while these situations may be difficult, there are often ways to find positive outcomes and work towards healing and growth.

For those struggling with a divorce, what would you suggest they do to move forward and find hope in such a dark period of their lives?

Divorce can be an incredibly difficult and painful experience, but it is important to remember that you can rebuild and find hope, even in the midst of the darkness. Here are some suggestions for moving forward:

  1. Take time for self-care: Prioritize your own physical and emotional health by engaging in regular exercise, practicing mindfulness, and joining activities that you enjoy.
  2. Seek out support: Talk to your trusted friends or your family members regarding your difficulties, or seeking help from local support groups. It is important to have a support system to turn to during this challenging time.
  3. Allow yourself to grieve: Divorce often comes with a sense of loss, and it is important to allow yourself the time and space to grieve that loss.
  4. Stay positive and hopeful: Remember that this is a transitional period, and that you have the power to create a new future for yourself. Keep a positive outlook and focus on the possibilities ahead.

 

About Dr. Cheung Ching Ping, Dennis, Medical Director and Psychiatrist at HealthyMind

Dr. Cheung Ching Ping, Dennis, Medical Director and PsychiatristDr. Dennis Cheung is a specialist in psychiatry and medical director at HealthyMind Centre, based in Hong Kong.  Dr. Cheung is also the founding director of Healthykiddo, a charitable organization, aiming at helping kids with special needs. Apart from that, Dr. Cheung is also a clinical honorary assistant professor at Department of Psychiatry, HKU.

For more information regarding HealthyMind Centre, you can visit: https://www.healthymindhk.com/

For more information regarding Healthkiddo, you can visit: https://www.healthykidhk.org/

Parental Alienation and Narcissistic Abuse in Divorce

In litigious divorce cases, one of the issues co-parents may have to deal with is parental alienation.  Parental alienation occurs when one parent manipulates a child such that the child refuses to have a relationship with the other parent and as a result, hostilities abound.  Many times, parental alienation is tied to narcissistic behaviour.  An individual with narcissistic traits will thrive on the use of control and manipulation in order to retain what he/she deems as the “perfect image.” Parental alienation, whilst may be satisfying to the alienating parent, will have devastating effects on a child and the alienated/loving parent and is never in the best interests of the child.

Here are a few things to consider and look out for if you are involved in a divorce with a narcissist and dealing with parental alienation:

  1. Look for Potential Warning Signs of Parental Alienation:
    Each and every situation look different and your warning signs will be specific to you. However, here are a few of the more common signs to look out for: the alienating parent will vilify the loving parent; vilification of the loving parent may then extend to his/her extended family and friends; the alienating parent will employ guilt trips upon the child in order to obtain a desired result; the alienating parent’s projected feelings about the loving parent may be highlighted in the child’s own opinion.  These warning signs can be displayed in certain behaviour such as the following examples:  The alienating parent will refuse to respect the loving parent’s time with the child; the alienating parent will tell the child about adult issues including that the loving parent does not love or care about the child; the alienating parent will guilt trip the child by acting hurt if the child is nice to the other parent; the alienating parent rewards the child for talking badly about the other parent.  Ultimately, at the core of parental alienation is that the child is left in the middle feeling as if he/she has to choose between one parent over the other.  A healthy message that should normally be relayed to a child is that he/she does not have to choose between either parent and that both parents, despite being divorced, love the child and want what is best for him/her.  This idea of healthy parenting is not a concept that a narcissistic abusive co-parent can understand.
  2. Be Aware of the Risks:
    The main risk of parental alienation is that it will cause destruction in the relationship between the child and the loving parent, despite the fact that it is the alienating parent who is causing the divide between what once was a healthy relationship. Many times, a relationship between a child and loving parent is irreparably destroyed due to parental alienation caused by the narcissistic parent. What results is either a toxic/resentful relationship between the child and loving parent, or in the worst-case scenario, no relationship will be in existence between the loving parent and the child. This ultimately is the goal of a narcissistic parent who aims to destroy the relationship between the loving parent and the child.  This then allows the narcissistic parent to have full control of the child and full control over the loving parent.  It is therefore important to be aware of the warning signs of narcissistic parental alienation before it gets to the point where no relationship exists between the loving parent and the child.
  3. Do Not Compete:
    If you are up against a narcissistic parent who is indulging in a parental alienation campaign, it is important that you do not try and compete with this individual and his/her behaviour. Instead, it is important to focus on your own parenting styleyou’re your own relationship with the child that is focused on healthy values. Whilst a narcissistic parent may try and bribe a child with gifts and excess, it is important to instead focus on parenting your child with love, empathy, stability, truth, presence and a peaceful environment.  Long-term, this will prevail once a child is old enough to comprehend the full picture of what has been occurring.
  4. Ask for Help:
    Dealing with a narcissistic abusive co-parent is not an easy task and should not be handled alone. You should be asking for help from third-parties such as family and friends who can maybe intervene and assist in the peaceful communication between you and your co-parent. You may also need to speak with a therapist to learn how to deal with a narcissistic abusive co-parent and develop your skills on how to communicate with him/her and with your child. In very difficult cases, you may also need to seek solicitor advice as your solicitor may be able to assist in finding a solution for your situation.
  5. Take Care Of Yourself:
    Finally, it is important that you take care of yourself when dealing with a narcissist in your co-parenting journey. It is a difficult task to deal with someone who may be manipulating and attempting to control you and your child. It is important that you take time for yourself, whether it is talking it out with a therapist or spending time with family and friends, enjoying the hobbies that make you happy and strengthening yourself so that you are able to create boundaries with your co-parent and learn to be mentally strong despite the circumstances.

