Hong Kong Divorce x Ritzy Hong Kong – Ritzy Chat: Caroline Choi, Founder of Hong Kong Divorce

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Hong Kong Divorce x Ritzy Hong Kong – Ritzy Chat: Caroline Choi, Founder of Hong Kong Divorce

Hong Kong Divorce was recently featured in Ritzy Hong Kong’s Ritzy Chat Column.  Here’s a look at our Feature Article!

Founder of Hong Kong Divorce, Caroline Choi

Caroline Choi, Founder of Hong Kong Divorce, understands how difficult it can be to deal with divorce in Hong Kong. Today, she shares with us her views and the ways to make life easier in the midst of the time-consuming process.

1. Can you tell us what Hong Kong Divorce does?

hongkongdivorce.com is a free educational tool and resource for individuals struggling to navigate divorce in Hong Kong. They can find all the answers they need to assist them in navigating through the complexities of divorce and matrimonial proceedings in Hong Kong. It aims to set out in simple terms what one can expect to encounter in the run-up to a divorce, and during the long and sometimes complicated process that may follow. The platform provides the public with easily accessible information related to every aspect of divorce and clarifies how the divorce process works. Its mission is to provide a concise and clear overview of the law, answer common queries and provide general support to those in need. Having said that, to be clear, it does not provide legal advice. We always advise them to seek independent legal advice from their solicitors.

2. What are the most common barriers that individuals in Hong Kong face when dealing with divorce?

Divorce is not easy in general. It becomes increasingly difficult because the Court system in Hong Kong is backed up and the divorce process requires a lot of patience and time for progress to be made. Many individuals want a resolution right away but getting involved in the Court system is already difficult and it just becomes exceptionally difficult if you and your former spouse do not get along and require the Family Court in Hong Kong to make decisions for you.

Founder of Hong Kong Divorce, Caroline ChoiFounder of Hong Kong Divorce, Caroline ChoiFounder of Hong Kong Divorce, Caroline Choi

3. It can be painful to deal with divorce but do you agree that every cloud has a silver lining?

Yes of course. Divorce can be painful and many liken divorce to a death in family. However, I always remind those going through a divorce that it is not the end but rather a beginning to new things.  The “new” normal can be healthier and bring you even more joy than whatever circumstance/situation you were in previously.  After all, to get to a healthier place, you have to go through the divorce process and resolve it.

4. What is the most important thing you want to tell the individuals who are now struggling to deal with their divorce?

It is important to surround yourself with your loved ones including family and friends.  Having supportive people around you will lift you up during the difficult times in a divorce. One more thing, you should have a mindset of collaboration, especially if you have children. Having a collaborative mindset will go a long way as you and your former spouse will need to support each other for the sake of your children and it will make the divorce process much easier.

5. How do you make yourself happy and ritzy in life?

Similar to my advice above, I like to surround myself with loyal, trustworthy and supportive family and friends. The good people you surround yourself with are so important and investing in those relationships makes me happier.

 

To find out more about Caroline, please click here.

Half-Year Review of the Most Interesting Divorce Stories of 2023

We have already reached the halfway mark of 2023! Over the last six (6) months, there have been many interesting stories regarding divorce and here are some of the more interesting highlights mid-way through 2023!