If your co-parent escalates his/her narcissistic behavour to physical abuse, this is when you will need to seek professional assistance and report any abuse to the authorities.  Speak to someone who can support you in safely reporting any abuse to authorities and ensure that you and your child are not in danger. This is also the time to speak with your solicitor so he/she can assist with legal action in protecting you and your child against an abusive spouse.

Half-Year Review of the Most Interesting Divorce Stories of 2023

We have already reached the halfway mark of 2023! Over the last six (6) months, there have been many interesting stories regarding divorce and here are some of the more interesting highlights mid-way through 2023!

  1. Positive Effects of Divorce: According to an article published by Fortune Magazine, a study finds that divorce can have a positive effect on performance at work. According to the individuals studied, divorce allows individuals to have a clear mind at work. Perhaps the reason is that the stress associated with divorce can negatively impact work performance. This is especially true when many individuals compare divorce to a death. Thus, it follows that once a divorce has occurred, the focus can now be on moving forward, allowing individuals to focus on work product instead.
  2. Divorce Rate in Morocco Increases: According to the national prosecutor’s office in Morocco, the divorce rate has significantly increased between 2016 and 2021 going from 72,000 cases to 126,000.  The cases of reconciliation are also declining. It is known that Morocco has adopted Moudawana, the family code introduced in 2004 which guarantees women equal rights to file for divorce.  This is in contrast to the law previously where only the husband could legally decide to end the marriage.  Legal advocates in Morocco believe this is one of the main reasons why the divorce rate has increased in Morocco.
  3. Higher Divorce Rates in 2023 in the UK: Solicitors in the United Kingdom are bracing for a surge in divorce filings in 2023 after the change in law in 2022.  In the UK, many solicitors dub the first working Monday in January as “Divorce Day” because marital problems become worse over the Christmas holidays.  Solicitors are now embracing for a spike in divorce filings this year because on 6th April 2022, England and Wales adopted a “no-fault divorce law” pursuant to the Divorce Dissolution and Separation Act which allows couples to legally separate without either party having to admit any wrongdoing.    Thus, the new law allows couples to divorce without placing blame on either party. Perhaps the no-fault divorce may also remove the “heat” associated with divorce, ending the blame game in a divorce.  
  4. Celebrity Divorce: Emily Ratajkowski: Hollywood celebrity, Emily Ratajkowski publicly declared that she does not believe divorce is a sad thing. According to Ratajkowski, individuals should not be afraid of divorce if they are unhappy in a relationship. Ratajkowski said in a podcast, “I don’t think divorce is a sad thing. I know a lot of people are unhappily married for a very long time because they’re so afraid of divorce. I don’t think that’s a good way to live.” Ratajkowski has been divorced since 8th March 2021 and has since been romantically linked to several high-profile celebrities.
  5. Celebrity Co-Parenting: Ali Wong: Hollywood comedian and actress Ali Wong said in a Vanity Fair Magazine article that she and her ex-husband of 8 years has not stopped being “best friends” since their divorce. In fact, Ali Wong states that their friendship is stronger than ever despite their romantic relationship being over. The former couple share two daughters and according to Wong, the two still travel together with the children and state that they remain “amicable and they will continue to co-parent lovingly.”

Divorce remains a hot topic throughout this first half of the year of 2023.  Later this year, we will provide a further update of other noteworthy news regarding divorce to wrap up the year!

Spotlight Profile – Jacky T. K. Lai, Mediator

In this spotlight profile, we are speaking to Jacky T.K. Lai, a mediator and barrister at IceHouse Chambers in Hong Kong.  Jacky is a mediator and mediation advocate with experience in over 850 cases that includes disputes involving children and finances.  Jacky has also utilized his expertise as a mediator to train others in the field (as Trainer with Hong Kong International Arbitration Centre (HKIAC), Training Qualifications UK (TQUK)/The Office of Qualifications and Examinations Regulation (Ofqual) and Hong Kong Professional Mediation Association (HKPMA), and as Coach with many other institutions).

Jacky, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today.

Can you tell us a little bit about your background and training?

I am a barrister called to the Bar in June 2007, mediator, arbitrator and lecturer on mediation and negotiation topics for universities and mediation institutions.  I like to mediate on various sorts of cases including matrimonial matters.  I find resolving conflicts through interest-based negotiations very satisfying, and I am grateful for the trust that I receive from the parties and learned friends.

I received my general mediation training in 2008 from the Accord Group in liaison with HKUSPACE, and my matrimonial mediation training in 2010 from Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council (CMAC).

You have considerable expertise in your role as a mediator and as a mediation advocate.  First, can you tell us why you advocate mediation first in any legal dispute?

Parties usually have too much information but lack of insight.  With their entrenched long-time hatred towards one-another they become too emotionally entangled and entwined into an “Avenger” mentality, thereby losing sight of other dimensions and bigger goals in their lives.  They often get tunnel-vision.  Mediation gives them an opportunity to zoom-out and to hear from each other.  Once communication starts, then understanding at a deeper level can commence.  Of course, the parties may still choose not to settle, yet it is ensured that it is an informed decision, and not because of a lack of communication nor mutual understanding.

You have worked in numerous mediations and in various disputes not only matrimonial disputes. Is there a common theme that you notice in all your mediations that results in a successful mediation? Is compromise the key element to a successful mediation?

The common themes are: broader outlook on the disputes, new dimensions and new observations on life and the issues, a more realistic and a more objective assessment of the law, the facts and the evidence, as well as the perspectives of the opponents.  Sometimes, they just need a platform, a facilitator, a face-saving setting to settle the case.   We mediators are the catalyst in the sessions.

Compromise is NOT a key element to a successful mediation.  Compromise is only a minimalist approach towards settlement.

What works in mediation is: Collaboration. Understanding. Communication. Objectivity. Positivity.  Rethinking.

What can couples do to prepare for a successful mediation?

Have a pre-mediation meeting with a good mediator accompanied by their solicitor/counsel and supported by a trusted and beloved one.  The pros and cons, the costs and benefits and the strategy and tactics, are all re-examined thoroughly, in a safe environment, and the couples are empowered to make decisions.  Of course, trust and rapport are being built throughout the process, and the trauma, pains, suffering and fears are being acknowledged and addressed as well.  If the wound is not healed, at least antiseptic is applied and a bandage is attached to it.  Active listening and empathy are the key elements.

Through your experience, you have come across mediations where a resolution is simply unattainable.  In your matrimonial mediations, what has been the key element of an unsuccessful mediation?

Inadequate insight, mutual understanding, active listening, rethinking, new dimensions or outlook of everything else are common themes.  Tunnel-vision and inadequate wisdom and courage to walk a new path, objectivity, positivity are also common themes.  Many times, the root is insufficient love towards themselves and the children.

In a nutshell, what is lacking is the absence of the essential elements of interested-based negotiations.

 

About Jacky Tsk Kin Lai, Mediator and Barrister at IceHouse Chambers
Jacky T.K. Lai, a mediator and barrister at IceHouse Chambers in Hong Kong.  Jacky has been a mediator and mediation advocate in over 850 cases that includes disputes involving children and finances.  Jacky has also utilized his expertise as a mediator to train others in the field.
Jacky has been a barrister-at-law in private practice in Hong Kong since 2007. He practices in civil and criminal litigation as well as mediation. Jacky received his Bachelors Degree in Economics and LLM from the University of Hong Kong, MBA from the Chinese University of Hong Kong, and LLB from Manchester Metropolitan University. He obtained his HKIAC Accreditation as General Mediator in 2009 and Family Mediator in 2012 by the Hong Kong International Arbitration Centre (HKIAC), and the Hong Kong Mediation Accreditation Association (HKMAAL) Panels of General and Family Mediator since its inception in 2012.
Jacky has been a member of the HKIAC Users’ Council since 2009.  He is the Chairman of the General Mediation Division (GMD) under the Hong Kong Mediation Council and person-in-charge of the Council’s Membership Committee.  He was the Honorary Secretary of Hong Kong Mediation Council (HKMC) under the HKIAC last year, and member of HKIAC’s General Mediation Interest Group. He acted as Vice-Chairman of the HKIC Family Mediation Interest Group, Person-in-charge of Building Management Sub-Group and Person-in-charge of Labour and Employment Mediation Sub-Group. An HKMAAL accredited mediator (General and Family), he has served as a mediator in hundreds of cases.
Jacky has a wealth of teaching, coaching and judging experiences with many universities in Hong Kong with particular emphasis on Mediation and ADR. He is Head Trainer and Chief Assessor of mediation course for Training Qualifications UK, Office of Qualifications and Examination Assessment (TQUK/ Ofqual) and Assistant Head Trainer of HKMAAL 40-hour curriculum, Mediation Subject Expert of Hong Kong Council for Accreditation of Academic and Vocational Qualifications and International Mediation Competition Coach and Judge of International Chamber of Commerce, Professional Mediator on many mediation panels and mentor mediator for the Joint Mediation Helpline Office.
黎子健先生  LLB, LLM (HKU), BSocSc, MBA, FHKI Arb, MCIArb
黎先生自 2007 年起在香港擔任私人執業大律師。他的執業領域包括民事和刑事訴訟以及調解。 黎先生在香港大學獲得經濟學學士學位和法學碩士學位，在香港中文大學獲得工商管理碩士學位，在曼徹斯特都會大學獲得法學學士學位。他分別於 2009 年和 2012 年獲得了香港國際仲裁中心(仲裁中心)認可的一般調解員和家事調解員資格，並於 2012 年香港調解資歷評審協會有限公司(調解資歷評審協會)成立起獲得其一般調解員和家事調解員資格。
黎先生自 2009 年起擔任仲裁中心益友會成員，也是仲裁中心轄下的香港調解會(調解會)的榮譽秘書，且任仲裁中心一般調解興趣小組成員。他曾為仲裁中心家事調解小組的副主席、物業管理調解推廣小組負責人和勞工及僱傭關係推廣小組負責人。 作為調解資歷評審協會認可的調解員（一般和家事），他曾在數百個案件中擔任調解員。
黎先生在香港多所大學擁有豐富的教學、培訓和評審經驗，尤其重視調解和其他替代性糾紛解決方式。 他是英國特許資歷培訓處/評核及考試規例局認可的調解課程的首席培訓師和首席評估員、調解資歷評審協會40小時課程的助理首席授課者、香港學術及職業資歷評審局的調解事項專家、 International Chamber of Commerce國際調解比賽教練和評委、多個調解小組的專業調解員和 聯合調解專線辦事處的導師調解員。