  1. Positive Effects of Divorce: According to an article published by Fortune Magazine, a study finds that divorce can have a positive effect on performance at work. According to the individuals studied, divorce allows individuals to have a clear mind at work. Perhaps the reason is that the stress associated with divorce can negatively impact work performance. This is especially true when many individuals compare divorce to a death. Thus, it follows that once a divorce has occurred, the focus can now be on moving forward, allowing individuals to focus on work product instead.
  2. Divorce Rate in Morocco Increases: According to the national prosecutor’s office in Morocco, the divorce rate has significantly increased between 2016 and 2021 going from 72,000 cases to 126,000.  The cases of reconciliation are also declining. It is known that Morocco has adopted Moudawana, the family code introduced in 2004 which guarantees women equal rights to file for divorce.  This is in contrast to the law previously where only the husband could legally decide to end the marriage.  Legal advocates in Morocco believe this is one of the main reasons why the divorce rate has increased in Morocco.
  3. Higher Divorce Rates in 2023 in the UK: Solicitors in the United Kingdom are bracing for a surge in divorce filings in 2023 after the change in law in 2022.  In the UK, many solicitors dub the first working Monday in January as “Divorce Day” because marital problems become worse over the Christmas holidays.  Solicitors are now embracing for a spike in divorce filings this year because on 6th April 2022, England and Wales adopted a “no-fault divorce law” pursuant to the Divorce Dissolution and Separation Act which allows couples to legally separate without either party having to admit any wrongdoing.    Thus, the new law allows couples to divorce without placing blame on either party. Perhaps the no-fault divorce may also remove the “heat” associated with divorce, ending the blame game in a divorce.  
  4. Celebrity Divorce: Emily Ratajkowski: Hollywood celebrity, Emily Ratajkowski publicly declared that she does not believe divorce is a sad thing. According to Ratajkowski, individuals should not be afraid of divorce if they are unhappy in a relationship. Ratajkowski said in a podcast, “I don’t think divorce is a sad thing. I know a lot of people are unhappily married for a very long time because they’re so afraid of divorce. I don’t think that’s a good way to live.” Ratajkowski has been divorced since 8th March 2021 and has since been romantically linked to several high-profile celebrities.
  5. Celebrity Co-Parenting: Ali Wong: Hollywood comedian and actress Ali Wong said in a Vanity Fair Magazine article that she and her ex-husband of 8 years has not stopped being “best friends” since their divorce. In fact, Ali Wong states that their friendship is stronger than ever despite their romantic relationship being over. The former couple share two daughters and according to Wong, the two still travel together with the children and state that they remain “amicable and they will continue to co-parent lovingly.”

Divorce remains a hot topic throughout this first half of the year of 2023.  Later this year, we will provide a further update of other noteworthy news regarding divorce to wrap up the year!

Cost Considerations in a Divorce

When individuals consider divorce, the main focus is generally centered around child support and maintenance (i.e. alimony/spousal support).  What many individuals do not consider when filing for divorce are the costs related to the actual divorce such as filing fees, fees for solicitors and barristers, fees for experts and other cost considerations such as trial.

In this article, we will dive deeper into some of the “hidden” fees you will need to consider when you are planning your divorce case.

  1. Court Fees: When you file a Divorce Petition, the court has mandated filing fees for the filing of your papers.  If you have hired a solicitor to take care of all the paperwork and filing of your Divorce Petition, these filing fees and the fees incurred for clerks at your solicitor office to travel to/from the courthouse to file such paperwork will be included in your monthly bill.  You should speak to your solicitor about the court fees so you are aware of what it costs to file your paperwork. You should also be informed of the hourly rate charged by your solicitor’s clerks to travel to/from the courthouse to file paperwork and also to serve papers to your ex-spouse’s solicitors.
  2. Solicitor and Barrister Fees: If you have hired a solicitor, your solicitor will be charging you for the work done on your case. The hourly rates are generally outlined in your solicitor’s retainer agreement.  This retainer agreement should be read carefully as it will list out the terms of your agreement with your solicitor. If you do not understand the agreement, you should ask questions so that you are fully aware of the terms before you sign the agreement.  In addition to the fees incurred by you for your solicitor, you may also need to hire a barrister for your case if you proceed to a hearing and/or trial.  Generally speaking, a barrister is hired by your solicitor firm.  Therefore, your barrister will bill your solicitor firm but these fees are then charged to you in your monthly bill.  You should have a discussion with your solicitor before a barrister is hired on your case, so that you are aware of your barrister’s fees and what you will owe for their work on your matter.
  3. Fees for Experts: In the more complex divorce cases, you will need to hire experts.  Experts can be hired for various reasons including valuations for real property, businesses and valuable items such as art and jewelry.  Experts may also be hired for tax issues or issues related to trusts.  Experts may also be called upon for child custody cases where a psychological evaluation of the children are needed.  Another example of a third-party “expert” may be a parent-coordinator who assists you and your spouse with child custody issues.  If your case requires an expert, there will be costs associated with the hiring of these experts.  Generally speaking, both parties would be required share the costs of the hired experts unless an agreement is reached otherwise. Similar to barrister fees, the experts are hired by your solicitor firm. Therefore, your experts will bill your solicitor firm but these fees are then charged to you in your monthly bill.  Before you agree to retaining an expert for your case, it is important that you speak to your solicitor about the fees associated with the expert so you have full transparency about what you will owe for these third-party costs.
  4. Fees for Hearings/Trial: When you are going through a divorce, there will be many hearings leading up to a trial.  For example, any time you or your spouse file an application, a hearing will be set by the court.  In addition to these hearings, as you go through the divorce process there may be other mandated hearings that you have to attend such as a children’s dispute resolution hearing or a financial dispute resolution hearing. If your case is set to go to trial, you will also generally be required to attend a pre-trial review hearing in preparation for trial.  Trial itself can last several days depending on the complexity of your case. It is therefore important to discuss these anticipated costs with your solicitor so you know how much it will cost you depending on what route you will take.  Many times, individuals will come to the conclusion that it is much more cost-effective to compromise on key issues and come to an agreement with their spouse rather than move forward with hearing after hearing and then ultimately a trial as hearings and trial is extremely expensive.  If you move forward with a trial, there will be high costs not only for your team of solicitors but also the barrister(s) and experts involved in your case. For many litigious and complex cases heading to trial, your legal team can consist of 5 to 10 individuals who many times, all charge on an hourly basis.
  5. Other Miscellaneous Fees: In addition to the above-fees, you should also discuss with your solicitor whether there are other “hidden” fees you might not be aware of. For example, you will be charged by your solicitor firm for photocopying, faxes, and service of documents. Ask for transparency when you hire a solicitor so you are aware of all the fees that you will be charged each month.  Most of this is outlined in your retainer agreement so again, it is important for you to read the entire retainer agreement before signing the document.  It is also important that when you receive your monthly bill, you read through the bill rather than gloss over it.  If you have questions about your bill, speak to your solicitor so you can clarify what the charges are for.