Steps to Moving On After Divorce

Many individuals describe the divorce experience as being similar to a death in the family.  For some, the divorce process can take years and it is truly an emotionally and physically taxing journey that requires patience and resilience.  At some point however, once the divorce is finalized, it will then be important for you to move on with your life.  This should certainly be an exciting time for you as life is finally moving on and you are embarking on a new adventure.

  1. Get Your Finances In Order: This has been a central theme in all of our articles here at Hong Kong Divorce.  Once you are divorced and have a better idea of the monies coming in and going out, it is important to ensure that your finances are in order.  This may involve retaining a financial planner to assist you in helping you create a plan or a budget which carefully and thoughtfully considers your day-to-day needs and for your future. You will want to review your finances regularly and keep track of your spending and saving patterns so that you can continue to be aware of where you stand financially post-divorce. This will involve good record-keeping and if you are unable to do this yourself, you can always enlist the help of a professional to assist you or download relevant finance apps that could help you keep track of your finances in an organized manner.
  2. Be Thoughtful In Speaking About The Divorce With Your Children: If you have children and are co-parenting post-divorce, it is important to speak appropriately to your children about the divorce and about the other parent. If you want to maintain peaceful and cooperative co-parenting, you will need to play a big role in keeping the peace.  Children should be kept out of adult discussions and should not play a role in having to mediate arguments or disagreements between you and your spouse. If you have any issues, speak directly with your co-parent and do your best not to disrespect your co-parent by bad-mouthing him/her to the children.
  3. Join A Support Group: If you are having a hard time moving on after divorce, this may be the time to consider joining a support group.  A support group or therapist can help you process the feelings you are going through post-divorce and a support group may provide you with new friendships with like-minded individuals going through the same process.  Sometimes, discussing your divorce with family and friends may not be enough and they will only want you to skip ahead to your happy ending. However, moving forward may require you to process the divorce and discuss it at great length.  A therapist or support groups can provide you with this support and is a safe space for you to vent about the emotions you are going through.  Speaking to a therapist or joining a support group will allow you to be in an environment that is judgment-free and will help make you feel less lonely as others are also going through the same circumstances.
  4. Focus On Self-Care & Rediscover What Makes You Happy: This is also a great time for you to focus on your own self-care.  This can include you figuring out what makes you happy and learning who you are as a single adult.  There are many avenues of self-care to consider including exercise, nutrition, hobbies and passions and reconnecting again with family and friends that you may have not had time for previously.  This is also the time to rediscover what makes you happy and what you want out of your life going forward. How do you want your future to look like? What active steps can you put into place in order to reach your goals?

It is important to note that as you move on with your life post-divorce, the time it takes to heal and get settled into your new normal may vary from individual to individual. During this healing process, be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time and space to move forward on your own schedule. No one can tell you how to heal or how long it will take to heal and move on.  As long as you are taking active steps to dust yourself off and move on, even if it is baby steps, you are doing the best you can!

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