It is important that you take charge of your finances during a divorce and this includes the fees and costs that you will be responsible for in your divorce. It is therefore imperative that you have full transparency of what you are being charged and what the anticipated costs are.  Do not be afraid to speak to your solicitor about costs as this may determine the course of your divorce.  If you are looking to resolve matters quickly without additional costs, it may be a good idea to work on a settlement with your spouse without the need for court litigation.  Mediation is a wonderful alternative to court litigation and should be considered!

 

Spotlight Profile – Jacky T. K. Lai, Mediator

In this spotlight profile, we are speaking to Jacky T.K. Lai, a mediator and barrister at IceHouse Chambers in Hong Kong.  Jacky is a mediator and mediation advocate with experience in over 850 cases that includes disputes involving children and finances.  Jacky has also utilized his expertise as a mediator to train others in the field (as Trainer with Hong Kong International Arbitration Centre (HKIAC), Training Qualifications UK (TQUK)/The Office of Qualifications and Examinations Regulation (Ofqual) and Hong Kong Professional Mediation Association (HKPMA), and as Coach with many other institutions).

Jacky, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today.

Can you tell us a little bit about your background and training?

I am a barrister called to the Bar in June 2007, mediator, arbitrator and lecturer on mediation and negotiation topics for universities and mediation institutions.  I like to mediate on various sorts of cases including matrimonial matters.  I find resolving conflicts through interest-based negotiations very satisfying, and I am grateful for the trust that I receive from the parties and learned friends.

I received my general mediation training in 2008 from the Accord Group in liaison with HKUSPACE, and my matrimonial mediation training in 2010 from Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council (CMAC).

You have considerable expertise in your role as a mediator and as a mediation advocate.  First, can you tell us why you advocate mediation first in any legal dispute?

Parties usually have too much information but lack of insight.  With their entrenched long-time hatred towards one-another they become too emotionally entangled and entwined into an “Avenger” mentality, thereby losing sight of other dimensions and bigger goals in their lives.  They often get tunnel-vision.  Mediation gives them an opportunity to zoom-out and to hear from each other.  Once communication starts, then understanding at a deeper level can commence.  Of course, the parties may still choose not to settle, yet it is ensured that it is an informed decision, and not because of a lack of communication nor mutual understanding.

You have worked in numerous mediations and in various disputes not only matrimonial disputes. Is there a common theme that you notice in all your mediations that results in a successful mediation? Is compromise the key element to a successful mediation?

The common themes are: broader outlook on the disputes, new dimensions and new observations on life and the issues, a more realistic and a more objective assessment of the law, the facts and the evidence, as well as the perspectives of the opponents.  Sometimes, they just need a platform, a facilitator, a face-saving setting to settle the case.   We mediators are the catalyst in the sessions.

Compromise is NOT a key element to a successful mediation.  Compromise is only a minimalist approach towards settlement.

What works in mediation is: Collaboration. Understanding. Communication. Objectivity. Positivity.  Rethinking.

What can couples do to prepare for a successful mediation?

Have a pre-mediation meeting with a good mediator accompanied by their solicitor/counsel and supported by a trusted and beloved one.  The pros and cons, the costs and benefits and the strategy and tactics, are all re-examined thoroughly, in a safe environment, and the couples are empowered to make decisions.  Of course, trust and rapport are being built throughout the process, and the trauma, pains, suffering and fears are being acknowledged and addressed as well.  If the wound is not healed, at least antiseptic is applied and a bandage is attached to it.  Active listening and empathy are the key elements.

Through your experience, you have come across mediations where a resolution is simply unattainable.  In your matrimonial mediations, what has been the key element of an unsuccessful mediation?

Inadequate insight, mutual understanding, active listening, rethinking, new dimensions or outlook of everything else are common themes.  Tunnel-vision and inadequate wisdom and courage to walk a new path, objectivity, positivity are also common themes.  Many times, the root is insufficient love towards themselves and the children.

In a nutshell, what is lacking is the absence of the essential elements of interested-based negotiations.

 

About Jacky Tsk Kin Lai, Mediator and Barrister at IceHouse Chambers
Jacky T.K. Lai, a mediator and barrister at IceHouse Chambers in Hong Kong.  Jacky has been a mediator and mediation advocate in over 850 cases that includes disputes involving children and finances.  Jacky has also utilized his expertise as a mediator to train others in the field.
Jacky has been a barrister-at-law in private practice in Hong Kong since 2007. He practices in civil and criminal litigation as well as mediation. Jacky received his Bachelors Degree in Economics and LLM from the University of Hong Kong, MBA from the Chinese University of Hong Kong, and LLB from Manchester Metropolitan University. He obtained his HKIAC Accreditation as General Mediator in 2009 and Family Mediator in 2012 by the Hong Kong International Arbitration Centre (HKIAC), and the Hong Kong Mediation Accreditation Association (HKMAAL) Panels of General and Family Mediator since its inception in 2012.
Jacky has been a member of the HKIAC Users’ Council since 2009.  He is the Chairman of the General Mediation Division (GMD) under the Hong Kong Mediation Council and person-in-charge of the Council’s Membership Committee.  He was the Honorary Secretary of Hong Kong Mediation Council (HKMC) under the HKIAC last year, and member of HKIAC’s General Mediation Interest Group. He acted as Vice-Chairman of the HKIC Family Mediation Interest Group, Person-in-charge of Building Management Sub-Group and Person-in-charge of Labour and Employment Mediation Sub-Group. An HKMAAL accredited mediator (General and Family), he has served as a mediator in hundreds of cases.
Jacky has a wealth of teaching, coaching and judging experiences with many universities in Hong Kong with particular emphasis on Mediation and ADR. He is Head Trainer and Chief Assessor of mediation course for Training Qualifications UK, Office of Qualifications and Examination Assessment (TQUK/ Ofqual) and Assistant Head Trainer of HKMAAL 40-hour curriculum, Mediation Subject Expert of Hong Kong Council for Accreditation of Academic and Vocational Qualifications and International Mediation Competition Coach and Judge of International Chamber of Commerce, Professional Mediator on many mediation panels and mentor mediator for the Joint Mediation Helpline Office.
黎子健先生  LLB, LLM (HKU), BSocSc, MBA, FHKI Arb, MCIArb
黎先生自 2007 年起在香港擔任私人執業大律師。他的執業領域包括民事和刑事訴訟以及調解。 黎先生在香港大學獲得經濟學學士學位和法學碩士學位，在香港中文大學獲得工商管理碩士學位，在曼徹斯特都會大學獲得法學學士學位。他分別於 2009 年和 2012 年獲得了香港國際仲裁中心(仲裁中心)認可的一般調解員和家事調解員資格，並於 2012 年香港調解資歷評審協會有限公司(調解資歷評審協會)成立起獲得其一般調解員和家事調解員資格。
黎先生自 2009 年起擔任仲裁中心益友會成員，也是仲裁中心轄下的香港調解會(調解會)的榮譽秘書，且任仲裁中心一般調解興趣小組成員。他曾為仲裁中心家事調解小組的副主席、物業管理調解推廣小組負責人和勞工及僱傭關係推廣小組負責人。 作為調解資歷評審協會認可的調解員（一般和家事），他曾在數百個案件中擔任調解員。
黎先生在香港多所大學擁有豐富的教學、培訓和評審經驗，尤其重視調解和其他替代性糾紛解決方式。 他是英國特許資歷培訓處/評核及考試規例局認可的調解課程的首席培訓師和首席評估員、調解資歷評審協會40小時課程的助理首席授課者、香港學術及職業資歷評審局的調解事項專家、 International Chamber of Commerce國際調解比賽教練和評委、多個調解小組的專業調解員和 聯合調解專線辦事處的導師調解員。

Steps to Moving On After Divorce

Many individuals describe the divorce experience as being similar to a death in the family.  For some, the divorce process can take years and it is truly an emotionally and physically taxing journey that requires patience and resilience.  At some point however, once the divorce is finalized, it will then be important for you to move on with your life.  This should certainly be an exciting time for you as life is finally moving on and you are embarking on a new adventure.

  1. Get Your Finances In Order: This has been a central theme in all of our articles here at Hong Kong Divorce.  Once you are divorced and have a better idea of the monies coming in and going out, it is important to ensure that your finances are in order.  This may involve retaining a financial planner to assist you in helping you create a plan or a budget which carefully and thoughtfully considers your day-to-day needs and for your future. You will want to review your finances regularly and keep track of your spending and saving patterns so that you can continue to be aware of where you stand financially post-divorce. This will involve good record-keeping and if you are unable to do this yourself, you can always enlist the help of a professional to assist you or download relevant finance apps that could help you keep track of your finances in an organized manner.
  2. Be Thoughtful In Speaking About The Divorce With Your Children: If you have children and are co-parenting post-divorce, it is important to speak appropriately to your children about the divorce and about the other parent. If you want to maintain peaceful and cooperative co-parenting, you will need to play a big role in keeping the peace.  Children should be kept out of adult discussions and should not play a role in having to mediate arguments or disagreements between you and your spouse. If you have any issues, speak directly with your co-parent and do your best not to disrespect your co-parent by bad-mouthing him/her to the children.
  3. Join A Support Group: If you are having a hard time moving on after divorce, this may be the time to consider joining a support group.  A support group or therapist can help you process the feelings you are going through post-divorce and a support group may provide you with new friendships with like-minded individuals going through the same process.  Sometimes, discussing your divorce with family and friends may not be enough and they will only want you to skip ahead to your happy ending. However, moving forward may require you to process the divorce and discuss it at great length.  A therapist or support groups can provide you with this support and is a safe space for you to vent about the emotions you are going through.  Speaking to a therapist or joining a support group will allow you to be in an environment that is judgment-free and will help make you feel less lonely as others are also going through the same circumstances.
  4. Focus On Self-Care & Rediscover What Makes You Happy: This is also a great time for you to focus on your own self-care.  This can include you figuring out what makes you happy and learning who you are as a single adult.  There are many avenues of self-care to consider including exercise, nutrition, hobbies and passions and reconnecting again with family and friends that you may have not had time for previously.  This is also the time to rediscover what makes you happy and what you want out of your life going forward. How do you want your future to look like? What active steps can you put into place in order to reach your goals?

It is important to note that as you move on with your life post-divorce, the time it takes to heal and get settled into your new normal may vary from individual to individual. During this healing process, be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time and space to move forward on your own schedule. No one can tell you how to heal or how long it will take to heal and move on.  As long as you are taking active steps to dust yourself off and move on, even if it is baby steps, you are doing the best you can!

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